Donating a loved one's body to science

[Rhond24]

Elderly DDad, at age 93, has decided that he wants to donate his body to science (ie to a medical school). I've made preliminary investigations for him but I'm not sure how I feel about it. DM is 91 and after a lifetime of obeying, wouldn't go against his wishes - but deep down I'm not sure that she loves the idea either.
I feel like it's depriving those left behind of their own choice in the matter and the chance to say goodbye in a "normal" socially accepted way.
Does anyone have experience of doing this? How did it work out for your family?

I don’t know if this is something that you are interested in but the uk’s most eminent anthropologist Sue Black has a chapter in her first book ‘all that remains’. You will absolutely be allowed to have a funeral and you will be offered his body back when appropriate: however there is a lot of hoops to jump through as he will need to be with x amount of miles of the nearest university that has a cadaver program. If they live too far away it won’t be possible etc. her book is on audible

It is up to him, and it is an amazing thing to do. However, he will have to get all the arrangements etc in order before he dies ie find a facility that accepts donations. When he passes, he might not even be accepted.
You will still be able to say goodbye at some point when his remains are returned to you. The uni/facilty that he would have been in he care of also have a memorial service for the people who donated themselves.

My mum has made arrangements to do this. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first, but have gotten my head around it. I plan to have a memorial for her, where I will do the eulogy and readings that we’d have at a funeral. So hopefully it will allow people to grieve if they want to. Then possibly have a quieter family funeral when they’ve finished with her. If they need her. I believe tgeyre not always accepted.

I’ve been to a service in a church for someone whose body was donated to science. It was a lovely service and the family spoke about how important he thought education and learning was, which connected to him donating his body to science.

As a pp said it does all have to be sorted out beforehand though.

Somebody at work recently told me that her mother donated her body to Science.

But they still got the body back for a full burial once they'd finished with it and taken what they wanted.

I didn't realise that was the case but it makes sense or they'll cremate the body and return the ashes to the family.

A dear friend offered her body recently but it was declined. Probably worth checking with the institution

It is an amazing thing to do, but, a warning - my friend’s father did this. My friend didn’t get on with his father (tough parent, bastard tbh used to hit him when he was a child, didn’t accept him being gay…my friend is around 60 now, so different times and no one even thought to step in at the time). Anyway, the father died and the body was handed over for medical research. The body is returned to the family for burial when they have finished what they have to do (or at least it was in this case) but the body wasn’t returned for over 2 years, during which time my friend wasn’t kept informed of when the body would be returned. This meant he couldn’t bury his father for over 2 years (the father specifically wanted a burial). This meant it took him a long time to have closure over his father’s death, and he wouldn’t recommend the process to anyone.

It’s not easy to arrange and usually, unless he dies in the right place(city with a med school) often within the working week and doesn’t need a post mortem, it won’t happen. If he’s really keen, let him do all the hard work of organising it. You can still have memorial/celebration of life service for him, and his remains will be returned when his body is no longer needed. Sending you hugs 💐

I had some study sessions in a cadaver lab, and some had been there for 10 years or so.

The students who had benefited from the donation attended the funeral in my only experience, we held a memorial shortly after the death then the funeral when the university released the body back, the university also paid for the coffin and cremation

This is what I meant but said way better. The criteria is very high and circumstances of the death matter and are critically important to the school so it may well be that he lives too far away from the nearest school? He should really be in touch with them by now though

You have to respect his wishes.

I know another person who had their body declined. They just had too many.

What makes you think you have a right to have a choice in what happens to his body?

If you'd told them you want to be cremated and god forbid you passed, how would you feel about them donating your body to science against your wishes?

As previous posters have said, if your relative wants this, it is something they have to do quite a lot of work to sort out before they die.
An elderly relative of mine did it.
It meant no traditional funeral, but we celebrated their life anyway with a get together.
Every year the institution he donated his body to holds a ceremony at the city cathedral for all of the families of people who have donated their bodies to science that year.
There were hundreds of people there, it was brilliant and moving, many students who had benefitted from the donations stood up and spoke so eloquently and openly about how the experience had made them better medics.
About 3 years later we were delivered in a box, a bag of bones to cremate.
It's a lot of work for someone to sort out before they die. So if they've done all that, they really do want that and ideally that should be respected. I had no idea it was even a thing until my relative did it and I'm really pleased they did.

