Has anyone’s child/husband or they themselves refereed football matches?

[Youarewrong]

My ds has recently started refereeing. Done a few games. I don’t want to give too much detail incase it’s outing. But he’s under 18 and he’s been a bit thrown in the deep end with the matches he’s been given but his dad has been going with him and said he’s done well, not made an terrible mistakes.

He’s had two quite horrendous experiences.

Once he was threatened by some of the parents. The other time called all the names under the sun and sworn at by a manager. Called a prick, a cunt, a gay boy, told he should never be allowed on a football pitch again. All by a manager because he made some decisions against the team.

He held his own but was left shaken.

Is this usual behaviour? Has anyone’s child ever experienced anything like this?

Almost exactly the same thing happened to my DS. He reported the offending managers and parents but it did no good. He gave up reffing for a while. If your DS does give up, tell him to keep up his registration-my DS reffed again as a young adult and earned a lot of money. He still refs occasionally, but tries to only choose women’s games.

And yes, I am afraid it is typical. Tell your Ds it’s them, not him-adults can be absolute dickheads.

My work colleagues son referees but the there is zero tolerance for that kind of behaviour at the matches he has refereed for.

Probably not much help but I 'managed' a darts tournament in the 80's using a calculator at an ameatur level. You can imagine the crowd reaction

Thank you.

Not sure if he wants to carry on, the money is good but you’d need a very thick skin to listen to that on a regular basis.

We expected some moaning and heckling but not to the extent of this.

That is horrendous!!!! I help out at my DS football. There’s lots of refs under 18 getting experience. Some make bad judgements but they’re only learning. Is he with a club? He should complain to them about that manager. I’d even take it further and complain to the FA. That’s not just whinging a bit, those names are horrendous.

But he shouldn’t have to deal with it in a regular basis. The FA are very firm on this. He needs to complain, with you backing him up if needed.

My late H was a football referee for many years in a local amateur league.
Generally he didn't have much bother and was well respected and treated well by the coaching staff, committees and the players.

But for a time he also used to referee in an unofficial Sunday league and he had a horrible experience. One of the players in a match squared up to him andactually snatched his referee's notebook off him and tore it up. My H came home white faced and refused to referee any more of the Sunday league matches . He was realky frighened fir his safety.. Around that time there were a few incidents in the press of referees being physically assaulted.

As an attendee of all levels of football the language and insults directed at the match officials really quite disgusts me. And the bad behaviour of parents at young people's matches is quite well known.

I'm really sorry about your son's horrible experiences. There is no way he should have to put up with that behaviour

Not quite as bad as that but I had this.

we had a WhatsApp group and there was a game about to be cancelled if no parent stepped forward to referee. Tumblr weed on the group. I said ‘ok, I’ll do it, but I’m not great on the rules or hand movements but I’m happy to try my best.’ ‘Fab, thanks so so much’ said everyone.

on the day, as expected I didn’t really know what I was doing and my, a few of those same adults had the audacity to complain about some of my decisions. In himdsight I wish I’d blown my whistle to stop the game, handed it to him and said ‘you do this then because of far rather watch my daughter play. ‘

https://www.thefa.com/football-rules-governance/safeguarding/reporting-concerns

How is the zero tolerance upheld?

My father was a referee from the odd premiership to various leagues. He did it for 45 ish years. Yes he had abuse etc. Not each week but you have to be thicked skinned and take no messing. He loved it but had to give up due to age and health.

I’ve seen refs get shouted at, called names etc. I always call out the parents who are guilty, something along the lines of ‘you realise that’s a kid’ usually does the job, they never shout at grown men!!

I have refereed another sport, got grief but nothing like as bad as that. An older, more experienced man had offered to help, which annoyed me initially but I later realised he probably knew that a couple of people were likely to be difficult. He basically said right, watch how we deal with this. Called the difficult player over, said there's nothing wrong with the reffing, it's your attitude and if you don't sort it out you're getting sent off.

I was shaken though and it really put me off. It made me think about how to deal with Mr Angry characters. Big fat time out till people can act like grown ups. Very difficult if it's a bystander.

In my sport I'd usually be confident I'd get the backing of organisers. Accepting the ref's decision is part of the game.

If it was an under 18 it would ve taken seriously. Events with under 18s should have an identified safeguarding lead, in my sport anyway, very surprised if it's not the same for football.