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Hiw woukd you feel about these Christmas plans..?

4 replies

BeforeIdo · 30/10/2025 11:54

What would you do?

Christmas is always tough for me, since DH, my DC's Dad died, im not sure what a family Christmas is supposed to look like. Whist, in many ways, I've moved on with a new realtionship, I still find it very difficult that DC's Dad is no around for the significant occasions.

This year, my Dad has a cancer diagnosis and treatment, my Mum, which until recently was everyone's rock has suddenly become very frail, and my sister and her family will be with her in laws. Leaving me to "entertian" Mum and Dad, plus two youg adult DC, one of whom will likely eat dinner with us but the be chomping at the bit to see his GF anf the other who struggles with MH and is almost a recluse.

My BF has just told me he'll be going to his brother's with his parents. I was expecting that. I've always told myself it's just one day, there's no reason to make people miserable by making them feel pulled from pillar to post (so e.g. DS should go to GF if that's what he wants) and there are other good things planned over the holiday period.

BF shoukd go and make his parents happy, but hed said he come and join us in the evening, and I now realise he means about 10pm, not the teatime I was expecting.

I think I'll be ready for bed by about 9pm. I expect Mum and Dad will go home long before then. I know he's trying to do what will make me happy, but it makes me want to cry. The day is always hard for me anyway.

If I made a fuss I think he'd probably change his plans, but I don't want to be that person...or to be the reason he upsets his (perfectly lovely) Mum.

I need some ideas for making a potentially miserable Christmas day a bit bearable.

OP posts:
JustReacher · 30/10/2025 11:58

I'm sorry for your loss.

Can you throw some money at the problem and book yourselves into a nice hotel so everything is taken care of?

If not, is there anyone else in your friend or family group who is great company and would like to join you and who would make the day better?

I'd like sulky young adults do what they want tbh, sod them sitting around making everyone miserable.

JustReacher · 30/10/2025 11:59

Also, plan lovely but not hard to make food, feel good films, good board games etc.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 30/10/2025 12:03

Hmm I would tell your bf you are going to spend the day with family and see him Boxing Day- that takes away one upset of him not being there. I would take a relaxed approach and have a quiet Christmas with an easy meal and then make the afternoon about yourself- some nice snacks and alcohol and a nice film and if needed a box of tissues for your tears. Don’t put any expectation on the day and put yourself first x

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FlyingUnicornWings · 30/10/2025 12:06

I think if you’re ready to turn in by that time after a low key day, let your bf know. He doesn’t have to change his plans, maybe you could see him Boxing Day?

Build something nice into the day that you will enjoy though, I don’t know what that looks like for you, but for me it would be good food.

I don’t know what your budget is, but buying Christmas food that unties you from being in the kitchen all day is a winner: a turkey crown, pre - peeled roasties you can bung in the oven. Pre-prepped veg and a pot of gravy. I know these things are more pricey but if you can free yourself up then do it.

Im really sorry for your loss, and for your dad’s illness and mum being frail. It’s put the pressure on you this Christmas. I do hope you manage to have a nice day.

Also as for your kids, let them do their thing. They might be missing their dad too and cope with it in their own way.

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