Teaching autistic teen about relationships

[SchoolSENFrus]

Looking for resources or professionals to help teach DS about relationships. He’s independent in self care, cooking, gardening, some travelling, etc, but struggles with understanding the right boundaries regarding topics ( will go in about games, e.g) for conversations, etc. His friends are usually two years younger as he’s socially behind so finds that easier. He’s 16 soon and one or two of his female friends have started showing interest so we need him to understand the legal implications of consent, etc and understand why he shouldn’t encourage them. He has had brief crushes in the past and hasn’t understood what to do with those feelings but we’ve assured them they’re normal and would pass, which they did, thankfully.

He’s very caring and empathetic and I. kilsby have asked for a better son, inspire of his challenges,tbh, but we feel in these areas a very black and white approach might work as far as possible?. I know feelings aren’t black and white but legalities are.

I’ve come across PEERS but don’t know anyone who has used it.

Any advice from those who have travelled this path already or are currently doing so?

Does your ds understand about his own personal boundaries, that nobody may touch him without his consent, for example?

He absolutely understands that part. We managed to teach him that very effectively in early primary years using the concept of ‘my body belongs to me’.

Does he ever exercise it? Eg if you go to touch him, does he ever say “No” and see this respected?

In my (admittedly limited) experience, having this example helps in teaching respect for others’ boundaries. But not monologuing upon his topic of interest is a different thing. That is social skills, not boundaries.

That’s a really good point. He’s always said no at home, if he doesn’t want to play or be tickled, etc etc. He used to come home youth club sometimes and has not said no when other boys have been trying to play rough, for e.g. which he hates. He’s got so much better at that these days though.

It’s very interesting that you mention the link. Something to think about. Thank you

PEERS can be very effective but doesn’t cover the specific issues around consent and physical relationships. IME it was more focussed on younger children and getting them to “ping-pong” in conversations, ask questions of the other person and listen to the response. My child was amongst the oldest on the course at 14 so maybe if tailored to older teens might cover the issues you are looking at.

National Autistic Society might have something? I seem to recall one of their parent courses has a module on coping with adolescence.

Can you check the NSPCC site, I’m pretty sure I saw somewhere in the CASPAR update this week about materials available there on teaching young people about good relationships, consent etc. They have a lot of good stuff on their site

Just popping back to say it is the NSPCC - it’s under Research & Resources on their site and called ‘It’s Not Love’ ; they have another one on there about consent. Both are free to use

Hope these help.