How do you personally deal with it when someone makes sly digs or putdowns towards you

[Lipglosser]

I know Jefferson fisher says ask them to repeat it

so what was that ?

then when they repeat ….

then basically don’t reply
so let them look silly

well I think that’s what he’s saying to do 😂

anyway just wondering how you personally deal with this type of behaviour

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place as don’t want to give a reaction, (as that’s probably want they want, they want to know they’ve got under your skin )
but also don’t wanna let them get away with it either

A firm slap across the face

Or also how you deal with super nosey questions
you know the type like
oh well you gonna get married
go back to work
change your job
have another child
have you paid your morgage off yet
how much is your morgage
how much do you earn etc

I call them out there and then.

Yes but how do you do that ?

’Why on earth would you want to know that, Mary?’

My MIL does this and it still upsets me… she’s just a cow … looking for good examples on this thread

'Why do you ask that?' or 'Why do you want to know?' often puts off a nosey questioner, because, well, they want to know because they are nosey but they cannot admit it! Asking them why they want to know usually results in them squirming, desperate to know but not desperate enough to admit they're nosey!

Well, exactly. Put the question back on the questioner. Look genuinely interested.

I would just say 'don't know' if it's the marriage/baby type question, or something specific like earnings I would just say something vague if I didn't want them to know. Depends on who it was though - if it was a near stranger (I get into conversations with the public as part of my job) I would just be clear I'm not telling them.

I used to have a "friend" who did this. And yes it's why we're no longer friends. I had to block her on Facebook because she'd comment on everything I'd post in a group we were members of. Posting the same abelist bullshit over and over

"why do you want to know?"

There is a really good Ted talk on this as how we as women are conditioned to answer questions. If you go from about 6.50 in she says ask them a question back and even better if you ask why they feel they have the right to ask you that question. ie Brenda, we are not friends, why would I share that with you?

@chunkybear agree with her, whatever it is, like a good parent would do X, yes you are so right, now are you wanting a cup of tea? Or if you want to go nuclear then say every time I see you you make snide comments about me and if this continues then I will not be seeing you and that includes my children. I wouldn't teach my children to be friends with someone who makes nasty comments to other people so why would I put up with it from you?

Or you can say is it my turn now to make comments about your life/outfit/beliefs whatever she comments on. Your Dh should put a stop to this, mine did and we didn't see them for a while. Their behaviour changed overnight toward us as a couple and we were able to move forward and create a much better relationship.

Always answer with another question - e.g why do you want to know that?

When they say something nasty, ask them to repeat it, they rarely do and it avoids you saying anything else

I'm autistic and never know how to deal with this type of stuff, so I just drop them.

My ex does this a lot, framed as concern or offers of 'help'. His aim is to simultaneously undermine me whilst looking like a 'good guy'.

I tend to ignore completely or act baffled by it.

A relative does this all the time. I have reacted in various ways over the years.

Firstly, i give her minimal information about myself (trying to stop criticism / barbs) and have limited the time I spend with her.

secondly, in the moment, if she makes a dig that is upsetting, I now say ( out loud, but more to myself), ‘ oh dear, time to move on’ and leave the room. I still get annoyed, but I can at last leave the conversation, with some sort of agency. I then just make myself scarce in another room .

she won’t change, she won’t apologise; the best that I can do is stop her being exposed to any more of my reaction.

i am sorry that you also need to deal with this. Some people are just awful.

Yes, I would ask them to repeat it and leave it hanging (really good if there's an audience).

I would ask a further question and more further questions so they end up a tangled mess or go silent.

Say something kind in return so as to stop their digging. A conversation I once overheard between wedding guests has never left me:

Mature lady (Mrs Bucket type) to young mum: 'Oh, I heard you are living in X town now?'

Young mum: 'yes, we are'

Mrs Bucket: 'My home is in the countryside. I could never live there, it's very built- up, isn't it?'

Young mum: 'Yes, it is. But we love it.'

Mrs Bucket: no reply, changed the subject!

I will never forget the admiration I felt for that woman. She was so humble and clever.

Sometimes, though, you are just so shocked by something someone says that you just don't know what to say and think of a million good come-backs later!

I used to ignore it but the backhanded comments continued - I now ask eg: “so who do you expect to cook for you if you don’t want to do it yourself?” And my favourite reply when being asked nosy questions “you do know what curiosity did to the cat!”
however - people can be entitled and or lack common sense so just rinse and repeat!

My mother used to say "A policeman wouldn't ask me that" in response to nosy questions!

None of your business.

I have defeated my ghastly sister by immediately saying quite loudly, "Good lord, why on earth would you ask me that? How strange of you!".

I had never bitten back ever and she was stunned and didn't speak further. Just stomped off as per usual.

I'm NC with her but can't help but see her at family events, funerals etc when she follows me around in a really annoying manner asking intrusive questions.

I have learned an immediate affronted and quite loud but reasonable response works like a charm on the daft cow.

Tbh there's nothing to touch the old MN standby of "Did you mean to be so rude?"

There's no answer that makes the question that elicited this response look reasonable.

My sister is like this. Every conversation turns into an inquisition. She asks me loads of questions but won't answer any of mine.
I told her I'm fed up of her nosiness but she says she's concerned.

I either ignore her messages or retaliate
We've never been close so I don't care if she's not happy about it.

Sly digs, I usually laugh and ask if they’re having a bad day, if it continues then I ask what is happening in their lives to make them so upset seeing others happy. Usually shuts them right up!

My go to is who knows what the future holds and remain enigmatic.