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Lost my ambition, drive, sense of purpose or direction - what now?…

7 replies

Ceramekins · 29/10/2025 17:42

Not sure what I am hoping to achieve baring my sole here, but maybe to feel heard, or get a kick up the backside, or to find out if others feel the same. It’s probably mid life crisis (F47) but how can one snap out of it?

I feel that I have unintentionally rushed through life by my early 40s - had a child at 21; two failed marriages by 30, moved countries and settled in the UK from mid 20s, without my family, just my DC, for the second marriage; two degrees and Master’s by early 30s; constant career progression; financially secure and married The One recently after almost 20 years together. But my whole life I have never felt secure, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not personable enough, too foreign, too young for this, too old for that. I have made plans to achieve specific goals always from place of fear (that has been instilled in me by pushy, dominant mother) and life’s milestones were marked as ticks. And then in my early 40s, I must have burnt out without realising. DC has flown the nest, mortgage paid off, I am in the job that I do not love or feel competent in, and I have no mojo to change anything. I just drift waiting for something bad to happen while maintaining positive facade.

Then I watched VB documentary, caught up with a few former colleagues at the industry event today, watched them being excited about their work, and realised how I have let myself go - I do not even know what I want or like. I have never had time / inclination for specialist hobbies. I exercise and cook, read and travel. It’s a good life that I am just not appreciating or capable of enjoying and I feel like I have nothing to aim for, no mojo to even update my CV. Feels like I have completed everything I was ever capable off, lied down for a rest and can’t get up anymore while everyone around is making 5 year plans. Can’t say anything to DH because I do not want to stress him out with what does not make any sense to me.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 29/10/2025 21:47

Don't judge your state of mind against a Netflix documentary or people presenting a front at an event!

The way you feel is not unusual and not to be feared. A bit of up and down is normal for humans.

Career is not life. So maybe it's time to think about what you want beyond the career, what might you fancy doing next Tuesday?

Updating your CV sounds very boring, there must be something more fun to do than that!

Justnotsureaboutit2021 · 29/10/2025 22:13

I'm in a very similar boat in respect of the loss of ambition and drive when it comes to work. I'm a couple of years older than you and am so bored with my work, I think it is actually making me quite depressed. In my 20's and 30's I worked incredibly hard and long hours and reached a very senior level in my field. I now know after taking some time out of work to have my children, that the work satisfied something in me that I no longer need satisfying. Not wishing to be too outing but my motivation to succeed was based upon my needing to control everything after a very rough childhood. After processing that through therapy, I don't have such a need to control anymore and thus my original motivation no longer exists to that extreme level. I wonder if you feel the same. I currently feel as though I need to find a new motivation and to reinvent myself, but I have no idea into what to! It's really frustrating and in the meantime I just plod on hoping something will pique my interest and lead me to bigger and brighter things whilst knowing the life doesn't work that way and that we need to make our own paths into the new etc..

BTW You will likely get some posters coming on in a moment to say this is perimenopause related and to get some HRT. That may well help you, if you are not on it already. I am on HRT and whilst it is wonderful for me in many aspects of my life, if has not resolve the desire to do something completely new and to get away from the boring work that I've been doing since my 20's and now do on a part time/freelance basis. I feel i need to do something completely different for this next phase of my life, albeit am rather scared to in case it's a mistake, and it sounds as though you do too.

Ceramekins · 30/10/2025 07:48

@Justnotsureaboutit2021 Thank you for your post, this is very much how I feel and often wondered if therapy may help, while also thinking it’s indulgent and I should just get on with it. My DH is passionate about a sport and it does not take a lot of time to train to maintain but gives him focus and an outlet, since childhood. This is kind of what you are taking about I think but you cannot just make it up, there is a natural drive in him. Same with my DC and their work - they have known since 14 what they wanted to do and love every day. But I feel like I am drifting and there is nothing to really get excited about. I had vile PMS, so was put on a mini pill few years back which has made a miraculous change but I have no other peri symptoms… thanks again for sharing your thoughts…

OP posts:
Pancakeorcrepe · 30/10/2025 10:53

OP you sound amazing and very self-aware. Please don’t be too hard on yourself, it is not indulgent to look after your mental health and overall well-being. Therapy looks like it could be very effective for you, you might not need many sessions. You owe it to yourself to be happy, don’t accept anything less than that. You’ve probably been focussed on raising your family and keeping all the wheels spinning. It is your turn now. Do it for yourself! If it helps to motivate you, please know that your partner and children will also benefit from a happy and fulfilled you in their lives.

EveryMeandEveryYou · 30/10/2025 10:59

I think a lot of women feel like this around 40-50. Possibly peri symptoms combined with crushing tiredness and boredom of doing all of the mental admin and family support.

Maybe see a GP about getting bloods done to check for anemia and vit D deficiencies.

Might just be me but a lot of my friends feel the same, most of us on anti-depressants and eyeing up HRT as a hope to finding the point.

Mischance · 31/10/2025 08:42

I spent 25 years as a social worker then retrained in photography and worked for a media company whilst also running singing workshops.
It was a risk ... I jumped out of a solid job and my pension has been hit ... but I was living and doing what I enjoyed! Only got one life ......

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 08:47

Mischance · 31/10/2025 08:42

I spent 25 years as a social worker then retrained in photography and worked for a media company whilst also running singing workshops.
It was a risk ... I jumped out of a solid job and my pension has been hit ... but I was living and doing what I enjoyed! Only got one life ......

Have you tried to get a job in the last year? CV's don't work like they used to and AI is taking all the entry level jobs.

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