Would you be happy with this?

[Scotsmare77]

DS’s girlfriend comes to our house in the evening 3 times per week. We’re a family of 4 so 5 people to feed when she’s here. They’re both 16.

DS has never been invited to her house for a meal. He goes there before school for a few minutes while she gets ready and then they walk in together but that’s it.

I would accept it. I might ask him why they never go to her house but if they are coming to my home, it means they are comfortable being there (good thing) and I get to know her too. When my teens brought home girlfriends/boyfriends I always treated it as a relationship that may last, so I was investing in the future relationship with them as a couple. Of course, usually it didn't, but you never know.

You don’t have to feed her if you object to it but there are lots of reasons why someone doesn’t want or can’t have someone visit their house.

I wouldn't mind but my love language is looking after and feeding people lmao

Teenage boys aren't known for their excellent skills of observation, emotional intelligence and consideration - it's probably not even occurred to him that this is putting you out a bit in terms of food prep/cost/whatever it is that's actually bothering you. Have you asked him why they never go to hers? Maybe you're a far better cook than her mam/dad 🙃

I have asked DS and he just says they prefer it here. I’ve met her parents and they’re lovely. If it was the other way around though I’d be feeling really bad that someone was feeding DS 3 times a week for a year as well as their own kids. I think I’d be offering a word of thanks or insisting they return the favour occasionally.

They’re great kids, no trouble at all it’s just the cost!

For the relationship with them both and the benefits of being involved during these important years, I think it's worth the cost. What happens at her place isn't your problem though. If her parents had an issue with it in reverse, they can say something to the kids.

Why are you inviting her for dinner so often?

I always had an open door policy with my teens and their friends. The only rule I had was that you had to let me know if you wanted dinner for extra people by lunch time.

I would be happy with it.

But if I wasn't, I wouldn't do it.

What I wouldn't do is carry on doing something that's entirely my choice and then moan about other people not reciprocating/taking advantage.

Your house, your rules. You are making the choice to cook for someone else's child three times a week.

I would rarely have enough for an extra meal a night. Our leftovers are used for lunch the next day for DD or DH who travel for work. I wouldn’t be happy more than once a week unless he was making a pizza for them himself or something.

I would think it's because they feel comfortable at your house, but if you feel it's to much be honest with your son. I was the same at 16 spent most of my time at my boyfriend's house (now DH) and even ended up moving in there. Things were a bit chaotic at my house and it gave me a safe calm place to be. I've been married now for 30+ yrs and I'll never forget how welcome my mil made me feel. Now it's payback time & she lives with us and I'm her carer.

Maybe I was an especially thoughtless teenager, but if I went to a friend's house and had a meal there, I don't think it occurred to me that it was costing them anything to feed me. (Of course, I can see now that that's just ridiculous!) It could be that your DS hasn't thought of that either. And if you dish up dinner without complaining, they perhaps don't realize that it's causing any inconvenience for you.