Murder mystery party when grieving?

[asitcomesbacktome]

I lost a relative recently and the theme of my work's Christmas party has just been announced as a murder mystery. Our Christmas parties are compulsory and take place during work hours, and involve things like departmental updates and awards. I know murder mysteries are just a bit of fun and I do have a sense of humour, and I know someone doesn't actually die, but reading through the invite has made me cry and I don't really know why. I think it's because death is so present in my life at the moment and that I can't find myself to want to joke around about a fictional one. Do you think I could ask to step out during that part or just sit in the corner and listen or am I being overly sensitive and unprofessional? Probably over-sensitive... It's in a few weeks so I might not feel quite as raw on the day

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, though I wouldn't have thought sitting in the corner watching other people figure out a murder mystery would necessarily feel less upsetting or triggering than participating?

(I can't watch anything even mildly violent, which means huge amounts of TV and film are just off limits for me. I find it odd that so much of our entertainment centres around violent crime.)

I'm sorry for your loss. 💐

I think you should do whatever feels right for you, whether that's sitting it out, taking leave that day (if poss) etc. Do you have a sympathetic manager/supervisor who would treat such a request sensitively?

Many years ago I suffered three close family bereavements in less than 16 months and was similarly sensitive for a very long time afterwards. I couldn't bear the thought that anything - person (even very elderly), animal, even plant - had to die at some point. It just seemed so very wrong and desperately unfair.

Time does heal a lot of these feelings, but at this moment you deserve to be treated compassionately by others and to allow yourself to put your own needs first.

Do you have an HR department you could speak to?

We would entirely understand that this wasn’t an event you’d want to take part in (tbh we wouldn’t have a compulsory event like this in the first place)

Our Christmas party was just after a family bereavement - there was no way I could have gone and there was no expectation one way or the other. Even now, 5 years later, there are some things I can't watch on telly without filling up. and my DH - whose family it was - just finds the whole Christmas thing really difficult.

Just speak to your manager, see what your options are and maybe decide on the day what option you’d like to proceed with.

Murder mystery is a weird theme for Christmas, but it is trending a bit at the moment. I assume the actual event won’t be about death per se but more like cluedo and trying to decipher clues and build team bonds.

You need to talk to your manager and HR ASAP.
I don't think this is appropriate as a compulsory event.
Sorry for your loss 💐

If you think your manager will be understanding the speak to them, if not just call im sick for that day.

I would have a word with your manager (probably over email). Just saying that you won’t be able to attend and that it’s all too raw (I would probably put in a bit of guff saying no one was to know it would have bothered you).

Then I would say that you would prefer it if you could just say you had an appointment booked for that day.

Then no one feels bad. But don’t ask, just say that’s what you will be doing and be kind and not blaming.

As a manager I would feel awful though but would give you the day off for free and give you vouchers for the £40 or so per head coverage.

I have a team member who has been recently bereaved and I will give her the option to go on the doo and if not I will give her the budget to go to the pictures or do something suitable with her family.

Oh my word - your relative was murdered?
Thats rought stuff... and understandably a bit close to the bone.

I think you can have a word with your line manager about and see what accommodations can be made

Was your relative killed? If so that’s an extremely odd and very unsympathetic choice for them to choose as a Xmas event. I’m assuming it’s a very small company for something like this and that they would be well aware of your circumstances.

if you just mean a relative has passed away recently then slightly different circumstances but I would just say to your manager that you don’t feel that you are ready to attend a Christmas event and can you be excused.

Some people may view you as oversensitive but I don't. I can imagine myself having this reaction too. Death is sad, and it's very present in your life at the moment. Perhaps just say that you don't feel up to attending the Xmas party this year.

Your Christmas parties are 'compulsory'?? I have never heard such a bizarre thing and find it quite hard to believe to be honest.

What about colleagues who don't celebrate Christmas because of religion / beliefs etc. Surely they can't be forced to participate?

I am so sorry for your loss of your relative, sending my thoughts to you...

Can you avoid any angst at all by using a holiday day.

Of course you should say that you'd rather not do the 'murder' part. It's totally fine for any reason not to get involved if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

No, the relative wasn't murdered. Sorry if that was implied... I unfortunately don't have any holiday left to take for this year. I think I'll speak to my manager but feel a bit embarrassed to, feel like I'm over-reacting