Minimising the dread of Christmas

[tomorrowtoblerone]

I find Christmas a really sad time of year, filled with grief and melancholy. I really just dont like it. As soon as things hit the shops I start feeling the familiar sadness and dread of it all. Anyone overcome this or at least got tips to minimise or improve it?

I feel the same. The only really decisive thing I have done is give up on sending christmas cards. I hate the whole pointless business of sending them; I hate receiving them because of the anxiety about reciprocation - guessing correctly who to send to. It is stupid wasteful admin in the digital age.

That's not enough though. I do need more strategies. I wish the whole thing could just go away really.

Thanks ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird
that's a good idea thanks I would rather not do cards and can make a charity donation instead.

I feel exactly the same. I absolutely dread Christmas. One year I plan to be on holiday for it instead. I’m trying to be organised to chip away at it.

DH and I loathe it so just don't do it. We don't have kids and luckily our friends and wider family feel pretty much the same as us. We've agreed not to buy presents for each other, no cards so November and December are chilled out with none of the tearing around.

On Christmas day we go for a really long walk on the moor, have a picnic, flasks and then come home, soak in the bath, light the fire and stick a meal we've prepared earlier in the oven - lasagne or something like that. Bottle of wine, feet up, crap film. It's all the best parts of Christmas and none of the bad and we don't have to spend January losing the Christmas fat we used to put on.

My Dad died 10 days before Xmas a few years ago & i don't think it occurs to anyone that i struggle to see past that & enjoy that time of year anymore.

Just ignore it? I do, helps I rarely go shopping. Keep busy. Book a holiday over Christmas

That sounds like a good set up SeaAndStars

I have to put on something for dcs who love it. That creates pressure to try to at least act cheerful. I can't really go on holiday, because of cost. Also I dislike the worry I might disappoint with gifts and the pressure to overspend.

Sorry for your loss Itsnearlyxmas must make the period even worse. I've never enjoyed it since my mum died really.

Ignoring it would be good but it's everywhere. It's comfort to know others feel the same way about it.

Same here, I used to enjoy it with all the family, but now it just makes me think of the loved ones who aren't there.

Bit like the poster above, in recent years I go for a long walk then back for a nice meal.

If you still have dc at home who enjoy it then I'd try to really focus on them eve-boxing day. But confine it to just those three days might be a good compromise.

I struggle with Christmas every year, like you I have kids so I can't just ignore it.

It's just completely overwhelming. So much expectation. Also my family have never, ever understood that working all over Christmas (me and DP both have health/social care jobs) makes hosting on the couple of days we get off together really bloody miserable for me and DP while everyone else enjoys themselves. I'm totally with you!

I feel the same way, me and my husband treat it like any other Sunday, long walk and then a roast dinner with a few pigs and blankets, a glass of baileys and some posh chocolate.

I like to use the time in part to remember those people and the fun we had together

it sometimes seems the only time of year you can talk about people who have gone

For many years I worked Christmas Day. I now work part-time and no-one works on the Bank Holidays.
My mum is in her 90s, so I spend some time with her, but other than that it's a non event for me.
I did once go to Thailand to try and escape Christmas, and when we got to the hotel they had the biggest Christmas tree, and the whole place was decked out in Christmas stuff 😳

I think the answer with all things that are difficult is a) decide what you want to get out of it b) make the plan c) enact the plan efficiently d) actively work on minimising the amount of brain time you give it the rest of the time.

What do you want your Christmas period to be like, given you want to do something for your kids?

I have my own family now so have to make an effort for them. I try every year to recreate the magic that I felt when I was a child. I used to love seeing my cousins and grandparents all together and spending the few days in a sparkly dress. Now despite making an effort for my kids I just fail to get that special feeling. There’s always someone poorly (or it feels that way) and so much pressure. When my children scatter, if they don’t want to come to my house at Christmas, me and DH will go away

Thanks to everyone who has answered. And thoughts with each of you finding it difficult.

madroidI think your idea of really mentally trying to confine it to the three days is good. And verycloakanddaggers of minimising the brain time outside of that.

There's also buying presents though and the wrapping. Plus food buying and planning everything. Other than that trying to switch off would be good. Shops is a hard part of that and people asking what you're doing.

On the days itself I will have to try to make it nice for dcs. I really like the idea of a walk as pp have said. If it was just me I'd ideally ignore it completely.

Maybe I should try to buy gifts, plan food and do wrapping in no more than a couple of days (challenging.) Then the rest of the time do what I can to ignore it by doing more walks and reading, less shops and adverts.

For gifts, get a formula, own it, stick to it. We have a relative who sends a hamper from the same company every year - this is fine. So write your list of gift recipients and pick a thing for each - cash or book token for nieces/nephews, food hamper for adult relatives, concert tickets for your partner. Then you only have the kids. Stocking - 15 small gifts, do that in August. Done. Their presents - they write the list 1st December, you online shop the next day. Done.

Food - same every year - kids help to choose so they are included. Don't do turkey or tradition - have curry or pizza or anything your family likes.

Make it yours. Write a list. Tick tick tick.

Then plan your New Year's treat.

I had a lot of unhappy Christmases as a child so I kind of don’t get the ‘magic’ of it.
plus I often work (NHS) - or like pp if I’m not working the actual day I’ll be doing the usual number of shifts that week.

I detach as much as I’m able to whilst going through the motions for my own dc.
my mother is a bit obsessed with it all - completely overwhelming amount of food and presents get bought (and the same expected in return - it’s easier to go along with it otherwise I am deemed to be ‘ungenerous’ or ungrateful.)
I hate all the waste and mess.

I still do stockings for my young adult dc and enjoy that part, because I know what they like and enjoy treating them.

I basically treat most of it as a list of jobs, the same as I do any tedious household tasks.
So for example all the non perishable stuff I get on a shopping order early in December.
I do like the Christian aspect so go to church as usual.
Christmas dinner I just view as a roast with extra fuss.
Christmas crackers what a f’ing waste and mess but mum is obsessed with them am I the only one who thinks that?

I get you, crackers are a waste of money really aren't they.

That's brilliant verycloakanddaggers and the kind of organisation I need. Really like the idea of planning a treat to look forward to in the New Year.

I'm the same op. Absolutely loathe Christmas. Also find it very sad. The weather and the dark just makes it worse. Watching this thread with interest