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Original poster

How would you feel in BF's position?

6 replies

Zigzagmug · 30/10/2025 11:33

There's a trip I've always wanted to do.

I had a period of singleness after a long marriage, and was starting to enjoy travelling etc alone.

Then I unexpectedly met BF (a year ago) and we've travelled together ever since, either as a couple or with friends. Probably 6 overseas short breaks this year and some in UK.

These are always short and done on a budget, which is great and I've loved them all.

However, when I was travelling alone, I'd identified another trip I'd really like to do. 14 days somewhere warm in the summer around a specific interest of mine.

BF couldn't afford to come (I suspect) and if he could, I doubt he'd want to spend holiday of a lifetime money on this particular trip.

I'm happy to go alone, I don't think he try and stop me if that's what I wanted to do, but a year in I think I might be a bit sad that if he wanted to do something like this without me.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
DancingLions · 30/10/2025 11:50

I've done this before when dating, gone away alone. I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact I think it's a healthy thing to do. You're not joined at the hip. And I would hope he wouldn't try and stop you! That would be a huge red flag to me.

NannyOggAlterEgo · 30/10/2025 11:53

I know from one side someone who cares about you should be happy you can make you dream true. But.. even logically knowing that I personally would be very unhappy to be left out especially if it was because I just couldn't afford so my partner without hesitation (not saying you as clearly you do think about his feelings) just go alone. I just more believe in sharing life, although people are different and that is good :) Try to have open honest conversation with him however if it is because of money he might have problem to admit it?

Original poster
Zigzagmug · 30/10/2025 11:57

DancingLions · 30/10/2025 11:50

I've done this before when dating, gone away alone. I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact I think it's a healthy thing to do. You're not joined at the hip. And I would hope he wouldn't try and stop you! That would be a huge red flag to me.

I don't think for a minute he'd try and stop me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zigzagmug · 30/10/2025 11:58

NannyOggAlterEgo · 30/10/2025 11:53

I know from one side someone who cares about you should be happy you can make you dream true. But.. even logically knowing that I personally would be very unhappy to be left out especially if it was because I just couldn't afford so my partner without hesitation (not saying you as clearly you do think about his feelings) just go alone. I just more believe in sharing life, although people are different and that is good :) Try to have open honest conversation with him however if it is because of money he might have problem to admit it?

Yes this is my thinking.

Whilst I'd try and be pleased for him, I think theres a part of me that wouldn't like the fact he wanted to go away without me, however much sense it made.

OP posts:
MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 11:59

If I knew I'd be upset enough to show my feelings if he did the same thing, I wouldn't do it.

showyourquality · 30/10/2025 12:56

30 years in I’m fine with DH spending time and money on trips focused around interests he has and I don’t share. I suspect a year in I might have been sadder but over time I’ve realized it’s really important to do things that are of value to you.
We really do only get one life. Being in a good relationship includes having the space to do things that are important to you.

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