How do I talk to son, 18?

[Cuddleswithkids]

son 18, at uni. Back at Xmas. He’s obviously going to have changed a lot. His instagram feed popped up as a suggestion to follow and his photo looks so cool, id obviously love to see what he’s up to but the account is private and I’m sure he won’t want his mum asking to be a follower. just proud he looks so cool.
I’m dreading chatting to him and Xmas. (Also added pressure of Xmas is being hijacked by drama queen relative, who dumped all over last Xmas, and son isn’t keen on them. ) I just don’t know how to relate to our son.
His older sister ran away when he was 15,at Xmas so Xmas is hard anyway, and since then I’ve found it very difficult to talk to him, I’m so terrified I’ll say the wrong thing and he’ll leave too.
obviously there’s no traditions really they all involved his sister so it feels like there’s nothing to fall back on.
im also feeling wierd- he will have changed so much and has had such fun, and I’m still the same boring mum.
id thought we could go away at Xmas somewhere mad but DH doesn’t want to. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed, how do I keep the relationship flexible so I can adjust to the new him and not alienate him.
thank you.

Can you ditch the drama queen relative? The fallout might be worth it to show your son that you care about him, and about making Christmas together fun?

The first term at uni is a big step, he may be glad to be home for a while to something more familiar. Why not message him and see what he'd like to do over Christmas and find out what he thinks is important. If you don't live with the drama queen relative then avoid seeing them or if it's a family gathering you feel like you need to be at them go for less time so you have more of the day to be with your family.
He's 18 he will likely leave home so some point soon so focus on connecting with him while he's not at home as well as when he is.
Why not message him to say you saw his photos on Instagram and they look cool and ask if he would mind if you followed him instead of assuming he wouldn't want you to. That way he knows you're interested in what he's doing and can decide for himself if he wants you to follow him.

He might be changing, but he won't want you to change, you're his mum!

Thanks . DH is reassuring me too that he will want to just chill and maybe be with mates not us old folk.
ditching relative needs some planning. They are staying nearby with another relative. We need to not cause offence but on the other hand they have been quite something-the sort that does a lot of DARVO. Exhausting!

Some relatives can be exhausting! At least if DS doesn't want to see them he can have a back up excuse if seeing friends he's not seen dive he's been at uni.
Also don't be offended if he wants to stay at university past the end of term, my daughter often does to do things with her friends when there is more time, work extra hours and revise. She doesn't like to be at home when we are all at work/school.