I used to turn heads ...

[etchasketch100]

I used to be really slim
No responsibilities
No stress, except what to wear on and night out

I miss it all so much. Now I'd be lucky if the local blind tramp looked at me

I'm 50 with DH, DC, house, work, daily grind,
Love my family to bits but Feeling really low tonight

How are you doing financially and for time?

In culture now, beyond the beauty of youth, good looks are based on effort.

If it’s something you value and want to prioritise having that feeling of being desirable, then throw a bit of money and time at it. Get your hair done, manicure, skincare, Botox, mounjaro, good wardrobe, Pilates etc.

If what you’re actually missing is the elusive ‘youth’ of being carefree and 22, consider what is and isn’t within the power of your control. Are you happy with your life? What can you change? The passage of time is something we can’t control, but we can reframe our mindset to the privilege of being fortunate to continue down the path of life, when many others don’t.

Me too OP, it’s hard to come to terms with

Is tramp a respectable word for someone who’s homeless? To me, it’s a very unempathetic and disrespectful way of referring to someone.

That aside, looks aren’t everything, with age often comes the realisation that someone’s personality is more important. Do you not feel this? What do you tell your daughter about looks and external validation?

I find getting older hard but I imagine it's much harder when your looks are a big part of your identity. The thing is you might feel like a lesser version of what you were but to another 50 year old who was average at 20 you are still a beauty.

I’ve always been a bit of a munter op. I guess I’m lucky as I’m used to it?

I was thinking about this the other day but feel very different about it than you do. I used to turn heads. And it mattered to me at the time. I look back and think: why was I so desperate to please the eyes of complete strangers? Why did their opinion of how I looked matter to me? I do miss looking as good as I feel inside. But I am glad I no longer care what any man thinks of me, except the less-than-a-handful of men who matter in my life.

Wow. This is exactly how I've been feeling recently, it's been getting me so down and causing such low self esteem, and I'm only 36. I just don't feel like my old self.

It sucks doesn't it.

Two years ago I was fat and bald (thank you chemo) but I've got my mojo back, if I can do it, anyone can 💪

🙄 you have a husband and children and are probably comfortable financially and security wise to have time to naval gaze like this. Be grateful.

We were all much hotter in our 20s! Full of Collagen and sparkle. Then you get older. It's a privilege to get older. It's not afforded to all.

Get some perspective and accept its the younger generations womens time to shine and wear the crown now. And in 20 years it'll be their daughter and Cos time. Get over yourself, come on!

This. You have what some people dream of but never achieve, or do achieve it and then it’s ripped away from them through divorce/separation/death/abuse. You need to check your privilege and stop placing so much importance on youth & beauty. You’re at a different stage in your life now. You had your time & it ain’t coming back. You’re probably also looking back through rose tinted glasses, most people conveniently don’t remember how insecure they felt in their 20s. You need to appreciate what you’ve got now and let go of the past. Maybe your looks aren’t the most exciting thing about you anymore, focus on your other qualities instead.

So lift heavy weights & get ripped. Look on instragram and you’ll see amazing 50 year old influencers who look fab.

Probably the only thing you can change there is your weight if it makes you unhappy.

The rest is really about counting your blessings.

Do you have a good marriage? Do your kids love you?

You have a house, a husband, a family you love and your eyesight.

Which is more than the aforementioned blind tramp has.

Best advice on here, secretly having abs and being powerful is life changing. Find a sports or something you love to give yourself purpose and value.

But also it’s ok to wallow, I miss being in my 30s but I’ll take 50.

You are married to the love of your life.
You are the love of his life.
You looked at each other and thought "I love this person so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with them".
That must be so wonderful!
And you have a child/children, you have a house, you have a job!
More wonderful things!

And every time you walk by, your husband's head is turned. Looking at you.
And every time your husband walks by, your head is turned. Looking at him. And you think, that is my husband. Love of my life. I am so lucky.

I hated the attention of my youth. I wanted friends but men always wanted more and women were wary.

I was lied to, lied about, whistled like I was a dog.

I was stalked, chased, objectified.

Now I'm invisible and seen for who I am.

My value is not in my appearance anymore and I appreciate that so much!

Yes - I’m 51 - I have abs / 6 pack now, and am
in the best shape of my life. It’s not even secret, I wear crop tops in the gym. I find it very empowering.

I am a similar age to you and also feel like this at times . In my youth I would have been considered fairly attractive and do wish I had appreciated it more then .
I do feel very invisible now and I think that it is mostly due to the weight I have put on . I don’t really have any confidence in my appearance , although still make an effort with clothes / colouring my hair .
as previous posters have said this is a fact of life and society does seem to put a value on youth and appearances . Not all men , but enough are driven by physical attractiveness.
I have gone through a very messy separation( cheating ) and I do think my weight was a factor .By no means the only factor though . My ex has certainly replaced me with women who are super slim ( runners bodies ) .
i do mean to tackle my weight gain but I am really lacking in motivation and food is a comfort for me .Difficult when my life is busy and stressful .

I think like me you have to do what will give you more confidence and boost your self esteem . It is easy to get into a rut from peri menopause onwards and I do certainly think that whilst we may have experienced aging before , this is when it ramps up . If you aren’t already on it , look into if HRT would be beneficial for you .

I have lost several friends to cancer and I do remind myself that whilst ageing isn’t great , the alternative is far worse .

I used to be utterly gorgeous. Over the past four years or so, I've become slightly invisible and I love it. No more being stared, no more mad jealousy inspired hatred and bitchiness. Granted I don't really try to make friends anymore and have a handful of close friends, single and much prefer my life like this. I've let my grey grow, spend time with my two dogs and my children who I'm lucky to have and looking forward to retirement now.
Plus agree with weight training, I've always been active and fit, but weight training has given me muscles in my 50s, and abs for the first time since I was a teen.
You have so much in life, try to look at the positive

It's OK to feel a bit down about the loss of youth and I hate the insistence that you should be filled with joy about it because some people don't have what you have or your spouse could be dead/dying/unfaithful/imaginary etc.
Yes some people have it harder than you but your feelings matter and are completely valid.

😅😂

Me too. And also - I don't give a shit.

The blind tramp will have a backstory as well.

I don’t think you should be full of joy at growing older but it’s far better to look forward and enjoy what life is left to you than bemoan what can never be changed

I was never a head turner, although I could scrub up ok. I also never placed huge value on my looks. Is that would my friends valued me for? Did I want to be valued for something that I couldn’t really control? Or did I want to be valued for my intellect, my humour, my kindness etc?

Frankly, men will turn their attention to pretty much anything but as I’ve got older, the decline in cat calling and the wolf whistling is nothing short of a fucking blessing. I don’t want to be approached by ransoms as I go about my day. I smile when I want to and I’m no longer told by strangers that “it might never happen”