I've always had a great relationship with my parents. Typically calling a couple of times a week, visits etc. However, I've realised that this has been when I've either been doing well, or when I've been dealing with tricky things in a way that they approve of/suits them.
I've now got a medical situation that I am dealing with. It's hard, and looks long term. The support they offer isn't support that helps me, it's just whatever makes them feel better about themselves. When I point out that it's actually hugely unhelpful and they are overstepping massively (think sharing confidential medical information, offering incorrect medical advice and getting their friends - who I am not close to - to act as their flying monkeys to try and gather information about me) they react by lashing out and saying hurtful things.
I cut contact right down for a bit. I still won't talk to them about anything medical, but I've realised that they will now only talk about things or acknowledge things that they agree with. Anything I do that I'm proud of (normal achievements, nothing weird) they just ignore. If someone else in the family does exactly the same it's applause all round.
I now know they are way more self centered and self serving than I ever thought, because when things go their way they are lovely. But turns out they have a nasty streak when they don't. How do I get passed this? I feel like my entire relationship with them is ruined and based on personality traits that don't exist. I'm so hurt.