I’ve always been the same since I was a child, I absolutely hate being told what to do or the idea of someone being in any sort of authority of me. If a teacher would tell me off or said something I didn’t like- I’d dislike them forever. I’d not want to go to school anymore. I’d actively think of ways in my head that i could get them back or punish them.
and stupidly, I’m the same in adult life. I’m hardworking, and nice I’d say, I managed university fine (but that was a lot of free will) but I’ve had 4 jobs in 5 years and it always ends up the same, I’m fine, I pass probation, but I get to the year mark and start disliking it, disliking my manager- if my manager suggests something or says any feedback about my work I get the hump. I can’t accept praise either. There’s no resilience, I just leave and I’m onto the next. I find being told what to do, or assigned tasks overwhelming.
Im the same with friends, if they do anything or say one thing I don’t like. I cut them off. I can’t be doing with it, I get annoyed at them easily. I find friendships overwhelming I think. It’s the same with work, I don’t like having the responsibility of keeping something going on my shoulders
Now I’m leaving my job again, I’m self aware I'm the problem. I’d like to be a better employee, I’d like to be a better friend- but I don’t know where to start? I don’t know how to change or describe my feelings. My parents were always big coddlers, very reassuring, very loving and huggy- and “everything is possible, you’re amazing” so I wonder if that’s made me not able to accept any form of rejection or comment because I never had that til work/school/friends.
where do I start?