My son (21) has just told me that he's gay. Practical wisdom from your own experiences please, Mumsnetters?

[Skylermarie]

He's very shy and has an ASD diagnosis but is a bright thoughtful young man. I only want him to be safe, happy and fulfilled but am also concerned about his potential vulnerability in the relationships which may lie ahead for him.

If you've been this mum, please let me have your best practical tips and advice - what has worked for you?
Thank you.

You don’t have to do anything!

Be nice to any prospective partners he brings home, be a shoulder to cry on if things go awry - the usual.

He’s told you he’s gay - not that he’s a werewolf!

Absolutely nothing different than if he was straight. I think the only thing I would do in my situation was ask if he wanted my bigot of a FIL to know (who was eventually fine about his gay granddaughter, but will definitely say some twattish things)

When DD told me she was gay, I just told her I loved her, it made no difference to me and as long as she was happy, I was happy. I did also point out at a later time that I would not have expected her to tell me if she was straight.
We had conversations about relationships generally in terms of consent/safe sex/one night stands etc as she went through her teens though I appreciate your DC is older so you may have had those already.

Practical advice - love your child the way you always have.

Not sure anything further is required.

You don't have to do anything. Just give him the same advice about any sort of relationship if he asks for it.

I don’t think you need you need to make a massive thing of it, it’s 2025 - It isn’t a massive thing. Love him and welcome anyone he brings in to his life with open arms and you’ll be absolutely fine.

Does he tend to come to you for advice around sex and relationships? If you have enough open enough relationship with him for those sorts of talks, then it might be worth doing some research around safe sex practices for gay men and see if you can find out what the dating scene is like in your area.

My DD made the same announcement at the same sort of age. I said Oh! OK! What about your blokes? She said it's not unusual. Then I asked her if I needed to do anything (no). And should I throw a coming out party? No, but she got a rainbow cake out of me next time she came home. It's really not a big deal.

Nothing. My 24 yr old hasn't even told me but spoke to his cousin and said he doesnt need to tell us because we all ready knew. I've known since he was very young.

I think it’s a good idea to talk about safe sex practices for gay men if you’re both comfortable discussing it. He may/may not have anyone else to discuss that with.

When my son was in his early 20s one of his best friends died of an epileptic fit. It was very traumatic. And it prompted my son to write me a letter - he lived with me at the time so handed it to me - in which he told me that he was gay and that his friend who had just died was gay. They weren't in a relationship.

He felt the need to write the letter as he didn't know how I would react.

The strange thing was I'd been pretty certain of my son's sexual orientation for years but I was actually really surprised about his friend. When I told my son I wasn't surprised about him but I was about his pal he thought this was hilarious. And we laughed together and everything was really relaxed from then on.

I let him get on with his life, support him when necessary and don't pry into his relationships - just listen if he wants to talk about them, which in the main he doesn't.

That's all you need to do: just be there for your child when they need you.

One of my sons is autistic and also gay. He found coming out as autistic at work harder. His preferences are nothing to do with anyone else but his partner.

He lives with his partner of 4 years in an apartment. He's had some awful relationships too.

Nothing different to my other kids, or anyone else really. Just part of life.

This is such a weird thread. What would you have to ‘do?’

Literally nothing.

Ds just introduced his boyfriend one day, and dd has introduced both girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. No 'coming out' needed.

There was nothing to do other than be kind and welcoming and find out about them as I did with my sons gf.

Our daughter told us when she was 17.
She's 24 now. Nothing changed. She's still Our girl and we have met several of her partners.
The heart wants what the heart wants

Two of my four are gay.
DD1 came out when she was 19. I was vaguely surprised as she didn't match my imagined stereotype, but in hindsight all the posters on her bedroom wall were Santana from Glee!

DS2 about the same age. He is autistic, but less able (special schooled will always live at home) and much less likely to ever be in a relationship physically as he doesn't like being touched...but I have still talked to him about safe sex .

Other than that... life cracked on as normal!

Grandparents have never commented, and cheerfully came to DD1's wedding :)

Thank you all you dear people who have responded.
I didn't really mean 'what do I do' - rather that I'd appreciate any kind of guidance born out of your first hand experience - and am very grateful for what has been said here. Thank you 💐

my parents have been questionable in some areas but I’ve always brought people home without them batting an eyelid
black, white, male, female… I’ve just turned up and they’re “hello, shall I put the kettle on?”
not a single word about anything!

the most reaction I got was turning up with 6 friends from uni which got “I might need to get more potatoes”