I feel so depressed, I am falling apart.

[WanderlustMom]

I don’t really know what I am going to gain from this, but I guess I just need to vent a little.

I am a mother to an amazing 5 year old boy. I became a mom at 20 years old - and a single mom very soon after that - when he was 1.5 years old I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have his right leg amputated.

Life was tough but we got through it. I unexpectedly met my partner around that time and after many losses, we are due to add a beautiful baby girl to our family early 2026.

I always knew my son would have to have an additional surgery on his residual limb/stump - it’s quite a minor one compared to his actual amputation, however I was always told it would likely be around age 6-7 years old. Unfortunately recent X-rays have showed that this surgery needs to happen ASAP as an emergency, so he is due for surgery in 12 days time.

My heart is just breaking at the thought of it. I know I’ve gone through worse with him before - and that I did completely alone with zero support. But the thought of him going under anaesthesia again and being wheelchair bound for 3 months is so hard to bare - he is the most active little boy ever and the thought of his freedom being stripped away again is so hard.

I am also just going into my third trimester too and have recently developed sciatica. I am in so much pain and I’m really starting to panic at the thought of the physical side of my son’s recovery. I’m already stressed about the pregnancy due to previous losses, we also have a couple of external stresses outside of the family - then everything with my little boy, it all feels so hard to handle.

I manage to keep it together when he’s with me but the second he’s away/asleep I just find myself crying all the time. I just feel at such a loss, life is so hard right now.

I'm sorry you're having to go through all that. I'm sure it feels overwhelming but you've been strong for him before and you'll do it again 💪🏻 sending a hand hold! x

This sounds really incredible difficult, I don't really know what to say but don't want to leave you unanswered. What a lot of stress you are going through. Is your partner supportive of you? Do you have any other family?

If you can, lean on support, even in small ways, friends, family, your partner, whatever helps you carry the load.

My family aren’t great really. My partner is as good as he can be but he’s also self employed so it’s not as though he can just take any kind of sick leave / emergency leave (or whatever people do in these circumstances!) - of course he’ll have time off but then that just adds stress financially so it’s just a crappy situation all round 🙈. My son absolutely loves my partner, it’s all he’s ever known as a father but he’s extremely clingy towards me so I know ultimately mostly everything will be down to me, especially the emotional side. Anyone got any pain tips for sciatica? I could really do with getting this under control.

What a tough time you are having, I’m so sorry, but as others have said you will find your strength, I have had sciatica and found swimming really helped, wishing you and your family strength and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

This sounds so horribly hard. But, you will surprise yourself at what you can get through. You have already shown so much strength to get through what you have so far. You are resilient and you will get through this. Right now, just do whatever it is you need to do to get through. Accept this is a tough time right now but it isn’t forever. And lean on whatever support you can.

Have you reached out to your midwife? There is a perinatal mental health team, they might be able to offer support. And your midwife and GP should be able to help with suggestions on the sciatica. Also worth asking about home start as you may need them when ds is recovering and you have a small baby.

@MissyB1I have a midwife appointment on Monday so I think I will speak to her then. I don’t know why I feel worried talking about mental health with her. As for my son’s recovery, he will be back on his prosthetic leg around the time she arrives so I’m thankful for that at least. On a normal day to day basis we manage absolutely fine, it’s just getting through this surgery recovery during my third trimester - the timing is just unbelievably bad (as selfish as I probably sound, of course my son is my main priority/worry).

I spoke to my midwife about my mental health and she referred me to the perinatal mental health team who were brilliant. They were so supportive and helped me to see that what I was feeling was a normal response to a really difficult situation. There was no judgement.
And just to reassure you…it would be abnormal if you just breezed through a time like this. You’re human and experiencing a normal human reaction to a really stressful time. It’s okay to ask for help.

Echoing pp perinatal mental health team were superb with me (totally different circs tho)
our hospital also had pregnancy physio who did pgp classes but also other things - iirc (i might not) I self refered off a poster they had up but ask the midwife.

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time, but the positives are you have acknowledged that your moos is low and you need help. And you're going to speak to your midwife who can advise re the mental health and sciatica.

I know you say family aren't great, but do they know the difficulties you're facing right now? What about any friends?

I really hope surgery goes well for your little boy, and I'm so glad he has such a loving mummy to support him in recovery.

Let us know how you get on with the midwife, you can chat to us here.

Reach out to.any help you can get OP. It's ok to feel the way you do. I know you were expecting his surgery to be later, but that might have been even more difficult trying to support your son with a toddler, rather than a new born to consider perhaps? I understand that sciatica is very painful. U can't get comfortable. I know it is very common in pregnancy. Ask your midwife. Do you have any friends who might be able to support you in.anyway? Good luck with the your son's operation and recovery and yiur new addition to the family OP.