Trackers for teenagers

[HurdyGurdy19]

Once my granddaughter (age 14) wanted to start meeting friends in town, and going out a bit more, my daughter got the Life360 app on her daughter's Android phone, which worked well.

Until her daughter's dad found out about it and went batshit, deleted the app, and is threatening to go to the police and "look into the legalities" of it.

Fair enough, my daughter foolishly didn't tell him she was putting the app on the phone - which is provided and paid for by him. And didn't tell him once it was on. She "assumed" her daughter would tell him. (The parents barely speak to each other.) I suspect he's pissed off as it means my daughter can know where HE is when their child is with him (she really couldn't care less about HIS whereabouts). She told him they can turn location off in the app when he is with their child, but this wasn't acceptable to him.

She asked him what he proposed to do to keep their daughter safe, and he has pushed it back to her, telling her that she needs to find a solution.

My granddaughter sees her dad from Sunday morning until school drop off on Tuesday every week, and she never goes out alone when she's in his care.

She gets herself to and from school - on her own at home for half an hour after my daughter has left for work, and maybe a couple of hours after getting home from school.

So now, my daughter needs to find another way of being able to know her daughter's location, that doesn't involve anything on a phone. The father suggested AirTags or Tile, but we're not sure these are enough.

Does anyone have suggestions as to what the best solution is to this? She can't discuss further with the father as he has blocked her on WhatsApp, and demands that she now only communicates with him via email.

I've suggested getting a second cheap phone for my granddaughter, and putting Life360 or a similar app on that, but she's a bit scatty at the best of times, so I'm not sure she'd remember to take two phones out with her, plus that seems a ridiculous answer.

I don't know why she needed to add her dad's location on life 360 in the first place? She should have kept it to just her and her mum. An air tag will do the same job.

Ha we all have iPhones so naturally have the ‘find my’ feature on because we’re all useless and regularly misplace our phones. We’re all connected as a family so can see one another’s too, it’s just a normal thing for us. I finished work late once and my DH was coming to collect me, my colleague agreed to wait with me until he arrived. I checked DH’s location on find my and my colleague was genuinely shocked I tracked him like that. I don’t even think about it, it’s just a totally usual thing for us and we’re never anywhere exciting anyway.

Why does she need to be tracked?

If she's a trustworthy child just get her to message her mum with where she's going, who she's with and what time she will be home. If she changes plans she lets her mum know. No need for tracking.

If she gets lost somewhere just get her to drop a pin or what three words.

I use an air tag with my teenager. Works really well and gives me peace of mind.

She gets herself to and from school - on her own at home for half an hour after my daughter has left for work, and maybe a couple of hours after getting home from school. So now, my daughter needs to find another way of being able to know her daughter's location, that doesn't involve anything on a phone.

I'm going to hazard a guess that your granddaughter will be at school, home or somewhere on the route between them. How will tracking her location keep her safe? Will it stop someone attacking her? Will it stop her being hit by a car?

What peace of mind do you get from it? I can’t understand why people feel their child is any safer because they can see where they are. Of course it takes the level of control up a notch so they can never hang out in the park or go to peoples houses that they shouldn’t be at etc. but I think a lot of the hanging out doing things we maybe wouldn’t be allowed to do during our teen years is important developmentally. We used to drink in the field at a friends farm at 15/16 and while I would not want my own teen doing that I do feel like these experiences shape us somewhat and controlling your child to the point they cannot go anywhere without being ‘seen’ is really weird and I think detrimental to their learning.

My daughter has SEN and travels an hour to school and an hour back via taxi everyday. Whilst she can text me to say she might be late or shes stuck in traffic, she can't tell me where. So it means I can see where she is, which side of the traffic she is, and either inform school that taxi is stuck at x place and she might be late, or know whereabouts she is and roughly what time she will be home if shes late.

To the PP who asked, Im guessing air tag or tile is preferable to OPs ex as the phone goes wherever DD goes, whilst an air tag or tile only goes where you take it. So it would be left at her dads house. My DDs air tag is in her school bag as she doesnt go anywhere without me. Airtag sounds like a good compromise.

Thank you all. Some interesting perspectives, which I will pass on to, and chat to my daughter about.

So relieved to see sensible replies. My colleagues track their 20+ year old adult children! As above, tracking doesn’t make it safer

Also does it really matter if she's not exactly where you think she is at all times?

For example she's gone to Becky's house, they then walk to Steph's house to collect her and walk her back to Becky's, but they hang about at Steph's for an hour and on the way back they buy crisps from the supermarket.

She's perfectly competent, but thanks for your concern.

Unlike a lot of her school mates she is allowed out, but then I guess that's understandable for cultural reasons?

We don't use it exclusively for DD, all our family use it for all sorts of reasons.

We will carry on using it and my DD will be just as competent as yours, so you keep doing you and I'll do the same 😀

Of course tracking is about tracking, that's what tracking apps do. They don't make anyone safer and instead of tracking just tell people when and where you want to be picked up.

same with us - My entire family track each other (including my parents) Kids actually love it as they don’t have to tell me when they have arrived places and I can see if they have stayed late for sports. They also cycle a lot so it means I will know if they are ok and made it safely. We also are forever losing our phones so it very common for someone in our house to yell out ‘can someone find my phone!’ (Or keys!!)

I think dad is a dickhead. I dont think the issue is the tracking if he's suggesting an air tag or tile. I reckon the issue is you using a phone that he purchased to do it.

I have Life360. I am trying to encourage some confidence and independence in my 14 year old with AuDHD. I do, however, need to know where he is. I’m not stalking him, it’s safety.

This is exactly it!

Thats your opinion. Knowing where family members are isn't tracking in my book. If one of them goes missing or gets lost, then I will use it to track them.

I dont know why people are so determined to see the negatives of Life 360. Of course it could be used in coercive control relationships, but those kind of dicks will hide actual trackers and spy ware and follow anyway. All tech can be abused. I bet you all have whatsapp and insta on your phones and they are 2 of the biggest invasions of privacy. Have you not seen the state people get into o line dating about ticks and he's seen my message and he's online, why is he not responding.

I barely look at Life 360 and have the notifications (which are optional) turned off. It comes i to its own often when my scatty 14y old loses his phone somehwere in school, usually in his coat pocket. He goes to the office, phones me, and I tell him which building it is in (Life 360 is way more accurate than airtags). It did also provide peace of mind for the first couple of weeks when my son went to uni in a big city he didn't know, still 17, so I did check for the first few days that he was making it to the campus in the morning, and back to halls at night. Now in third year and never looked at it since. DH does occasionally check his driving and bollock him if he's speeding (our car, he pays insurance) which is useful as we could get rid off the black box (which is also a tracker, exactly the same, and you will all no doubt be using them with your 17y olds to bring the insurance costs down).

Its also great when I get a call to pick up 3 kids, from 2 different places after school and the trains are messed up and I have limited time between meetings to nip out and get them - I can see exactky whose train will get in first and what order to do things in to save as much time as possible.

Of course this tech can be abused but its also very useful day to day to make busy family life easier.