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Original poster

My Precious First Born

10 replies

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 22/10/2025 22:38

My mum is a great GM. She adores my first born. He can do no wrong. She’s a very loyal person and was like this with me and my brother too so all to be expected. However, I’ve had another child and she so obviously favours my PFB in finding it hard not to get annoyed… equally I think she thinks we favour the youngest one (I don’t think we do but obviously a 1yo gets held to a different standard than a 4yo). Has anyone had to navigate anything like this before?

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 22/10/2025 23:25

My eldest is 30.
My Mil STILL favours him over all the other dgc,

We all (incl him, but not MiL, who denies it) laugh about it now, but we worked hard to keep it from the younger dc as much as we could. Took work though.

Nutmuncher · 22/10/2025 23:32

I have a niece who is my favourite person in the world. She has a brother and sister who I love dearly too but she came into my life at just the right time for us to have a great bond.

Original poster
Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 23/10/2025 10:57

Nutmuncher · 22/10/2025 23:32

I have a niece who is my favourite person in the world. She has a brother and sister who I love dearly too but she came into my life at just the right time for us to have a great bond.

I think this is also the case for my Mum - she was a bit 'lost' before I had my 1st DS; she'd retired but hates having lots of time on her hands and felt a bit useless I think. When DS came along he gave her a purpose.

I understand people have preferences for lots of reasons but she is not very introspective so I don't think she can see that she favours one over the other.

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Original poster
Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 23/10/2025 10:59

CarpetKnees · 22/10/2025 23:25

My eldest is 30.
My Mil STILL favours him over all the other dgc,

We all (incl him, but not MiL, who denies it) laugh about it now, but we worked hard to keep it from the younger dc as much as we could. Took work though.

This is my concern as they get older. The youngest obviously has no idea at the moment. I am hoping that as she spends more time with the youngest things might improve but sounds like that wasn't the case for your MIL!!

OP posts:
wrotestay · 23/10/2025 11:02

I have a four year gap. I was convinced my mil favoured my eldest, and perhaps she did. Now they’re 5 and 9, she kinda favours the youngest.

sesquipedalian · 23/10/2025 11:07

OP, time will tell whether your DM actually favours PFB over your other DC, but at the moment, it might just be that it’s easier for her to have a relationship with your older DC. Also, I know myself that I buy more things for older DGC because a) they will notice and b) younger one has all the stuff older one had at that age - and space is limited.

BeMintFatball · 23/10/2025 11:08

As I’m an only child my PFB made my parents grand parents and there was always that special bond. Pretty shit for DD2 who has learning disabilities to hear grand mother joke her older sister was her favourite grandchild. Apparently it was a joke, my mother was and still is mortified but still that shit sticks. For the love of everything never let anyone know who a favourite it!

My PFB had the good fortune to have picked a partner who is also his grandparents first and favourite grandchild so they are basically a golden couple in his granddad’s eyes.

Merrow · 23/10/2025 11:11

My mum is brilliant with all her grandchildren, but she definitely made an extra effort with the oldest ones of each family when the younger siblings were little because she felt they needed that attention. All evened out again as they got older.

Lillamy21 · 23/10/2025 11:31

My MIL was the same with our first son but as they have got older (now 6 and 4) things have evened out a bit. I think it will always be there a bit as they lived near us when my eldest was a toddler during COVID and we bubbled together and they looked after him a lot and then moved an hour away when our youngest was born. She's also had some health issues and is possibly in early dementia and I doubt will live into their older years (she's in her 80s) so I don't think it will be much of an issue going forwards. I used to worry when my youngest was younger but you never know what might happen down the line and it will probably even out a bit.

reabies · 23/10/2025 12:00

I have kids similar ages to you OP, and I find the grandparents are all pleasantly interested in DS2, but they are so much more interactive and invested with DS1, because he can talk and play and give so much more back (and they've known him longer I guess). I'm not seeing it as favouritism at the moment, because DS2 still gets cuddles and songs and stuff, it's just that DS1 is so much more of a force in our house and plans, it seems natural he gets more attention at the moment. E.g, if we go out to a farm yes DS2 can look at the animals but it's DS1 who's having a chat, going on the playground, asking for a toy in the shop etc.

Do you have any examples of the behaviour so you can see if it's actual favouritism or just different levels of interaction?

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