Someone I know, their mother did this. She found it hard because 18 months after her mother's death she ended up arranging her funeral. By then friends and to an extent family have 'done' grieving. She said she didn't get the support then that she did in the immediate aftermath of her mother's death. She said she felt very alone and the funeral was different.

It might be worth organising as much of the funeral as you can immediately after your dad dies so that things like the eulogy, readings and music are all chosen. It should make it easier when the body is released back to your family.

I benefited from cadaver donation during my medical training and was (& remain) incredibly grateful to those who had donated their bodies to science. As a GP in a small town 30 miles from the closest medical school, I had several patients who wanted to donate theirs and I read through the arduous list of requirements. You even have to not die of certain infections/diseases. And despite all the planning, there is still the risk they won’t accept your body on the day due to logistics or over supply.

I think it is very stressful for the bereaved especially if they aren’t fully on board with it. Kudos though to those who do offer. But huge support and hugs to their loved ones.

My partners mother has arranged for her body to go to a body farm where they study how a body deteriorates in different conditions (helps with solving murders etc). I think it’s a great idea and good on her.

Personally I’ve told my family I don’t want a funeral (if it’s good enough for David Bowie…), they can just dispose of my body in the most environmentally sound way going. I’ll be dead so I won’t care.

I don't; I will help him do this, if that's what he wants.
But I am struggling to come to terms with his decision (as, I suspect, is his wife of over 60 years). And it has made me wonder who death rites are actually for, the dead person or those left behind.

I think his last wishes are for him to chose. But for him to arrange. If he doesn't arrange it and not possible it stops being his choice.

I think funerals are for those left behind unless again you state wishes before you die.

I think there's a fair bit of opinion that you should always respect our parents desisions even when not desirable or even dangerous on MN. Because they are grown adults. But equally say if your 90 year old mum wants to move from Cornwall to 6 story town house in Scotland, you don't have to facilitate or like it either.

His body his choice his to fully arrange and research. If he doesn't arrange it? That's left for the living.

My friend's mother spent years thinking she had donated here ( paperwork and acceptance received )
Come the time when my friend contacted them as her mum died . They declined as they had enough , timing of the academic year etc . My friend knew her mum would have been very upset at that .

My partners Dad did this he died in 2010, he did it to make it easier for his children. He had completed all of the paperwork years before. However his body was rejected, apparently a lot of them are and he was not made aware of this at the time. He thought it was a done deal and was never informed his body could be turned down. He was cremated in the end.

Probably not an issue in the UK (I might be naive but I think there’s more red tape generally so probably more controlled) but in USA bodies were being sold on for other purposes…

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/man-suing-body-donation-company-after-mothers-corpse-was-sold-to-military-for-blast-testing/

An elderly neighbour did this. He had no children but the nieces/nephews held a memorial service which was nice -‘he didn’t really want a proper service anyway. We all then went back to the Legion for food/drinks.

My Dad donated his body to medical science. It was accepted (you do have to be careful of this as sometimes they don’t accept the body) and we arranged a celebration of life a few months after he’d passed. We waited to allow people to come from abroad etc but you wouldn’t have to. We essentially had the funeral but without the body. The university does ask the family to sign off on the donation after the death so if the family disagreed with the person’s wishes then they would release the body back. We chose to have Dad cremated by the university but got his ashes back, roughly 2 years later. We then scattered these close to markers for my grandparents. If you hold a memorial then you do get that closure and tbh we almost sort of forgot about getting the remains back. There were 3 choices, we could have had whatever was left (guaranteed to be at least 51% if I remember rightly) for burial or cremation, they cremate and give you back the ashes or they cremate and spread the ashes at their memorial garden. The university also holds an annual memorial for all the families of those who’ve been donated which was nice. The funeral etc really is just for those who are left so a memorial can be just as good - do you feel your dad’s body needs to be present for you to say goodbye? (Not meaning in a nasty way it’s quite normal for that to be the case so it may be why you’re struggling with the idea that ‘he’ wouldn’t be there).