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I've recently more or less stopped drinking, which has changed a lot of dynamics

7 replies

Blanketfull · 01/11/2025 12:08

Especially with one group of friends who I mostly only see for "bjg" nights out. A meal, drinks, dancing.

I'm still happy to go and enjoy myself, I've been surprised myself at how much I actually didn't need the drink to let my hair down.

However, the norm in this group has always been that food and drink flows freely, no one counts or worries about who had a starter/dessert, the expensive cocktail or wine, and the bill is split equally at the end. Or we buy rounds on the same basis. We were all fairly extravagant and over time these things work out. I was genuinely happy with this arrangement, and pleased to be generous with friends sometimes.

Now DP and I are not drinking and much more aware of how much the others are costing us us!

Last night we went to a Halloween fireworks thing with a band and dancing. DP drove and had 2 non alcoholic beers (I.e. more or less equivalent price to real beer). I had two lime and sodas (very cheap). The others were "on it" from the start, having multiple pints and large glasses of wine.

Neither DP nor I bought a round. I'm reasonably relaxed about that as a one off, as by driving DP saved them the cost of a taxi and my drinks were very cheap and neither of us "spent" much, but it obviously isn't OK to never buy drinks.

Is it OK, do you think, to buy a full round now and again but not strictly take your turn?

OP posts:
popcornandpotatoes · 01/11/2025 12:10

I don't like round buying as a concept really, and dh and I both like a drink. Just buy your own, your not expecting anyone else to buy you anything so just opt out completely. That is what I've always done. I want to drink at my own pace. I also don't like people topping up my glass for the same reason

2024onwardsandup · 01/11/2025 12:15

Just say you’re not going into the round because you’re not drinking and you’ll get your own - I have a group with a similar dynamic and they’d be totally cool with that. They wouldn’t expect you to buy a round but I think it would grate after a while if you always got a softie but never got a round in (which I know is what you don’t want to do!)

BerriesChocolate · 01/11/2025 12:29

I never buy rounds or split drinks bills as I don’t drink much.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 01/11/2025 12:31

I think what you did was fine. They will be delighted with the lift home.

Bladderpool · 01/11/2025 12:31

Stopped doing rounds years ago, everyone just gets their own.

Arlanymor · 01/11/2025 12:33

If it's a long night then just say you'll buy your own drinks and not be part of rounds. I'd feel a bit weird if I came home and realised I hadn't put my hand in my pocket all night.

Buscake · 01/11/2025 12:33

I’d still buy a round to be honest. I don’t mind treating my mates if their drinks cost more 🤷‍♀️

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