I want to start by saying I love my child but life is starting to feel like torture and a trap.
I work 40 hrs, live with just me and my child and am recovering from my autoimmune disease levels not being under control.
Im basically getting to breaking point more
often than not when the day is done I sit in pure anxiety, cry and sometimes have panic / anxiety attacks to the point I can’t breathe (not sure what the right word is). As a cry for help I’ve asked my child’s dad who left the family home nearly two years ago in a quest ‘to sort his head out’ to step in. He doesn’t really have a actual job so earns no money and relies on UC so is not able to financially help, he’s been trying to pursue his filming career for years which usually results in him being busy filming and editing so he can’t help as he can not edit at home with little one but he’s not really getting paid which is not his fault but all finances for our little one is on me. Weekends he loves to go for a night out and get the best of both worlds. I tried to explain in one of my low moments that I don’t get to leave and ‘find myself’, half term has come and I can only afford term time child care so I’m at home working with little one. He can decline to help out because he has ‘work’ but I have to suck it up and work with a toddler screaming at me. He can go out and be carefree while I have to beg someone to watch my little one so I can go to the gym to clear my mind. He took it as an attack but I was trying to show how I can’t opt out of parenting and responsibilities. Maybe I’m being selfish but my job actually pays me which allows me to put a roof over mine and little ones head and also allows my little ones dad to not have to pay a thing, I think he should have to watch her while I’m working as it’s worse if I lose my job. He doesn’t have little one over night and I sort everything even give him money to take LO out.
Overall I’m at breaking point I don’t know what to do. Most days I feel like I can’t breathe as I’m trying not to fall apart. Nothing is getting better only worse. I’m basically writing in here as I don’t know what to do to feel better.
reposting as I think I posted in the wrong section.