Would you help someone on a Friends Reunited type fb page?

[ChristmasFairyLiquid]

After views please…

I follow a page on fb where people look for lost family members/friends.

A recent post is looking for someone who I remember from primary school (the poster think they are a sibling).

I’m not friends with the person they are looking for, though can easily find their profile via mutual friends. This person has changed their name from the one they’re being searched under, so it’s unlikely the searcher will find them.

I’m torn between:

1. ignoring it as none of my business (though clearly the page depends on people sharing info that might be technically none of their business!) - and what if the person doesn’t want to know they have a sibling etc
2. Messaging the poster (ie not posting on the page) with the name of the person
3. Commenting on the post, anonymously, to say ‘I suggest you post in X town fb page’ as I’m sure this would lead to them finding the person, but mean I haven’t directly put them in contact

What would the hive mind do?

fuck no.

search my posts. I have a violent stalker who raped me. There is no fucking way if I was on social media I’d want some helpful twat giving him all my contact details.

I would make the effort to contact the person being looked for and let them know. I am sure that in the majority of cases people are genuinely looking to reconnect with old friends and it sounds like you would be able to help out with that. But there is always a risk that there is good reason why someone wouldn’t want to be contacted by the searcher. Use your network to contact the person being searched for first.

I agree with the above poster, do not give them any details about the person. The only thing you could do it screenshot the post they have done on the reuniting page and send it to one of the mutual friends (if you can't contact the person directly) and explain that you don't want to pass details on to a stranger but someone is asking about them. Then it is their choice if they want to contact.

Absolutely don't pass on anyone's information!

The thought of someone doing this to me, if someone was hunting me down under the pretence of sharing genes is truly horrifying.
Also, to receive an unasked for message that someone is searching me would be incredibly traumatic. This would apply to many, many other people, too.

No way would I pass on any info. I have changed my name on social media and there are specific safety reasons for that as I am sure most people have.

The absolute most you can do is pass on the searcher's info to the person being searched and leave it up to them.

I wouldn’t want my details passed on to people on social media. My ex turned up at my new place of work once and caused a fuss. A mutual friend told him I’d moved jobs. He doesn’t know where I live or where I work now. I’m two cities away and fucking relieved about it.

Equally, if he was stalking social media to try and find me I’d want to know about it. So I’d perhaps contact the person who is being looked for, and give them a heads up. If it’s innocent then all fine and they can choose to reach out. If it’s sinister, they are now forewarned.

I wouldn't help the person searching.

They could be someone the person they are looking for has deliberately cut out of their life and just making up the possible sibling story as an excuse. (And even if they're genuine the person they're looking for might not want their details being shared with a stranger.)

The most I would do is contact the person being searched for, if possible, to let them know. Then they could take steps to either keep them self safe or choose whether to contact the searcher.

Thank you all. A strong consensus not to go for option 2 then!

In case useful context, the name change was due to adoption as a child (I remember the person - who is a male - being known by both names at school).

But even so I take the wider point, obviously, about name changes and people not wanting to be found.

I wouldn’t want to message the person being sought for my own reasons (not wanting to revisit my primary school days; not wanting to be the person who potentially delivers rather shocking news of a potential sibling).

So a huge amount of trauma will be involved, then. Absolutely not.

If the adopted person wants to find people who share their genes they will know how to do that.

So you're saying that the person you were at school with was adopted as a child and the person searching for him is a birth sibling who hasn't previously had contact?

There are ways of approaching this via the right adoption channels, which will put people in touch if they both want to and have said so, often involving counselling and advice in advance. The birth sibling is perfectly at liberty to do this. Or they have done this, and the adopted adult doesn't want to be in touch with birth family, or not now, which is a decision only he can make, and the birth sibling is trying to override this.

Definitely not something to get involved with.

No way. I hate it when I see people “finding” long lost relatives on public social media posts, it’s so inappropriate.

(have not RTFT) Never ever.

If you know the person being looked for - you could contact them and let them know (nothing more) that x is looking for them. Just as a heads up

I'd keep totally out of it. Unless the person being searched was a close friend and I knew a lot about their background and how they'd likely respond, in which case I might tell them I'd seen the post.

I wouldn’t want to message the person being sought for my own reasons

So you want to maintain your own privacy and well-being while considering whether or not to forward their information to a stranger on the internet? 🤷

Thank you, you’ve all been really helpful. I’ll ignore it and not do anything, and won’t feel guilty about doing that, which I would have done without posting here, so thanks.