Have we become too obsessed with “perfect sleep”?

[PetsNPaws]

Lately I’ve noticed that everywhere I look — social media, podcasts, even parenting groups — people are talking about sleep as if it’s the ultimate measure of health and happiness. There are fancy sleep masks, silk bedding, sprays, supplements, blue-light glasses, and apps all promising “transformational rest.”
Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the importance of sleep (I have two kids under 8, so I dream of uninterrupted rest). But part of me wonders if we’ve gone a bit overboard. Humans have always had bad nights of sleep — it’s part of life — yet now it feels like we’re being told that every bit of tiredness means we’re “failing” at self-care.
I recently spoke to a friend who spent nearly £200 on various “sleep wellness” products, and she swears it’s changed her life. But I can’t tell if she’s genuinely sleeping better or just convinced herself it was worth the money.
Has anyone else noticed this trend?

I'm awake at 4am because I was too lazy to get a drink before bed. However I have had long periods of insomnia in the past as well as the broken sleep that comes from kids and its awful.

I’m on mumsnet because I woke up at 3am with heartburn and had to sit upright for a bit; I know I’m going to be knackered tomorrow (today). Not ideal.

i do think it is wise for many people to focus on sleep as many people, possibly most people, do not get anywhere near enough sleep and are not optimising what they do get, whether that’s through choice like use of screens/devices, or reasons beyond their control like children/partners interrupting sleep, difficult living situations, noisy neighbours, lack of space/affordability for a decent bed, difficult working hours etc.

We're hearing a lot more about the impact long term lack of sleep has on our physical and mental health. And not just in the moment when you're tired, but long term metabolic health and longevity.

I prioritise good sleep but I don't go out and buy stuff to make it happen - sleep can be improved for free!

Silk bedding is for your skin and hair btw.

Totally agree. Most people aren’t getting anywhere near enough proper rest, and half the time it’s not even their fault. Life’s just noisy and stressful. But I do think there’s a line between being sensible about sleep and being sold the idea that we need to buy loads of fancy stuff to “fix” it. Sometimes it’s just about getting back to basics.
Hope you managed to get a bit more sleep after the heartburn — that’s the worst.

Ugh, I know that feeling. It’s always something small like that which ends up keeping you awake for ages. And yes, broken sleep from kids is honestly brutal — you never quite catch up, do you? I think anyone who’s had a proper run of insomnia or night wakings would do anything for a full night’s sleep again.

I've had about an hour and a half of sleep tonight. Now my 3 year old is awake. Insomniac since I was a teenager and can't even remember the last time I had a really good sleep😅

I’ve had my usual 4 hours of sleep tonight. It’s a killer. Prior to menopause (& kids..) I slept 7 hours+ easily.

I find it all very anxiety inducing.

I'm into fitness and listen to a lot of podcasts and YouTube videos, and a key bit of advice is always how vitally important sleep is.

Well, as a woman in my 40s, my sleep is a pile of shit. It's never been great, but I'm genuinely thrilled these days if I wake up, after a night of broken, poor-quality sleep, at 5.30am! "Ooh i slept in!"
And I'm medicated to achieve that (mirtazapine!)

I don't think I feel tired during the day, never fall asleep on the sofa, and never have a day time nap, so I don't actually think I need more than I'm getting.

Sleep is interesting becuase the more you worry about it and track it generally the worse it gets. I also find how I feel the next day has very little bearing to the numbers on my tracker. I think the most important thing is to have a consistent bedtime and get lots of day light early in the day.

I think 'in the old days' people didn't need to worry about sleep, even the fairly well to do spent their days physically labouring to get stuff done/get to places. Just taking the horse for a ride to the next village is good exercise and plenty of fresh air.
Things like doing laundry was a physical task and so most people probably fell into bed late at night and passed out immediately due to exhaustion!
I often describe myself as exhausted and I am but not* *in the same way as I was when I grew up on a working farm. Physically I have done next to nothing as I work in an office, mentally I have nothing left to give.
My body pops out of bed at 5am like a chuffing spring lamb but my brain is crying out for more rest. Unless we can miraculously get the brain and the body on the same page we struggle to feel rested hence people spending ridiculous amounts of money trying to fix it.
It is just a symptom of modern life and our trajectory away from a natural way of doing things. I might start taking the laundry down to the stream instead of throwing it in the washing machine....

Well, as frequently happens, I haven’t slept at all.

No, it’s not good.

Days need to be 36 hours long to get everything done that needs to be done, yet they aren’t, so…

I do think some people make an immense fuss if they haven’t had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep and act like the world is ending. I don’t think some of them really know what real exhaustion is.

However, as a PP noted decent and regular sleep is important for long-term health. Those of us who are forced not to have that will suffer the impact. But there’s a huge space between recognising that fact and being a drama llama because you “only” got 6 hours (I wish!!) or woke up for an hour during the night, or didn’t get to sleep in total silence in a pitch black room.

You can get How to Sleep like a Cave Man from the library. Is really good and explains what is going on

Something I've learnt this year is that, when I wake in the night, I do not engage with my phone or check the time.

I keep my eyes closed and just lie still, and figure I'm still resting my brain that way, and don't know for sure if it's 11pm or 1am or 5am, and don't know if I've been awake for 10 minutes or 3 hours.

It takes away so much stress.

