Trackers for teenagers

[HurdyGurdy19]

Once my granddaughter (age 14) wanted to start meeting friends in town, and going out a bit more, my daughter got the Life360 app on her daughter's Android phone, which worked well.

Until her daughter's dad found out about it and went batshit, deleted the app, and is threatening to go to the police and "look into the legalities" of it.

Fair enough, my daughter foolishly didn't tell him she was putting the app on the phone - which is provided and paid for by him. And didn't tell him once it was on. She "assumed" her daughter would tell him. (The parents barely speak to each other.) I suspect he's pissed off as it means my daughter can know where HE is when their child is with him (she really couldn't care less about HIS whereabouts). She told him they can turn location off in the app when he is with their child, but this wasn't acceptable to him.

She asked him what he proposed to do to keep their daughter safe, and he has pushed it back to her, telling her that she needs to find a solution.

My granddaughter sees her dad from Sunday morning until school drop off on Tuesday every week, and she never goes out alone when she's in his care.

She gets herself to and from school - on her own at home for half an hour after my daughter has left for work, and maybe a couple of hours after getting home from school.

So now, my daughter needs to find another way of being able to know her daughter's location, that doesn't involve anything on a phone. The father suggested AirTags or Tile, but we're not sure these are enough.

Does anyone have suggestions as to what the best solution is to this? She can't discuss further with the father as he has blocked her on WhatsApp, and demands that she now only communicates with him via email.

I've suggested getting a second cheap phone for my granddaughter, and putting Life360 or a similar app on that, but she's a bit scatty at the best of times, so I'm not sure she'd remember to take two phones out with her, plus that seems a ridiculous answer.

Why would she not be safe if she's not being tracked? I've never tracked any of mine - eldest is 32 youngest is 11. Or grandchildren. It's weird and controlling.

Maybe just don’t track her?

I didn’t track either of mine when they were teenagers.

Does she need tracking? How does Life360 make her safer?

If she needs picking up or something can’t she just text her mum her location?

I'm with him, it's an invasion of privacy.

She has a phone, Mum can call her if need be.

if you really want to track her, why wouldn’t an AirTag or Tile work? I have a tile on my keys, wallet and everything which I might not be able to find. It works perfectly.

have you considered that solution?

Why do any of you want to track her, how does she feel about this, is she in agreement.

Look we all need to stop this tracking nonsense. By normalising this it’s actually leading to an increase in coercive control in abusive relationships.

Out parents didn’t track us. And everybody has a right to privacy. She can tell you where she is!

Another one who agrees with the dad. Tracking kids and teens feels very wrong to me and sends them a message ‘the world is so dangerous and scary you can’t cope without me being available to rescue you at any moment’. Ultimately not good for mental health and self esteem. Either they are mature enough to go out without parents, or they aren’t ready and need more support to be prepared how to problem solve and get help if needed.

Just because technology exists, it doesn’t mean it’s good for us or especially kids.

Jesus wept
I am with the daughter's dad totally.

Your daughter doer s not need to know the exact location of her kid all day and every day.
Let her grow up develop and learn to be independent
At that age I was going on trains on my own at 13 to the other side of London - one of my kids is mid teens - no way would I track him , he needs to get out in the real world and exp[lore without mummy watching over them all the time

100%

All my kids with smartphones have Life 360 on them - Year 7 to university aged (their choice to keep it on once 18), as do DH and I. Its not about tracking, it's about safety and logistics - knowing who needs to be picked up where, whose train gets in first etc. This is pretty standard in my circles. He's just being a dick, but I suspect you already know that.

This. We all have "find my phone" but the time I actually did check where my daughter is was 3x in 8 years and that was to see how long it would be until she was home from a Scout trip each time.

We gave her the option to remove it when she was 18 and went to uni but she isn't bothered because she knows we don't check on her.

It was useful when my husband forgot his phone in a restaurant and lost it in a park.

I am on a university parent FB group and the amount of mums who check each night when the offspring is back in heir hall/house is huge and they are all anxious as hell.

