Just a rant about my bloody ex

[Justarantaboutmyex]

Gets our kids for a few hours twice a month.

One dc really doesn't want to go so takes lots of convincing, at handover I'm calm but firm, tell dc that I will see them at tea time etc while he stands doing fuck all for 20/30 mins as I try to leave.

At pick up he deliberately upsets them, lots of "daddy is going to be so lonely for these 2 weeks until I see you again" and "I'm going home to cry because I just miss you so much" and him not letting them come to me because he can't stop hugging them.

The kids have said that today he has told them they aren't allowed to talk about me at all on his time, and has banned them from contacting me at all (one dc is autistic, and the other is very attached to me, so I send them with their phones and if they miss me they send a <3 and I send one back, just for reassurance, it was a compromise to settle them down) they have also had to call me more than once because he has left them alone to go into a shop, or sent them to toilets by themselves and they have got lost.

They are 7 and 9 (phones are dumbphones just for contact time as he makes them anxious and this was a way to help).

I get he wants them focused on him during his time but he puts in fuck all effort and spends a fair chuck of time insulting me and undermining me to them, and doesn't work on his relationship with them, he just expects them to be all over him on his 2 days a month and he has zero contact between times.

His days are court ordered and he wants whole weekends and is taking me to court for that, which I'm not against I'm the longer term but just now he is a really crappy and manipulative dad who is more focused on pissing me off the parenting them.

Another night of smiling through gritted teeth and calming my dc down until next time I guess. My poor kids deserve so much better.

Can someone d else facilitate drop off and pick up with him?

if you’re not there, he probably won’t play the stupid games as it’s all to annoy you

The only person would be my adult ds which I tried and ds was treated to a barage of homophobia and ex called him a pervert in front of his siblings, or my dp which would probably make things even worse.

I keep calm, don't engage, and be civil when needed, but he just wants to be a dick.

If he keeps on this way when my dc are old enough they won't want a relationship with him, which is the last thing I want really, I want them to have a loving, engaged dad, but they end up with this twat instead.

I understand why you want them to have a loving and engaged dad, but that's not what they have. My eldest dd is now 14 and I've been separated from her dad for nearly 12 years. Recently she's elected to spend less time with him because he's never been an engaged dad, just piled his expectations of their relationship on her. She's old enough to start to see him for who he is and their relationship is starting to crumble because he hasn't put in the effort. As long as you aren't obstructing his contact then his relationship with his child is his responsibility and you shouldn't feel any guilt if it doesn't last or meet his expectations now or in the future.