Feel like I'm losing it

[ForeverBuffering]

Hi,

I'm not sure where to start really, which I guess is probably how so many of these threads start.

Basically, in a nutshell, I'm utterly overwhelmed and I'm not coping. There are some things going on in my life which are understandably stressful - a parents ill health, my dd's difficulties transitioning into adulthood (mild SN) for example. These things I would imagine most people, if not all, would find stressful, but I'm starting to feel as though I can't cope with anything. Big or small. I always seem to get this feeling of absolute dread and fear at the first sign that something isn't 100% familiar.

I never really thought of myself as someone who needed routine. In fact, I would have said I was the opposite, but I've noticed this increasing fear of the unknown more and more with age.

I've been crying so much recently and I mean really sobbing. Sobbing to the point it feels like my heart is breaking. In the moment everything feels hopeless and so dark, but when I come out of it for a while, I can't really understood where it started.

This morning I cried so hard and was in so much emotional pain that I seriously almost smashed my head into the bathroom mirror. This really scared me. I'm not sure if it was because I couldn't scream, as people were in the house or if I really wanted to physically hurt myself. I have self harmed in the past, but not like that.

I'm 41, so perhaps some of this is hormonal. Either way, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Sometimes I look at my family and feel like such a burden. Like an obstacle actually. My anxiety drags them all down.

I'm obviously writing this all down here for a reason. I want help, but I know I'm the only who can really do that. I just don't know how anymore.

I'm just so tired of being scared all the time and don't see a way out.

Please go and speak to the dr. There are lots of underlying health issues that can make you feel this way (thyroid issues, even low iron/b12/folate or Vit D can make you feel anxious, overwhelmed and tearful. Low end of normal is also not the same as optimal and you can still suffer in the low end of normal range).
It is also possible for it to be peri menopause related, but you do need to speak to someone to at least have investigations before they prescribe antidepressants/beta blockers for your symptoms. I’m not saying you shouldn’t take those if you also need them, but tests to rule out other issues definitely need taking too.

I hope things improve for you soon

@ItsNeverNoReason thank you for your reply. I do have low iron and slightly low vitamin D, but I do take supplements for this. It's been a while since I was tested for everything though, so I'll look into doing that.

There is a really interesting long length piece in the Guardian this week about low iron and mental health - very much worth a read.

@JennyForeigner I've got no doubt this isn't helping and I'll definitely look up that article. I've basically felt like this since puberty hit though. I just couldn't seem to cope with adult life and all the responsibilities and challenges that it comes with.

Everything just feels so hard. I can't remember the last time I just felt OK. I don't expect to feel deliriously happy all the time. I would just love to feel at ease and peaceful. I'm on high alert all the time, feeling like something awful will happen or like it already has.