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Original poster

17yr old DD wants to see DJ Kettama

42 replies

BastardtheCat · 15/10/2025 20:55

Kettama (who DD has never mentioned before) is in Bristol on Dec 4th.

DD is 17 (in upper 6th form) so some friends are already 18. She’s only just turned 17 (youngest in her year) and wants to go.

We are in West Wales so it would be a train up and back, more like that she’ll be catching a return home at between 4 and 5am after the rave. She’ll be with 5 other girls. She has a fake ID which looks a little like her (has used it to go to Swansea twice where I collected her at 1am) and the venue looks like it will be strict in terms of drug searches and sniffer dogs.

Would you allow your DD to go at this age? I’m the most boring parent in the world apparently for casting doubt on this.

OP posts:

TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 06:38

Also hate to break it to some of you but all sociable 16/17 year olds worth their salt have fake ids.

Donotgogentle · 16/10/2025 06:39

TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 06:35

God did none of you go clubbing at 17? I wasn’t the coolest teenager in the world but even I did that.

My concern would be the distance the getting back and the risk of not getting in. But a flat “no” is harsh. I would want a contingency plan if she doesn’t get in.

She’s 17 and very nearly an adult not 12.. If they are in an established friendship group and are broadly sensible it should be fine.

I agree.

Also upper sixth is going to be tricky for her socially if she’s a summer baby. I’d support her as much as you can to be able to socialise with her friends.

TheBlueHotel · 16/10/2025 06:42

TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 06:35

God did none of you go clubbing at 17? I wasn’t the coolest teenager in the world but even I did that.

My concern would be the distance the getting back and the risk of not getting in. But a flat “no” is harsh. I would want a contingency plan if she doesn’t get in.

She’s 17 and very nearly an adult not 12.. If they are in an established friendship group and are broadly sensible it should be fine.

What's the possible contingency plan? She travels back by herself late at night? Raves start late, she'll be on her own. Or OP goes and gets her, at great expense and inconvenience?
This is nothing to do with not letting her have freedom but it's common sense and safety. All her friends are old enough, they won't miss the gig to travel back with her!

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TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 06:44

Yes poor dd1 was July birthday in a sociable group.

Dd2 has had fake id since 16 and looks about 25 so gets in everywhere. I have my work cut out.

TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 06:45

In this case if you are kind I would try and get a premier inn room. Early Christmas present?

AppropriateAdult · 16/10/2025 06:59

She’s much more likely to get in with someone else’s real ID than an actual fake with her own photo, so she’ll probably be all right there (unless it’s the sort of event with named tickets, and the names won’t match?). She has my sympathies - I was one of the youngest in my year group and didn’t turn 18 until my second term at uni, it was really stressful not knowing if I would get in the door on nights out with my friends.

I think you have to let her go, OP - she’s an adult to all intents and purposes. But do have a plan so that she’s not left wandering the streets on her own if she can’t get into the gig.

user0177561 · 16/10/2025 07:04

If it was my child I would absolutely allow her to go out using the ID in this situation due to fact it’s the year her friends are starting to celebrate 18th birthdays and given she has an unfortunate birthday.
However I would be more concerned about the event itself and the excessive drug use at these places regardless of whether they have dogs etc.. that many people take drugs in the dogs are that overwhelmed they often don’t know what to do with themselves.
Kettema isn’t a house music and dancing sort of ‘rave’. It’s techno with a big culture of getting off your face sort or rave. 80% (minimum) of people will be on drugs here, and the drink prices are expensive as they don’t sell other than water. The kids might be in for a shock.
Maybe let her go if your willing to sort something out to pick her up after for your ease of mind and she also would not be tempted to take anything under influence of seeing everybody else do it - knowing she will have to get in a car with you after.

Original poster

BastardtheCat · 16/10/2025 07:46

Donotgogentle · 16/10/2025 06:20

But op, she’s Year 13 and nearly an adult! Why would you think it’s ok to say no to her or think she cannot make her own decision?

Lots of 17 year old go inter railing for example. Is she going to uni next year?

She definitely needs a plan for what happens if she’s denied entry though.

Edited

Aaahhh yes, and that’s what my second voice keeps saying. I’m truly in a dilemma with this one.

Back to wondering what to do!!!

OP posts:

Donotgogentle · 16/10/2025 07:54

I think given her age she needs to be responsible for coming up with a plan of what she’ll do if she doesn’t get in. I’d put it back to her to problem solve it and support her if she wants help.

Original poster

BastardtheCat · 16/10/2025 07:56

I should add, that while the girls she’s going with are nice, they aren’t her usual group of close friends neither.

I’m very worried about the drugs aspect. DD20 went to something similar recently and she was shocked with the difference in dynamic of this type of event and a typical night in a city of student union.
Despite the sniffer dogs and searches, the open drug taking really disturbed her.

I don’t want to keep a tight leash on her - she’s angry and throwing out comments that I want to babifye her - not at all - and yes, she will be heading to Uni next year if she gets the grades - but there are too many unknown variables here and she will be so far from home.

OP posts:

mumonthehill · 16/10/2025 08:00

I think the issue is what she will do if she cannot get in with her fake ID so I would definitely book a cheap hotel for them. She then has somewhere safe to go on her own. We are in rural west wales as well and ds used to do this.

Donotgogentle · 16/10/2025 08:01

Unfortunately there are drugs/spiking in lots of places, it’s a risk young people need to learn to deal with and they really need to look out for their friends.

But could you consider it part of helping her become more independent for university.

I liked the quote I saw on another thread recently: a ship is safe in harbour but it’s not what she’s built for.

Teacaketravesty · 16/10/2025 08:03

She’s not a child. She’s old enough to see that she needs a plan b for if they don’t let her in. If she could get back home/to the nearest place with a station then I’d happily facilitate. The drugs etc aren’t relevant, she’ll encounter that soon whatever you do. I would talk to her about safe places to try them if she wants to and how risky it could be to take them so far from home and close friends.

BeachLife2 · 16/10/2025 09:26

I don’t see that “allowing her” really comes into it at 17.

DS1 went to uni at 17 (as is normal in Scotland) and I had no idea where he went out, never mind trying to stop him.

TheaBrandt1 · 16/10/2025 09:35

Also the “ooh there might be drugs” is silly if they want to take drugs they are everywhere apparently. You can’t stop a 17 year old being in that environment just try and influence her so drugs are not her thing. Neither of mines friendship group are into drugs lots of others at parties are though.

Nayyercheekyfeckers · 16/10/2025 09:37

Personally I would let her go. However. It would be on the proviso that they booked a safe hotel close by so that they could leave early if needed and not have to travel back in the night. I would make them agree to all stick together and if needs be track her phone location for your peace of mind. I would be very strict re absolutely no drugs (and talk about the risks and of being drugged inc by needle which is more common that pills in drinks). I would stipulate the number of alcoholic drinks, if any, and tell her to alternate between soft drinks. All these are good rules for the future.

Randomchat · 16/10/2025 09:44

What will she do if her fake id gets rejected and she doesn't get in?

If she can sensibly answer that question then I'd probably let her go.

I'm also confused that she asked you. Either she's a bit worried herself or is it because she needs a lift home?

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