DH and I went on holiday abroad recently with our DS and his best friend, both 15. They wanted a little freedom during the days, which we were ok with as they are sensible, but given we were abroad and don’t know the area that well we got life360 which the 4 of us agreed to and downloaded (all with the full permission of the friends parents). First time I’ve ever used life360, or a tracker for that matter, I’ve never felt the need to track my DC before - and honestly, I hated it. It was so stalker-ish. I got driver reports with exact speed travelled and “risky events” every time anyone got in a car (we were all together I. Taxi’s or in the hire car, not the teens out by themselves). We all deleted it as soon as we got home . Just too much info, like being big brother all the time.

i can understand why the father is against it.

Yes, I think the point about parents’ anxiety is huge. Of course it’s anxious when our precious kids go out into the world independently. But it’s on us to manage our own anxiety. Op I think your question should be more about how to support your daughter with the anxieties of this stage of development.

We have it on our phones and DD doesn't mind, in fact she has another circle with her friends, so they all track each other, but turn it off if they want privacy.

It's true that tracking wasn't around when I was a kid, hell there was no mobile phones let alone smart ones, then. But then it is not the same now.

It was really useful last year, when DD when out at night with her friends to a place she (and they), didn't know. There were no landmarks as a new place. We tried to arrange to meet them at the shops, but they got lost, Life360 meant we were able to locate them easily.

Her friends and her also use Snapchat location (which I have no idea about).

It is useful to be able to time dinner for when DH goes out. DD also loves it if DH and I go out and she wants to know where we are.

It never existed when DS was young, but he - of his own volition - decided he wanted to be involved too, so created a circle for him, my mum and me.

DD is quite capable of turning it off, but she finds it useful, for instance she went on a trip last week, we knew when to leave to collect her by seeing where her coach was. She was happy as she knew she wouldn't be outside in the rain with her cases outside her school.

An extreme solution would be for mum to install and uninstall each time dd goes out.

On iMessage you can send someone a pin to your location. I bet Android has something similar.

I never used to track mine at that age. They didn’t go too far, drive around or go out late at night so it didn’t occur to me. As they’ve got older we all track each other on our iPhones just with the app that come with it. Now they both drive and go out at night it’s a bit of security for them knowing someone could find them if something goes wrong. I Also run alone in very out of the way places at times and feel happy that I could be found if needed. It’s very much mutual these days and so no one minds. It’s also pretty handy for finding each other if you get separated when out somewhere!

Wow what happenend to teenagers before a time 'tracking' was around? Everyone was fine. (For me not that long ago!)

Tracking a teenager? Just don’t. Statistically life is no more dangerous than it’s ever been. 🙄

We all have Life 360 on our phones as do all my friends and family and their teens. Pretty normal here.

@HurdyGurdy19why are AirTags or Tile acceptable to the dad, but find my phone or whatever isn’t? That doesn’t make sense, it’s still tracking. He sounds like a complete pain.

All these posters saying an invasion of privacy, I don’t understand. I find it extremely helpful especially when I get texts from school telling me my child isn’t in class ( can instantly check and can see they are in the school building). This happens frequently. If your granddaughter agrees to share location then I don’t see what the issue is here. Other than turning on and off when with father, I don’t think there’s any other option.

They are also quite inaccurate which can cause anxiety. We had one for a very short time. Once it showed DS was in the river Thames so I was convinced he had drowned. The other time in the middle of a very busy road for 30 minutes. So obviously I thought he’d been run over.

Not good for anyone’s mental health. Hate the ‘oh it’s good to know when to put the dinner on’ arguments. A text message when they’re on their way home will suffice or no one dies if dinner isn’t served the minute they walk through the door…you just love tracking - admit it and own it

My main argument against it is that it increases coercive control in relationships. This should not be normalised and I hope we move away from this.

Surely google maps would have helped them know where they were and pointed them to the shops?

and tracking when a coach your DD was on left, she could have text you that.

In both of these situations you are leading your child into incompetence. Let them learn how to navigate themselves.