What would have been an appropriate response?

[Blanketfull]

At the supermarket, some boys, maybe 11/12yo were sitting by the trollies commenting on the appearance of every woman who approached. Not sexually or negatively, but even so..I was wearing running kit and they said they liked my shoes. They told another they liked her coat.

I'd like to think there were no sinister undertones they were just being nice, but it seems to me they were learning young how to enjoy making women feel uncomfortable.

I was rubbish and just ignored them. What should I have done?

"I've had this before" describes a completely different thing

No - it's a very similar thing. Teenage boys, working in a pack, commenting on women.

Start your thread again. It’s not clear what they were actually doing! Complimenting or “like your shoes” in a sarcastic way? You said in your opening post it wasn’t negative, but later said they were taking the mickey. So which is it?

That's exactly my point. Just describing it factually creates a lot of what's the fuss about responses, but as the secondary school teacher above has said, it's really highly unlikely that they decided to spend their afternoon giving lots of women genuine compliments, and far more likely it was fun for them to make women uncomfortable.

Would people really be happy for their 11yos to pass the time like this, could you persuade yourselves the DC were doing it to be nice?

Exactly this (secondary teacher here too).

It's designed to appear innocuous so nobody can call them out on it, but it's definitely not innocent, genuine or kind.

• not teenage boys
• "some" is not "a pack"
• calling a woman "gorgeous" (I agree this is bad) is very different from saying someone's trainers are nice

This is a parenting site - how can so many people be so gullible and naïve about 11 yo boys? Why is it taking two teachers to point out what they are up to?

I don't think it is necessarily dreadful toxic masculine sexist stuff. I have seen girls of the same age on TikTok 'innocently' encourage their Mums to dance along in the kitchen while they 'hilariously' copy their dance moves.

It's 'OMG Old People* - how far can we go taking the piss out of them without getting into trouble'

• i.e anyone over 28

I cba to argue with you. The circumstances are very similar imo. Not sure why it matters so much to you to attempt to prove otherwise.

Good point about the age thing here.

I understand your discomfort OP. There is something a bit misogynistic about it like they’re experimenting with power dynamics. I’d probably have said something (calmly) about there not being any need for them to pass comment about strangers. I wouldn’t want my DSs behaving like that.

100% this. i'm secondary school staff.

Interesting because whilst I'm not a teacher I've worked in secondary schools too, maybe that's why I recognised it, whereas parents want to see the best in it.

That said I have two boys (now young men) and whilst I don't think they'd have spent an afternoon deliberately making women feel uncomfortable (who my boys?) I also don't think in a million years they'd have sat around calling out genuine compliments 😄

@Blanketfull "It's really highly unlikely that they decided to spend their afternoon giving lots of women genuine compliments"

Of course it is. Some of these posters want to get real. They were at best having a giggle and at worst "testing the water". Probably a bit of both. Does anyone honestly think a couple of young teenage lads give a flying fuck about what some middle aged'ish woman is wearing. Let alone spend an afternoon hanging round the supermarket to pass chivalrous compliments to every woman that crosses their path! Can you imagine the conversation. "Sam, I think it would be a jolly rollicking idea if we brightened the lives of every woman down at Tescos today." "Oh yes" retorts Jimmy in unparalled excitement, "what an utterly spiffing idea, count me in!"

‘Thanks lads. I like your t-shirt - I’ve got the exact same one at home!’

Brilliant

Get a grip. People are allowed to make observations, especially positive ones.

You'd be genuinely thrilled if this happened to you? Or you heard your son and his friends doing it?

'Do you really? I'm not so keen on yours'
'Are you waiting for Mummy?'
'Have you nothing better to do?'
'Than you so much!' As loud as you can.
Sooner they learn that they can't intimidate adult women the better.

Ah.
The old chestnut of assuming what someone else is thinking.
When they may well have been thinking no such thing.

Your OP isn’t clear.

They were mocking women passing by with faux compliments.

”Thanks, I like your hair” usually will cause enough uncertainty in them for you to feel vindicated.
Although I do like “are you waiting for mummy”

Source - secondary school teacher. In fact I’ve been teaching since 2004 and this year is the first time the students have done this to
me. They are 100% being snide but you can’t challenge it as “I was being nice”.

One of my male collages has had this but I reckon it’s less that females. I’ve probably experienced it three times from unpleasant students unsurprisingly. 🤷‍♀️

Are you really this naive? Or just arguing for the sake of arguing?

Oh come on. Have you really never heard of sarcasm or sneering?

I totally get what you mean OP. It is just not what boys of that age are going to do in a genuine manner. I’m surprised store security didn’t move them on if they were loitering.

Yeah of course. It's a well known passtime for 12 year old boys to hang out down at Sainsbury's and tell every other middle aged women what a nice blouse they're wearing. Sigh.

I've seen teen boys doing this & they don't do it to men, it's about bullying and control