First Sleepover Nerves - daughter 12 going for first sleep over with friend.

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

Hi everyone,

My 12-year-old is off to her first proper sleepover this weekend, and it’s not with family! She’s staying at a school friend’s house, and while she’s beyond excited, I’m quietly having a bit of an anxiety spiral about it.

I don’t know the family personally, I’ve met the child a couple of times and she seems lovely. They live about an hour away, and both girls go to a school that’s out of our area, so it’s not like we bump into each other locally. From what I’ve gathered (mainly from my daughter’s texts), their family is from a different country and they have quite a different parenting style to ours.

I’m genuinely happy she’s being included and has the chance to spend more time with her friend, but I can’t stop worrying, mostly because it’s new territory for both of us. We’ve spoken to her about being sensible, calling us if she feels uncomfortable, and keeping her phone charged, but still… my brain is in overdrive!

Has anyone else been through this recently? Any tips for managing the anxiety of letting them go that first time? Or things I should check/ask beforehand without seeming overbearing?

Thanks in advance, trying to remind myself it’s a good thing she’s growing up and finding her independence… even if my nerves haven’t quite caught up yet!

Relax. She is 12. She will do fine.

Have you ever spoken to these parents with quite a different parenting style to yours?

No, we haven’t met.

I would definitely want to have a chat with parents before my child stayed there
how do you know who else is in the house? A paedo uncle or big brother?

And you've never picked up the phone to them? These people with a different parenting style to yours who live an hour away and whose house you've never been to but your 12-yr old daughter will be staying at?

I would definitely want to have a chat with parents before my child stayed there
how do you know who else is in the house? A paedo uncle or big brother?

So you're having a chat with the mum and she says oh, by the way, paedo uncle will be here, that won't be a problem, will it?

She’s 12 so you don’t need to worry too much - she can ring you if needed.
Have a nice evening out to take your mind off it. She will be at uni before you know it and you will have no idea who she is spending time with then!

Has your daughter been to the house before/met the parents?

I’d ask who else is there and if uncles or big brother and his friends I’d probably not allow it to happen

Personally I think age 12 for a first sleep over is really old - my eldest has been doing them since around age 8. But I wouldn’t have allowed a sleepover somewhere which is an hour away

There’s no way I’d be letting mine go to a house where I didn’t know the parents ‘well’

My kids have also been having sleepovers from around age 9, but with quite specific conditions. - i.e. I knew the parents well, had visited the house, knew there wouldn't be unsupervised phone usage, knew there were no dogs etc.

To be blunt, I can't think of a scenario in which I'd merrily let my 12-yr old stay at the house of people I'd never spoken to (let alone met) an hour away.

This. My kids had plenty sleepovers in primary school where you know the family and they’re only 5 min walk away.

it feels like you’ve skipped all the warm up stages and gone straight for the top level risk?

how come she hasn’t had sleepovers before?
why hasn’t she been to the house before?
all seems a bit odd.

Personally of ring the parents ...just to say Hello ...blah blah is looking fwd to the sleepover...what would you like her bring...( ie pillow sleeping bag etc ) chat about any plans they might have ..what time is pick up and drop off etc id be dropping her off ...and would want to get a glimpse of them and home !!!

Sorry typo....I'd RING the parents

How has your daughter gone through primary school without any sleepovers?! If you’re concerned about the arrangements, why haven’t you phoned the parents as has already been suggested? And what are the differences in parenting styles that you’re concerned about?

I’d want to have met the parents as well. My DS has just started secondary and been invited to a few sleepovers. He knows if I don’t meet the parents before he isn’t going so I now seem to have a lot of coffees in the diary!