Please tell me about your neurotypical 6.5 year old daughter ❤️

[Concernfordd1]

Dd is 6.5 and is autistic. Up until now, its been all about getting her into school, milestones, speech therapy, routine, is she eating enough etc

Now I think that dd, although non verbal, is pretty close to a regular thinking 6 year old.

She has been refusing to walk and the doctors and school think that she is unhappy about something. So I will need to change her life a little.

So now we are home from hospital, my plan is:

• More cuddles and a slow, consistant wake up time (she does enjoy cuddles with me for now)

• a set routine of meals, ie monday pizza, tuesday spaghetti bol etc

• Set bedtime routine

• a wall chart to praise good behaviour, with smiley faces and small rewards (a lollipop)

• punishment which is sitting in her toddler chair for 6 mins, when she is not following rules (I will go very light on this in light of her possibly not fully understanding)

• rainbows on Mondays to be around girls her age

• swimming at the weekend, and one activity such as park or museum etc

• playing with toys that are more age appropriate, rather than the sensory toys. So barbies, dolls and buggys etc

• phonics lessons, reading biff and chip books after school

• daily chores (very very easy ones ofc) Helping set the table and and giving the cat her dry food

So my question is, what does a typical day look like for your daughter, what toys does she like and does my day sound typical to you?

I dont really know how to parent a 6yo tbh 🥺. I had some idea before I had her, and i had a much younger sister, but my focus has mostly been on the autism, rather than the child in her which I am very embarrassed to admit, and i now feel lost.

I have done some bits with her such as outings etc but she is definitely thinking now and observing other children.

We still need routine and speech and language support, and support to play with others but I must not forget that she's a 6yo kid

Sorry for the essay

❤️

Okay, but you understand that lower support needs, or less extreme autistic traits doesn't equal NT though? Just because she may have lower support needs (or masks better, or is simply getting older) doesn't mean that she needs to be treated as neuro typical.

Being less 'obviously' autistic doesn't make someone somehow more NT. If she's bored because she has outgrown her toys then you need to find something new that she likes. I genuinely don't understand why you think you need input from parents of NT girls, unless you think she is 'less' autistic now (which she isn't).

I think there is too much on your to do list! Honestly you need to do more low key activities - these can still be stimulating.
Sandpits, craft, board games, dolls houses, sylvanians, Lego. Music in the background, the regulating sort. We listened to lots of tuneful musicals rather than rock. Sound of Music South Pacific type
Maybe some baking if you want to motivate with sweet treats. Playgrounds climbing on logs balancing on tree trunks that sort of thing.
Occasional visits to other people went down well too, one to one playing not a crowd.

Swimming and climbing seem to suit my hypermobile DD, she was very energetic at that age but not walking or even running just into everything. Singing and dancing.

What didn't go down well was to be on the road all the time my DC's needed downtime at home as well. Structured outings ie swimming lessons very occasionally then not much else besides playgrounds

I had three kids two I think were neuro diverse one NT and tbh this suited all of them. Very busy weekends (museums, constant outings and after-school activities were overwhelming - we didn't do them!)

Lots of books and stories in our house for language modelling.

No reward charts - they caused stress and anxiety. Positive attention and modelling was a better solution to behaviour..they imitate what you do more than they do what you "say".

"High school Musical" and dressing up! Pets.

Oh I love the idea of high school musical type stuff @Nettleskeins

We like drag race uk and the chase 🤭🤭

I definitely agree with the need for downtime. But honestly, its just us and the cat, she will have the life that works for her. If she is showing signs of tiredness or being overwhelmed, there is noone else to factor in other than her, so an activity can be stopped and cuddles and redirection provided.

Ive got books and i am buying a stack more for christmas. She has a book at bedtime.

With regards to no longer being autistic, @YesIReallyDidOK that really isnt what I am saying. But I am saying that rather than the focus being purely on autism life only, its time for her to mix with neurotypical kids her own age which seems to be where she is wanting to be.

Autism is lifelong and I would never want her not to be, my sweet thing. But the reality is that she is a 6 year old who wants to see what life is like for typical kids her own age

But it has to be done in a way that supports her and her autism

So I want to meet her autism needs, but also be prepared for what a typical 6 year old thinks and feels and likes, as honestly I dont really know 🥺

Yes agree for any dc really. Reward charts / punishment aren’t the best way to go

She’s autistic and to expect her to be, or say she’s “close to a regular thinking 6 year old” is totally unrealistic. Her brain is different and will always be.
I followed your other thread and I think your list of ideas is unrealistic for an autistic child who is refusing to walk and has undergone numerous unpleasant tests in hospital recently. How is she going to go to Rainbows, horse riding, swimming and do chores when she won’t walk? Routine is great for those of us who are autistic so that’s a good plan but I think you are planning on too much, too soon and she’ll be completely overwhelmed. Start small and see how she goes.

We don’t do a reward chart related to behaviour but DD does have a chore chart related to money. She has a debit card and gets pocket money based on doing some simple chores (things like cleaning her school shoes which she is obsessed with, picking up apples from the orchard, feeding the hens/cat). She likes that sort of reward.

Okay, I think i am not explaining myself well but will come back later and be a bit clearer, plus update my other thread

But for now, she is at home with me, is taking steps around the house but then sitting, and the doctors do think that this is proof of it being a choice

Today is just baking jam tarts, putting up the mini christmas tree and playing together with the sand and doing some songs. Low stress day but a day together

Thanks for your advice everyone, I do appreciate that I am not articulating what I mean well and coming across like I dont want my dd to be autistic, or have a thing against autistic kids, which I absolutely do not!

Point taken re extrenous activities, although horse riding was a bit further in the future than today 😅

xx

My daughter is autistic and I have a neurotypical son. I think you might possibly be focussing on the wrong thing. Your daughter will need a different sort of focus than some children - but honestly all children have different needs, there isn’t a ‘typical’ child. My daughter is crafty and loves ballet, my son is sporty and loves dragons. I meet their individual needs regardless of neurodiversity.

’Some’ autistic children really don’t enjoy imaginative play so Barbie’s and babies and such just won’t spark anything. My friend’s son was and is really into animals, it’s a special interest. So he has always had loads of animal themed toys and books and can tell me any fact about any animal. My daughter is obsessed with musicals. So I think - like with any child - you have to find what they like. Could try a toy library or just go and browse at a shop, etc. My daughter had loads of Barbie’s and never gave them any time so that was a waste.

I think also it might be worth tempering expectations that your daughter will somehow find what the other kids are doing, start copying and then be friends with them. Socialising is tricky and you can’t force it. My daughter is finding things more and more challenging as she gets older but I think will quite enjoy being an adult and finding her niche.

oh and on a practical note - you don’t need a specific play kitchen to play in that way if she enjoys it. My kids had a wee one but they mostly played kitchen on an old table in a corner. You can just get some sort of table or set of drawers and put kitchen stuff on it and it becomes a kitchen by magic. Or paint it with a hob etc.