Does anyone else feel like social media is ruining real friendships?

[PetsNPaws]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve noticed that some of my friendships have changed since everything’s moved online — group chats, Instagram stories, Facebook updates, all that. It’s like people don’t actually talk anymore. We just react to each other’s posts and call it “keeping in touch.”
One of my closest friends barely messages me now, but she’ll “like” my photos or comment on something random, and somehow that’s supposed to count as staying connected. I miss proper chats and seeing people face to face, not just scrolling through their lives online.
It’s weird because social media was supposed to help us stay in touch, but I feel like it’s made things more distant in a way.

I agree

Feels a bit sad, honestly.

Yes, and the worst thing is even if you don't use it, you're affected by it because everyone else is using it. There's been so many shifts in mentality because of it.

Yes - the amount of time and energy I once had for talking to friends on the phone or seeing them in person has just been replaced by scrolling and commenting. It’s depressing.

I left Facebook a decade ago because of this. I just found it a depressing and empty type of communication. I tend to exchange emails now with friends to keep in touch online.

That actually sounds really nice, to be honest. Emails feel so much more personal than a quick comment or emoji reaction. I’ve thought about quitting Facebook too, but it’s hard when everyone still uses it for invites or updates.

Totally agree. I think it has made many people lazy and non committal when it comes to friendships. I only go on there for groups and rarely post. Thankfully most of my friendships are based on texts and meeting up, not Facebook.

Yes. I have two old friends, in our twenties/ thirties we would meet regularly and put the world to rights, even when we had young kids/familes. But about ten years ago it changed . We had a WhatsApp group and followed each other on socials and suddenly meeting became impossible. Now we see each other every b few months but we chat less too because we are not really in each others lives any more.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot as well, and I feel really sad as well that our social interactions seem to have reduced to liking posts, reactions and sharing memes. It feels very shallow and superficial and I miss proper interaction :(

Do people even pay attention/use Facebook anymore? It’s full of spammy advertising and used my people my nans age.

It’s definitely impacted meet ups, I feel the shift of that- especially those friends who view a WhatsApp VM as a catch up, it has completely altered friendships. Even sadder if you do meet in real life when that friend or family member can be glued to their phone in your company. Recently met with friend for a sociable activity, where they constantly took pictures and posted to social, there was no real engagement like there used to be, priorities were posting to social. Before our meet up had even ended friend asked me if I’d seen their posts from the activity yet 😞

It’s also impacted people’s flakiness too. I remember dosing myself up on cold relief and pain meds as I didn’t want to miss my friend’s night out. Not saying that people should go out if they’re ill but the fear of missing out was such a draw - now you can send a gushing last minute apology by text and scroll the pics from the comfort of your sofa and still be involved.

In a way its easier, it’s nice to keep in touch without long phone calls but the dynamic has definitely changed.

@camelfinger I really miss the long phone calls though

I was talking to a neighbour in her 70s and she said to me that she's guilty of it as well. She was apparently messaging another neighbour friend of hers for most of last night. And then it occurred to her that in the old days they would've just had a cup of tea together. The friend lives on the next road! I know some of it is that people just don't want to get dressed and look civilised though (she always looks civilised, you find this out when you're a neighbour 😂)

In my old block, I remember you would see people going in and out of each other's flats in their pyjamas with a hot drink at night. I miss those days! I only had one neighbour I could do that with but I liked it.

I have no time for SM friends and rarely engage, but I do have a core group of 8 of us who meet in person 3 to 4 times a month, some of us more and it's a fluid group. Absolutely priceless

It's not just friendship groups though. We have a huge Teams culture at work and it's not unusual to schedule a Teams call with someone sitting at a desk 6 feet away. Bizarre

I think it's certainly easy to create an illusion of 'being in touch' when you're only engaging in a very shallow way. That said it probably did have its uses when my kids were small about ten years ago, because it was harder to get out, a lot of my friends didn't have kids and also social media was actually social and not just a tidalwave of algorithmic slop, so you were actually able to engage with your mates on it, which they've made impossible now.

It depends on the friends you have.

I have a few friends where we almost never text. We text when we want to meet up and then we catch up in person.

Possibly if they've relegated the friendship to those levels, then they're not that into being friends

I found myself reading endless misogynistic comments from men, not deliberately but it seems to be everywhere and I started resenting them so I decided to delete facebook and go back to living in my ignorant bubble. I still catch up with friends and the only thing I miss is marketplace.

this right here. Algorithmic slop is so right.

Not sure why you feel it has to be one or the other ?

I keep in touch with quite a few people via FB, who I then catch up with in person because of the relationship we've been able to maintain on-line.

For example, I met someone for lunch a couple of weeks ago, that 'pre-social media' we hadn't remained in touch. We were at school together 50 years ago, but have become friends again over the last 20 years because of social media.

Social media or not, I think you still need to make an effort to get out and visit face to face. I think people cocoon more at home now than they ever did, especially since covid lockdowns.

Pick up the phone and make a coffee or dinner date. If they can't make it, then chat on the phone with coffee at home.

No. I chat to my friends all the time. And meet up with them too.

I think so. I also think 2020 had a big impact on the way people socialise, things haven’t been the same since. I’m not one of the ‘great reset’ people, but it did feel like something shifted.
I’m not on SM, except for WhatsApp, life has been quieter since I left it, with less dopamine hits, but overall I think it was still the right thing to leave. I just need to try to do more stuff in the real world, it’s an effort! But it’s where the real connection and joy lies. We are not robots, not yet anyway.

Also there’s a massive loneliness epidemic across age groups, which is surely linked to this and the fact life is so dominated by technology now. I mean this site is a great example of it. In the past, you’d have asked family and friends for advice, now you can ask anonymous strangers. Is it better? Probably not.

Yeah, this is also a fair point. It does allow for a certain amount of keeping in touch with people you like and might have lost years ago if you couldn't have a touchpoint.

I think it does have its place, but people mustn't forget to also make an effort sometimes with at least a few people.