Is there a tactful/ good way to ask MIL + FIL to record videos for DC before they die?

[pontipinemum]

So I of course won't say, 'Hey can I make a video of you before you pop the clogs'

But what do I say? MIL is 75 FIL is 78. My DC are 3 and 1. They adore the GPs and we see them at least once a week but usually 2/3 times.

I'd love some stories of ILs of their lives, growing up what it was like. Then the exciting things they have done over their lives.

Both have had health issues over the last few years, especially MIL.

I do take a lot of candid videos. But I'd love my DC to know their GPs.

Now there is always the very real chance and hope that my DC will have GPs into their teens. Either way the stories would be beautiful to have recorded some how.

So how do I approach this?

Just ask them. It’s not a surprise for them that are going to die at some point- we all are!

We have a weird thing about death in this country, but it’s healthy to talk about it and make plans.

There are books you can buy with questions to complete for a person to write their own autobiography, perhaps something like that as a Christmas gift? You could then offer to video them answering some of the prompts if they’d like instead of writing the answers.

@FoxRedPuppy They are pretty pragmatic - or MIL is anyway. She has the funerals paid for! But I get sad when I think of the fact that I won't be there for a very large chunk of my DCs lives.

@OperationalSupport I have seen the ads for those books. That's a good idea

Just ask them and go for it! I wish I had some videos of my Mum to show my children but I don't have anything, it's a lovely idea.

If videos seem a bit intimidating, audio recordings of them telling their stories would be a good alternative.

This is a lovely idea and I would think that it would be ok to ask given their age. It might be fun to ask them to do their own desert island discs like the radio programme. If you really don't want to mention the "so the DC can remember you after you have gone" maybe you could all do something now about memories, favourite foods, places, colours etc and say the plan is to all listen in 5 or so years and see how things have changed then?

I like the idea of a time capsule. I think I might do something like that. Ask them to share some of their story about what it was like growing up in the 40s/50s.

I think a time capsule is a great idea and more 'fun' and less morbid sounding. And maybe a little book with facts about them is nice as well. But personally I wouldn't put them on the spot with a recorded video as that's quite an ask since people often don't feel comfortable speaking on camera. I think you'd also need to consider how you plan to use this with your dc. My ds doesn't see his dad so he has a dad box with photos and items in it relating to his dad and he can dip into that as he wants to. So that might be sufficient along with the videos you've recorded.

Yes definitely less morbid. No I won't ask to record them on the spot. Maybe I will get one of the books mentioned or just a few key questions and voice record them telling the stories to the boys.

I thought they would be nice memories to be able to share with DC as they get older. My own mum has a whole host of issues and honestly I am worried about her seeing 60 so I think my DC will have no grandparents early on.

Your DC not seeing is dad is imo very different to GPs who have died. My own dad left when I was very young. I had a picture or two but very little. That leaves a gap of 'what is wrong with me that he left'. I have had 3 very close family members die, it doesn't leave the same feeling, it leave a whole host of other ones. But different.

I'd love my DC to hear stories - even if I write not record them - of how their GPs lived. Especially FIL. MIL grew up in London in the 50s so while hugely different still to an extent modern. FIL remembers when they got electricity to the house and his mum washing clothes in the stream. He grew up on a farm, where we all live.