Do I have depression, or does everyone feel like this?

[RMVE]

I should probably take this all to a therapist, and I'm aware it might come off as self-indulgent. I'm really struggling and it feels like everything I do as a parent is wrong: my kids have too much UPF and screen time, not outside enough, I don't spend enough quality time with them... Every news article, TV show etc reminds me how I'm failing/potentially harming my kids and I can't shut it out. My DS is four and I have a stepson who is 9 (who is lovely and who I adore) but lives hours away so every other weekend is lost to him and my DH travelling, and we only get 24 hours together as a family. I'm currently pregnant with my second (bio) baby but we lost a daughter at 17 weeks two years ago, and I suspect i'm still grieving. Money is so tight, a constant worry, so can't afford for my DS to do evening or weekend clubs which might give our week more structure.

I sometimes feel so down and despairing and don't know where to turn. I feel like I am failing in every area of life - I work PT but am freelance and don't earn much; I'm doing a Masters to improve my job chances post-baby, but nothing is guaranteed. I wish I could talk to my friends but the ones who would understand are having tough times too and others are so wealthy and comfortable, I fear their judgement.

Does anyone else feel that the constant juggle is too much? I am so lucky in so many ways but can't seem to access that feeling. Feels like everyone else manages to feed their family well, spend time together, have a social life etc etc and I keep falling short. Waking up every day feeling like I've already failed.

You sound like a worrier ie you worry to much about the small things that actually don’t really matter

You’re not failing at all

You’re doing a fantastic job juggling life

It can be hard at times as you’re finding out but so long as there is love in the house and kindness then you’re winning at life

I don't know but I have absolutely gone through patches feeling like this too. Life is incredibly busy for you right now and you are probably exhausted. No harm to talk to your GP either way.

Sweetheart you sound absolutely exhausted. Your children are happy and healthy I assume? Cut yourself some slack. I was not a perfect parent in many ways but they are now grown adults and happy. These years are tough.

If you read on here too much it can make you very insecure about your parenting. The kids who never have UPF, screen time limited to an hour every second Sunday, who are able to cook a gourmet meal aged 13, have immaculate homes, kind polite children, parents who never shout and command their kids respect with merely a raised eyebrow.

In reality most of us are getting by, with good days and bad. Sometimes it’s a beautifully cooked roast dinner, sometimes it’s pot noodle, sometimes the house is calm, sometimes it’s a riot. Try not to compare - everyone fed, nobody dead is as much as I can manage some days, and guess what, my kids are happy, healthy and loved.

If your children are fed, washed and have enough sleep you're doing parenting ok. Does your husband do his share of parenting, cooking, housework? You sound like you are tired and have low mood. It is worth going to the doctor and getting your iron levels checked. Can you get your husband to take your child out for a free activity like kicking a ball around in the park while you rest. Your body is doing amazing but deeply exhausting things at the moment and you need to take it easy even if that means your child is watching a bit more TV than you'd like.

I don't think you are depressed. You're just responding to life.

My advice would be to sit down, quietly, and try to find some 'you' time.

Separate out the things you can change and those you can't.
There are two different things going on- your emotions after your miscarriage, and the money side of your marriage.

Have you used support groups for women post-miscarriage? If not, get in touch with them.

You can control what your kids eat. If that's a challenge, can you and DH tackle that together with shopping and creating a weekly menu? At the moment you have one 4 year old. Are they are school or nursery?

Maybe too, you need to be practical over your work. Is the Masters really going to improve your job prospects? How do you imagine completing it with a new born soon? What field is it in and how does that relate to being freelance?

Freelance work is always feast and famine. I was freelance for 30 years but I was lucky in that DH earned enough so we didn't depend on my income.

It's not a great choice if you aren't getting regular income and always having to tout for work. Do you need to rethink it ?

It always looks like everyone is doing better than you because you never see what is happening behind closed doors, for example this morning i was walking with my 22 month old, we were playing, hunting squirrels, feeding the birds and from an outside point of view didn’t look like we spent 3 hours up and down last night at my wits end absolutely shattered, they also didn’t see me put the tv on when we got home so i could have 10 minutes to have a cup of coffee or that she had wotsits for breakfast during the school run because she refused to eat her cereal this morning, seriously cut yourself some slack we all have those days/weeks where we can’t do everything xx

I've stopped watching television news. I need to cut down print media and scrolling feed