13yo autism diagnosis - what now?

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I want to read and learn how best to support dd, but everything I’ve googled is very about autism as an identity. I just want practical suggestions on managing high anxiety and sensory overload, so she is able to do the things she wants to be able to do but can’t at the moment.

Nothing really, you have a diagnosis, nothing changes. Surely you’ve been managing her anxiety and sensory overload for years? When my son was diagnosed ‘officially’ - he was 6 and non verbal, unable to access the world. We were offered no ongoing support. You carry on, teaching her ways to cope and interact with the world. A diagnosis might help from a charity point of view, to get respite?

ASD is not something you can treat with medication. Everything you were doing before, keep on doing. There is no magic pill, just coping strategies.

Aspigirls is a good read.
Try and encourage something she likes (community swimming? Hot choc at Costa? once a week).
Sleep discipline - low light, blackout curtains, lavender, bubble bath
Routines - clothes laid out, bag packed, HW ahead of time
Low demands and allow take-up time, re-regulation and bed rest when needed. Choose your battles wisely/non-negotiable s/hills you will die on
You do not want her to bedrot or doomscroll but at the same time, you do not want her dysregulated/in fight/flight mode all the time either
Low lighting, low demand, comfy clothing, chunking for work, one instruction at a time
Make sure school share her Learning plan and make reasonable adjustments e.g safe space, time out card, uniform issues, leaving class 5 minutes early if corridors an issue etc
Good luck xxx

Aspergirls Rudy Simone

My 14 year old was diagnosed in the summer. Nothing happens next and there is no ongoing support. I found the book Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person by Cathy Wassell helpful.

I wasn’t expecting a magic wand, but book recommendations (thank you!), maybe any suggestions on suitable types of therapy for anxiety that suit ASD girls (I’ve now read that CBT needs adapting for people with ASD) and practical things like recommendations for noise cancelling headphones or other things that help with sensory overload.

School has been great, but I feel is a maybe more ready to accommodate rather than support her to take tiny steps towards managing things she finds difficult. But they do listen to me, which is very reassuring.

We have always had a quiet house with clear routines and expectations at home, and I think that’s one reason diagnosis was quite late.

Luckily one of her special interests (I still see it as entirely normal, but the assessment said not) gives her plenty of outside the house activities and socialising.

Like you, late diagnosis and we were told this was partly because our way of life had met her needs - low demand, quiet etc.
I would say making sure that you keep up the hobby and support opportunities for socialisation, as lack of friends was our main problem. Also, keep an eye on the phone - ASD teens are a magnet for eating disorders and self-harm - anything where there are nasty websites encouraging competitive, unhealthy behaviour. We also found spending a lot of time in nature was great, which helped mood and regulation for all of us.

As a parent, remembering that emotionally, an ASD child is likely to lag behind NT ones in terms of regulation and maturity of reaction to situations, even if they are academically able and understanding of others’ reactions to situations. I also found going to autism charity events was helpful and listening to young women with ASD talk about all the amazing things they’d done in their lives and how they navigate the world daily. It also gave us ideas about reasonable adjustments to request at school and seeing how ‘busy’ environments can be made a lot easier. For example, I didn’t know that specially trained dogs were a thing for people with ASD until I saw people with them at a road show.

Best of all, though, was when she met someone else who was, as she puts it, ‘her kind of autistic’ so there was someone else who really got it and understood shutdowns, masking, overwhelm and the many micro-rejections from NT peers.

Loop earplugs are effective and less obvious than other noise cancelling things. They allow you to hear the teacher but drown out excessive noise from peers. She will get asked if she has earbuds (for listening to music 👀) by others though, so needs to be able to say to ignorant kids and staff(!) they are earplugs not buds. Your SENDCO will not fund them but may have a recommendation for brand.

Check out the AutismCentral website. It’s been developed by NHS England with the NAS and other charities and it has good resources including webinars on low-demand parenting.

Thanks for all the recommendations!

I found Asperkids on Amazon, and dd read it said she wishes I’d given it to her years ago. It’s prompted some really good conversations about things she finds hard which I would never have realised, and ideas about how we and school might support her better.