That felt rather good.

[Whathappend]

I was already sitting alone on a double seat on the train when a man got on at a later station. He sat down next to me and immediately put the armrest between us down. I don't like hard train arm rests, so I immediately put it back up.

He glared at me. I smiled and positioned my arm so he couldn't put it back down

He didn't seem to know what to do with that, so looked away.

He seemed shocked that someone (a woman?) would do that. I couldn't believe his gall that he thought it was ok to join me on the seat and immediately change the dynamic.

It felt a bit of a victory, hence this thread.

Please feel welcome to share any of your mini successes in this vein 😁

Well I think you are the weirdo in this instance. He probably thought he was being polite.

I was going to post exactly the same thing!

I’d prefer the armrest and the separation.

anyway enjoy your victory op 😂

You are the rude one here.
He changed the dynamic by sitting down and - sensibly IMO - put some space between you.
You deliberately blocked him? Good grief. Your sense of entitlement.

A bit bizarre. Better to have it down.

I’d feel awkward sharing a seat with the armrest up if there was a choice to put it down.

“Existing dynamic” 🤣

It was a double seat. You don’t own it all. There is nothing wrong with what he did. If you have a problem with armrests, ask him if he minds if you leave it up.

Sorry, what did he do wrong @Whathappend?

You were in a double seat on public transport. People will sit next to you. The armrests help define each person’s space, and I put them down as well. I’m not sure what you mean by not liking a hard arm rest against you, they don’t usually touch you? Unless your body is actually over the middle because you weren’t sitting fully in your own seat, and then that’s maybe another reason he put it down. To try and get you to move over a bit.

Sorry, OP, I think you were the rude one here. It's understandable that, when there's no-one next to you, you don't feel the need to have the armrest down, but once someone is there it makes sense. You talk about this man changing the environment without asking first, but the environment already was changed by virtue of the fact that he sat there - which he was perfectly entitled to do. Most people would actually feel more comfortable in those circumstances having the armrest down. Did you really want to be rubbing up against a stranger?

The dynamic changed when he sat down (which he has every right to do, because public transport). I think you were the odd one here. He was maybe respecting your space by putting the physical separation in. I find considerate. Maybe he thought you'd prefer that over a man you didn't know having his body touching yours?

You were rude,OP.
It does sound like you have a large chip on your shoulder.

The dynamic was changed when he sat in the seat he’s entitled to sit in (you don’t have extra rights just because you were there first ) It’s called “ Public Transport” and he was being polite by trying to give you space. You were being obnoxious and an embarrassment.

Putting the armrest down is normal because it’s what separates your body from a total stranger’s.

He wasn’t shocked because you’re a woman; he was shocked because having the armrest up when you’re sitting next to stranger is the behaviour of a total weirdo.

If you’d done that to me I’d have thought you were being a bit creepy and invasive.

Did anyone clap and cheer?

If you were a man and a woman had put the armrest down and the man put it up again, people wouldn't hesitate to think he was creepy and after closer contact. Did it really disadvantage you to have the armrest down? You certainly didn't respect that he might want some personal space either. Weird.

Yes, it is that deep