I cared for DH through a long, slow, painful death..

[Pjnow]

And now my Dad has the same diagnosis.

Dad is much older and when his death comes, he'll have live beyond the average life expectancy, but I haven't recovered from the last ordeal yet. People use the word trauma too easily IMO, but dealing with that (during Covid lockdowns) changed me forever, and I don't know if I can face it again.

Fwiw Mum will want to do all the caring without help (DH did have carers) so in theory it won't fall to me, but mum is old and frial too. DSis will have lots of opinions on how Dad "should" be cared for, mostly correct and involving spending money, which I'd be all for, but Mum and Dad won't, and DSis lives 100s of miles away, so won't t be able to actually "do" anything.

I feel like crawling into a hole....

I cared for my late OH through 5 years of his terminal illness. I'm still a wreck mentally from doing it 18 months later. Trauma absolutely is the right word to use in this case.

Offer help and advice if you can, but make sure you take regular breaks away and focus on your own mental health as a priority. Your dad wouldn't want you to destroy yourself just for him so don't feel guilty about taking a step back this time.

Have you had any bereavement and/or trauma counselling OP?