I think it’s the impact of things like Apple watches. One of my colleagues comes in and tells you about how many hours of REM sleep he got and draws graphs of sleep patterns over time. If the data is available some people get hooked up on it. And clearly can tip into obsession.

I also think the more you focus on it, the worse it gets. So not sure it’s healthy to make TOO much fuss about sleep. I say this as someone who woke up far too early and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Resting your brain is actually really good advice. I once read that if you feel you need a nap but don't fall asleep, spend the time just resting your brain as it can be just as restorative. I can rarely nap (my husband can fall asleep anywhere) so sometimes I just lie down and close my eyes for a bit not thinking of anything.

I battled insomnia for 2 years and it was awful. The more I worried about not sleeping, the worse it got. I tried things that would supposedly fix it - magnesium and other supplements - nothing worked. In the end I followed a sleep restriction therapy which was grim to begin with but it helped my brain get back on track. Sleep is important for good health but the 8 hours isn't for everyone. Not everyone needs that. My toddler doesn't and hasn't ever needed 12 hours sleep. He's always been a 10 hour child.

Sleep is so important to me, it’s everything.

I went for 6 years without any proper sleep due to a sick child and honesty it was horrible.

I have a lot of things that work for me, mostly free, but the number one is mentioned above, whatever you do, don’t ever look at the time if you wake up.

I work shift work and so do all my friends so none of us are likely getting enough or in the right pattern, but none if us really complain about it. I certainly wouldn’t be boasting if I got a straight 6 hours, I might get a slap!!!

I agree with you that the “commercialisation” of sleep is a bit much, and pillow sprays are unnecessary. I mean they’re nice but they shouldn’t be necessary for good sleep.

But sleep is incredibly important. Even as a teenager, I always prioritised sleep and needed 8-9 hours, and found it incredibly difficult to get up before 7am. I would get up at 7-7:30am so I wasn’t into long lie ins, but 8+ hours solid rest from 10:30pm until 7am is what I found was needed, especially for my mental health.

Having children has obviously blown that out of the water, and I find myself feeling extremely frustrated that they are impacting my physical and mental health in this way (they’re 2 and 4). Of course you make sacrifices for kids but I resent being woken up in the night now (I know I shouldn’t and I am patient with them). But my mental health is much worse, and I find it much more difficult to lose weight, my skin is awful, I look puffy with lack of sleep.

So I do think sleep is hugely important and should be prioritised. But yes I think trackers etc and other commercialised paraphernalia is unnecessary

Having said that, I do enjoy good quality bedding. Although I’m not buying extremely expensive bedding, I do also find it increasingly difficult to fall into a deep sleep in hotel rooms with synthetic bedding. I love my feather duvet and pillows.

I agree. I’m genuinely curious whether people who sleep badly spend time daily being physically active and in daylight. It’s not about judgment - let’s say someone works long hours at a desk in an office and has a long driving commute to get there: their day is long and mentally draining but indoors and physically inactive. If I have had a stretch like this I sleep badly. I reiterate- it’s not saying people are lazy but that modern life can tend to promote bad sleep. Also, all the shit food around. Too much sugar and eating too late affects sleep

I Think the emphasis on sleep is because of the research now available. We know now how important it is to general health and well being, performance at work etc People using technology in bed is causing disruption to our natural sleep pattern too.

I used to feel confused when my children were little about the obsession with nap schedules though. Mine were breastfed and I was a single parent and very much just going with the flow. They napped if they wanted, woke up when they needed a feed. Then there were mums tearing their hair out because their babies wouldn’t follow their nap routine/schedule and it all sounded so stressful trying to train a baby seemed very alien to me.

Melatonin is brilliant though for anyone who does struggle!

I work in a desk job, but work hybrid and have lots of natural light whether in the office or at home. I do a dog walk every day and get lots of fresh air, and go to the gym 5 times a week, and then walk like crazy at the weekends to run errands and so on. I'm just not a good sleeper and never have been.

I'll add - i stayed at my mums recently and, without much control over how I spent the day, we just sat in a dim room with the curtains partially drawn, on a grey day, for the WHOLE DAY watching tv. That's all she wanted to do.

It BROKE me and I went to bed wide awake and didn't sleep a wink. So activity definitely plays a huge role.

The next time I stayed with mum, I took my exercise gear and did a fast 10,000-step walk when I woke up, to help me get through the sedentary day that was ahead of me!

All the caffeine also might not be helping, we had a sleep consultant come and do a talk with us and I was saying I drank loads of tea and fell asleep no problem. he said yeah ‘you might fall asleep but are you waking back up again? ’

And he was right. I switched over to decaf tea after that.

I should probably prioritise sleep more but there are too many other things I'd rather be doing...

I get up at 6.30, work then go straight to the gym so home by 7pm. After a shower, dinner, tidying up, I want to have some evening but if I don't sit down until 8.30 there's no way I'm heading up to bed at 10pm. So it ends up being nearer 11pm then I read and don't switch off until 11.30.

This is generally fine (7 hours is a decent sleep) but DH often gets up at 4.30 so I can be awake from then, the kids might come in at 4am if they're out at the weekends and today I was up at 5.30 for the gym.

I do feel tired this morning but I'll probably end up shopping, tidying, going out so will no doubt be in bed late again tonight (then the bin men come at 6.30 on a Saturday morning) and the cycle continues!