Bereavement - where are the tears? Just feel numb.

[NumbFeeling]

In the past week I’ve lost a family relative suddenly and had to deal with some other major issues.

I just feel numb. Like you could stick a pin in me and it wouldn’t hurt. There are lots of positive things in my life, but I just feel like it’s irrelevant and I feel like I’ve changed as a person after this week.

I’ve only been able to cry a little, when really I should be on the floor sobbing.

I don’t want to lose it and have a meltdown at work or in the street.

Is this normal after a bereavement?

Can you take some time off work to grieve?

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are probably still in shock and your body and brain have gone into survival mode to get through.

Be kind to yourself. Sending you a hug.

Hello,
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re almost certainly in shock and this is normal. Please don’t be by yourself too much, have you got any support around you ?

For a former job I've done some bereavement training . What I learnt is loss is loss , there are no levels to it and someone may be exhibiting great loss of ( let's say ) a guinea pig more so than another person's parent or partner . Because you are not hysterical or wracking sobs , does not mean you are not feeling it .
You might find a trigger sets you off , you might not .
Sorry for your loss .

I think the numbness is your minds way of coping with loss.You might start crying or you may not. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

Sorry for your loss

Yes OP, the way you're feeling is normal.
There are many ways people express their grief and this is one of them, where you feel numb and unlike yourself.

Be kind to yourself as others have said.
Make sure you eat regular nutritious meals, and keep yourself hydrated.
Making sure to take care of your basic needs is very important at this at this very sad time.

Practice self care like mindfulness, being aware of what is around you.
Listen to music, write your feelings in a journal, sit with your memories, or do some gentle stretches or quiet walking, to help relieve the physical tension.
Make sure that you get plenty of rest.

I'm very sorry for your loss @NumbFeeling .
Take care of yourself x

Sorry for your loss.

I think the suddenness of it can really put you in shock. As my name suggests I loathe my DSis last year totally unexpectedly. I was not myself for a long time, I always said that poor DH didn’t know what version of me he was going to get each day. Some days I was numb, others I was super practical and organised things, other days I could joke about her idiosyncrasies, other days i cried all day and some days I just needed to sit. Every day was different.

It took a while but the worst parts will gradually reduce and you will find yourself. You’ll find out who your real friends are and who you thought was a good friend but actually wasn’t there for you.

I was shocked at how much it affected me, having never lost anyone that close but also I really do think the suddenness makes a difference as it is such a shock.

Sorry not to have any answers but you’re not alone. Everybody’s grief is different. To put it bluntly, you do you and take up offers of support from those around you even if it’s a cuppa one day or a hug.

Take care.

Another thing that I learnt was not to care if I ended up crying in public, I could never tell what would set me off (a friend said something at the weekend which started me crying when we were in a cafe).

thankfully I am not a big ugly crier but I really don’t care if someone sees me well up and have to wipe my eyes. That’s life and it’s ok for others to know you’re not having a great day.

There are many stages to grief, you’re probably still numb, in shock or denial. I was after I lost my beloved dad suddenly four years ago. I’d watch distant relatives and his friends weeping and felt nothing, just distant to it all. Three years after, out of the blue I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing my heart out. And I cried for almost a week. Non stop. Last year I lost my mum, I haven’t really cried for her yet, but I will. You need to give time, time. Don’t overthink it, Grief is natural, but it isn’t linear. Look after yourself x