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Confused how I feel.

8 replies

chocolatemuffin75 · 31/10/2025 14:40

I don’t know why but lately at the age of 50 I have been thinking about how my father treated me, he is no longer alive, but I have unanswered questions I wish I had asked him, I guess I never felt I could.
I remember being about 10 we was on the beach with my mum and two brothers, I had a towel around me to cover myself as I was naked underneath, I was struggling to put my swimsuit on and my dad in a temper pulled the towel from me and shouted at me to just put it on, I remember feeling so embarrassed and humiliated I was crying, will never forget it, as far as I remember my mum did nothing or my older brothers. Another time he was telling my brother off quite badly, I got scared and ran to my room he screamed in my face what has it got to do with me. But I think the worst thing was when I was older, I had a hospital appointment to attend, he took me and my mum came too, but he was very angry about the fact he had to take me, my sons weren’t driving then, were old enough too, and he shouted in the car they should have been killed, I have never forgot this, and never told anyone not even my brother I am close too, I don’t know to this day why I didn’t tell him. The only thing I can think of is he said this because he was angry he had to take me, when is his mind one of my sons should be taking me. But what I don’t understand is why I was so upset when he passed away, I’m sure there was other things that happened in my childhood, infact he called me useless when I didn’t get very good grades at school. Why was I so upset? I don’t like to admit but he was never a very loving father, we were all with him when he passed away, I was screaming for him not to die, feeling very confused about all this, can anyone relate? And I’m sorry it’s so long. To add I’ve always had problems maintaining relationships, I don’t really have any friends, I’m more an introvert I guess, and lately I’ve been thinking is my childhood why I am the way I am if that makes sense?

OP posts:
chocolatemuffin75 · 02/11/2025 13:24

Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 02/11/2025 13:51

Bumping for you...

Don't really have anything to add

Crinkle77 · 02/11/2025 15:53

Do you think you were sad at the relationship you never had?

chocolatemuffin75 · 02/11/2025 16:02

Crinkle77 · 02/11/2025 15:53

Do you think you were sad at the relationship you never had?

With my father? I feel bad and confused as I’m making him out to be a bad person, but he wasn’t, he just had a nasty temper sometimes.

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Moomum123 · 02/11/2025 16:09

That’s 2 quite awful examples of someone having a terrible temper and doing and saying dreadful things. Abusing a young girl, and then wishing your children had been killed because he had to drive you somewhere. No one appears to have stood up for you, or supported you against him, therefore he had no consequences for his actions. I wish you peace now, and would suggest perhaps some counselling would help you address the unanswered questions or feelings you have.

chocolatemuffin75 · 02/11/2025 16:16

Moomum123 · 02/11/2025 16:09

That’s 2 quite awful examples of someone having a terrible temper and doing and saying dreadful things. Abusing a young girl, and then wishing your children had been killed because he had to drive you somewhere. No one appears to have stood up for you, or supported you against him, therefore he had no consequences for his actions. I wish you peace now, and would suggest perhaps some counselling would help you address the unanswered questions or feelings you have.

It was awful I often replay the beach episode in my head, but at the same time I feel so confused, as I miss him everyday, I have a candle plaque in my living room, when I need to feel close to him I light it, I don’t understand myself why am I not bitter towards him? Maybe I do need some counselling.

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Crinkle77 · 02/11/2025 16:56

You're not bitter because ultimately most of us want our parents love and approval. Family relationships are complex and can often make us feel confused. As PP says perhaps get some grief counselling.

chocolatemuffin75 · 02/11/2025 17:11

Crinkle77 · 02/11/2025 16:56

You're not bitter because ultimately most of us want our parents love and approval. Family relationships are complex and can often make us feel confused. As PP says perhaps get some grief counselling.

Thank you I think I need too.

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