Any positives to parenting and having 2.

[Radiatelikethis]

I just want to pre-face this by saying I don't regret my children and I do love them very much and want to do the best by them.

I have 2 children (3 and 6 months) and just feel really not cut out for the challenges of parenthood. I don't regret my children and I don't want to say they were a mistake but I think I completely underestimated my ability to be a motherhood. Things seem manageable with one and I feel I've completely screwed my life by having 2.

I want to enjoy my life and for my children to have a mother who loves being a mum. All I read about how it always hard having two and how it's always so hard having kids. I sort of felt I could ride this stage out knowing it would get easier but actually from what I read it doesn't get easier. It feels like there is no enjoyment and that I'm just waiting for the next hurdle or challenge to appear and there will never be periods of time where it is happy and "easy".

The only way I sort of cope with it is by having a plan B where I'll leave my husband when my youngest is one or two and split custody. I feel if I had time to myself, proper time not just an hour here or there I'd find it more enjoyable and cope better.

Does anyone have any words of encouragement or positive stories they can share?

It’s hard work OP.

Mine are 11 and 8 and some days I am absolutely drained!!! It can feel relentless and so, so loud.

However, on the upside I have two children who absolutely ADORE each other and have a very special sibling relationship which I hope will continue through the rest of our their lives.

The hard work of having two of them is far outweighed by the joy, and many benefits they bring to each others lives (which obviously makes me feel like a very blessed parent too).

I have two DSs aged 3 and 5. It's a lot more difficult with two when they are little for sure.

BUT two things:

Firstly, as they get older they play with each other more and more and having that playmate always there is great

Secondly my wife amd I always try and have one day each month as a mummy day and one as a daddy day where one parent looks after the kids all day amd the other has a complete break to lie in bed or go out or whatever. Definitely helps.

Whilst I know not all siblings get on as adults I chose to have 3 DC and hope very much once I'm dead they will be able to gain comfort and support from each other. My DC are young adults now and my 2 ds's who have 7 years between them are quite close even though living 150 miles apart they meet up about 6 times each year. My both meet up with their older sister about twice a year.

Thank you all. I sometimes don't know what I was doing having a 2nd but partly it was driven by my desire for my eldest to have a sibling which is weird considering I don't get on with my own siblings.

My husband is a much better parent than me and a good man but there's no love between us. I feel I'm holding out till the baby is 1.

Our two are teens nowadays and they love each other most in the world.

After the baby adjustment for the eldest, just over two years between, they have been thick as thieves for as long as they can remember.

Hing out on holidays, both learnt and taught the other one different things, celebrated success and heartache together.

Ours are both much better humans from having to accommodate, share and consider each other.

It’s hard at first, more than double having one, but it gets so much easier and you have the easier bit for years and years.

Plus it’s some comfort to us that when we are dead they will still have each other (all going well) to share problems but also to just remember and have that familiarity with until the end of their days. That’s the hope.

And you can’t give them back you need to find a way to make it work and enjoy it if you can.

That's what I hope too.

Any advice on how to enjoy it?

Lean into it.

Nurture their relationship first
So when baby is grabbing say he is trying to do this so he can play with you
When baby is crawling he wants to play with you

Accept that for the next 4 years or so you are not going to get much time for you, you need to exercise by playing with them

When you get little hands in yours, that there is this time you are their world.

Just don't worry about anything else.

There are so many people who never get to have this love, you have grown two new human beings, they will make you tired, frustrated, angry at times, but they also give you so much unconditional love, make you go places and do things that you wouldn't beforehand.

Life is so much better with them. So much better.

Try and enjoy it, even feeding during the twilight hours.