Would you ever rent from or speak to this family friend again?

[theotherfossilsister]

We have a family friend who lets out a house in the village where my parents lived, now just my mother. Friend has a reputation for being mean and it’s a bit of a joke.

In 2021 it was my father’s last Christmas alive. I was pregnant and rented the cottsge, alone, so I would have my own space. It was only when I arrived late at night that I saw the sign the water wasn’t drinkable because of led pipes. I was pregnant and thirsty and had to walk half a mile along dark roads to the water source to fill a bottle, clutching phone and keys.

As it was the only place to rent in the village as it was winter. I paid 250 euros for three nights, which is more expensive than market rates. I used the heater in the evening as it was bitterly cold.

In May that year my dad died. We emailed about staying again the day of his death - this was the response

Dear

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. had a hard time of late,
and from what I saw he endured it stoically. May he rest in peace. Do
support your mother. It hasn't been easy for her.

I will write to her.

Yes, you can stay in the house. But please heed all the instructions,
especially in regard to water, gas and electricity (the bill was quite
high). Did we say 300 a week? How many people? I suppose the burial will
take place in

Embracing you

I replied politely.

In the end we stayed in far more luxurious accommodation for free (we offered to pay but the owner wouldn’t hear of it)

My mother remains friends with this person but I never want to speak to them again. Is that fair?

She definitely should have told you about the water, is that common where you are?! I don’t see what’s wrong with her email though, it’s hard to know what to say when someone dies.

If you don’t really see her and this all happened 4yrs ago, do you really need to bother with her? How much interaction do have with her? Just say hi if you bump into her and leave it at that.

I just thought it was petty and nitpicky and unnecessary.

£250 for three nights in a cottage doesn’t seem overpriced on the face of it (though no cottage should be hired out at all if it doesn’t have drinkable water!)

I am glad you found somewhere more comfortable to stay for the funeral.

But this is more than 3 years on from that and you don’t live in the same village - by all means, don’t rent from or speak to them again, but I doubt they will notice if you live somewhere else!

Maybe it’s not a huge deal then. I was just remembering and it made me very cross. I think it was expected that my parents would tell me about water, maybe fill some bottles, but they had other stuff going on. I don’t think the water thing was deliberate.

Move on . Doesn't seem to be intended to be rude to you . Water problem is as you know very common in some places .

And remember that your mother is still living in the village and doesn't need you to be making enemies for her .

If you didn’t have a car, how did you get there late at night and why did you choose to stay in a cottage so far from amenities in the first place, rather than somewhere near a shop or petrol station?!

Fair enough you don't rent from them again but I think to not speak to a family friend is extreme and only going to provoke everyone. People in villages talk to each other. You don't have to like or respect them but making a point of not speaking seems petty. Just be polite and distant and don't seek to be around them

I think after four years you are only hurting yourself by giving this any thought at all.

And keeping the email is adding to that bitterness every time you re-read it or see it in your inbox. Delete it, forget it, don’t rent from them again but don’t make life hard for your mum as she’s still local.

I genuinely can't see what this person did wrong to cause you to never want to speak to them again

I can't believe it's legal, even in other European countries, to let a property without safe drinking water.

Nor me, I have read it twice now. Was it the bit about the energy bill?

Take it as a lesson learned. Sometimes people's idea of a favour is very different to yours. We once stayed at a cottage belonging to some friends of DPs parents. It was the most miserable few days of my life - no TV, no central heating, two single beds with old flannelette sheets and blankets as she 'didnt believe in duvets'. As it was winter and rural, I'd imagined a cosy cottage and evenings spent in front of a real fire. In reality we were huddled in front of an ancient electric fire playing cards for entertainment.

€250 for 3 nights is really cheap for a full cottage. They should have mentioned the water and shouldn't be renting it out with that water supply. However, I don't really think anything you've said is so bad that you'd cut someone off. It sounds quite childish.

Amazing how folk want to cut each other off for the most trivial of things. She was polite in her reply to you and you were snippy about getting another place for free.

Yeah, it was the electric thing just after my dad died that rankled - to mention that in the same email. There is not high demand for places in the village in winter. I haven’t stayed there since though the more luxury accommodation is not child friendly so may have to, although it hurt at the time.

That wasn’t my reply. I sent a polite reply thanking the person. I added the detail here.

Let it go.

It’s nice that people are saying this, i
realise I would like to let it go and say hi to them again and stuff. I just thought it was an unkind thing to include in a condolence email but maybe not

€250 for 3 nights is really cheap for a full cottage.

Without water? 😆😆

It probably wasn’t the most tactful email but it wasn't offensive and remember your emotions would have been really heightened at the time of reading.

They were. It wasn’t tactful. I used the heater quite sparingly in one room so I was annoyed and offended. But it would be nice to let it go.

They are mean, it's their reputation. They are probably not interested in doing mates rates or freebies, and price high accordingly. I think they saw it as a business email but you saw it as a family friend email. Laugh at their miserly nature and make sure not to stay there again. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

I think you are blurring them being a family friend and them as a business person renting out their property.

I think you overreacted tbh. The mention of costs, given you wanted accommodation, was not out of order. I think it's a mistake to do business with people you know personally if you have an expectation of being treated more favourably than a complete stranger. It's perfectly reasonable for people to want to make money out of property they own and it doesn't sound like the charge was exorbitant. (Place itself doesn't sound great, but that's a different matter.) Don't cut them out, be polite if you see them - life's too short to bear (imaginary) grudges.