“Bedroom kids raising living room kids”

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I was a bedroom kid, I just assumed that was the norm?

When I became a parent we ended up with a kallax full of toys in the front room, was fine for when they were babies/toddlers and didn’t want them being upstairs on their own for long periods. But they’re 3.5 and nearly 6 now, and for the last few years we’ve had the front room covered in toys constantly. I’d ask them to tidy up, but the second they had finished tidying they were getting something else out to play with and just making mess again.

I recently had enough. I would like at least the downstairs of my house to be a nice, peaceful and visitor ready space. I just want to look at toys on the floor all day every day. So I packed up all their toys and took them up to their rooms. They have books on the bookshelf downstairs, they get an hour of telly after school/nursery while I do dinner and then it’s time to wind down for bedtime.

I’m not saying they can’t bring a couple toys down and play with them, then take them back up when they’re done.. I think.. but is there anything actually wrong with kids playing in their bedroom? The post makes me feel a bit shamed but it’s not like I can go off to my bedroom like a teenager and sit in my bedroom just for some mess free peace 🤣

I also don’t ship them off to their bedrooms and not let them down. They’re just encouraged to go and play upstairs if they want to get a load of toys and stuff out.

I was going to post in AIBU but they’re brutal over there.. I’m just looking for other people opinions rather than judgment 🤣

Do you keep lots of toys downstairs for your kids?

PS. This may differ for only children, I’m guessing they don’t want to just play alone upstairs, my two will often play in one of their rooms, or visit eachother every few minutes 🤣

We had a conservatory so all the toys lived in there - they did mostly bring them into the lounge/diner though to play with but then at the end of the day they were all tidied away back into the conservatory.
They had some toys in bedrooms but not loads. Consoles/tv's were also downstairs so we never had the issue of young teens stuck in bedrooms and not knowing what they were doing. Even now 17/18 year old DD and DS1 play video games in lounge and 14 year old DS2 can be found in the study on the PC facetiming his friends. Means we still get a sense of what they are doing and nice to have them around. Other times they do disappear to thier rooms - Boys to sleep, read or go on phones/laptops and DD to sew, listen to music, read, chat to friends etc.

There is room for both. So the toys live in their bedroom but can be brought down as long as they go straight back up afterwards. I think if a child/ren is neurotypical and has toys literally everywhere all the time then it shows the adults are not permitting themselves reasonable boundaries probably to their own detriment. It is also likely to be a fairly chaotic household which is never good for anyone. The kids are taking over and ruling the household. It’d be the same if the adult’s hobbies and interests were overtaking the front room permanently.

We had everything downstairs until they were at an age where they were regularly having friends back after school to play. So around age 7/8?

You don’t need permission form other parents to want your living room to be tidy.

Do what works for you. There’s no point having “living room kids” if that creates a stressed out mum x

At 3 and a half and not yet 6 I think you arevexpecting a bit much. The younger is too young to be left on a different floor of the house for any length of time. If something went wrong I think it would just take a few more seconds to get up to them than I would be comfortable. I mean at nursery, would you be happy if they were left unattended in a room on a different floor to the staff?. I personally would wait another year or so.

Surely your kids are more important than visitors OP! Who cares what they think? I hate the idea of kids relegated to their bedrooms to play, they're 3 and 5 not 13 and 15. Why are you so obsessed with 'mess free' space? It's only their toys and it's one room. Go in the kitchen if you can't cope!

I had most of my toys in my bedroom, and I still remember how lonely it could feel. I love visiting friends where their children and their toys are visible and the children feel that their parents want to spend time with them .

I grew up in a big house with lots of living spaces and toys were kept both in our bedrooms and the family room but we played everywhere (mostly outside - I grew up in the country). When our DC were small toys were kept in their bedroom but I took toys downstairs every day for them to play with. When they were at primary school we moved to this house which has two equal sized sitting rooms so one is an adult space and the other is the kid's space and bedrooms ate for sleeping in. They had dens set up there for weeks at a time when little, now it's more of a gaming room/hang out space.

Considering how much time my kids spend in their house vs how much time visitors are here, then kids take priority. It’s their home and I’d hate them to think they were relegated to their bedrooms to play.

Oh, and because we gave the luxury of two sitting rooms the kids always have their friends downstairs, I'm quite strict on bedrooms being private places. In the summer they'll always be outside (we have a comfy corner sofa at the end of the garden so the teens feel like it's a private space and I like that because the wifi is a bit shit out there they chat lots), in the winter they do crafts at the dining table or are hanging out in the playroom while I relax in the sitting room.

We lived in a 2 bedrooms flat until recently, when the kids were 8 and 15. They shared a bedroom until we moved and most of their things were in the living room. The older one had a computer and table set up in the corridor where he put his school stuff, and we had a Kallax unit on its side with storage boxes so everything had its own place, because in a small flat you need to be organised. Now they have their own rooms they’re still getting used to having their own space but I’ve found that they still look for their toys or books in the living area.

I think at those ages they naturally want to play near where the adults are. And don’t you want them where you can hear them and easily check on them, especially the younger one?

Our living room was as you describe because if I was home and not playing with them I was usually in the kitchen cooking, doing laundry, etc. I would say about age 8 they started to play in their rooms if that’s where the toys were, and my now 12 year old sees his room as his retreat and always plays there.

in your shoes I would make the older one help you move all the toys back to his/her room at the end of the day - you could call it putting the toys to bed - to try to start to instil good habits, but I don’t think it’s realistic to expect that is where they will play for a couple more years yet.

If you’re concerned about safety, buy cameras for their rooms to keep an eye on them while you’re busy downstairs.

I can’t get mine to play upstairs on their own at all! Want to be near me and the eldest is nearly 8. Partner WFH upstairs so when they were younger (sahm so only a bit of preschool) we spent most of our time downstairs out of his way but now i want them to use their bedrooms as a relaxing / play space they just won’t, they only go in there after bathtime to get ready for bed / sleep

I mostly moved it all upstairs when they were spending more time at school/nursery than at home. Took it as an opportunity to reclaim the adult space basically! So when the youngest was about 4. Downstairs we have arts and crafts, communal lego (not the special sets they may have got for a birthday and don’t want to share) and a Switch. The rest lives in bedrooms but can and does come down a fair bit but then is always tidyed up to their rooms at the end of the day. It works for us and I think we have a nice mix of playing together and independently.

Child and I live in a one bed flat so the only place for toys is the living room!

When DD was under 3 we had a house with a tiny downstairs living room we couldn't make child proof.

So apart from a cold conservatory for Summer all play was done upstairs, we gave her the main bedroom to ensure she had the space to really play properly. We often sat with her, playing or just being near her.

We did games, craft and colouring at the kitchen table though.

When we moved and had more space, DD was so used to play in her room, the only thing which ended up downstairs was Lego but she wasn't a big fan.

My son is not a bedroom kid or a living kid .. he’s whatever room I’m in kinda kid 😂 just follows me everywhere with a few different toys dragged around (he’s 5!). I was 100% a bedroom kid though, I don’t really mind my son having all of his toys out in the living room tbh, as long as it’s tided up at the end of the day.

We’ve always kept our living room free of toys, I always valued having one space that was adult and tidy. As you say they could bring toys there, but they weren’t stored there. Doesn’t seem to have done too much harm, one of our teens still insists on spending all evening with us in the living room!

My eldest is 7 and has some toys stored upstairs but rarely wants to play there, she likes to be where everyone else is.

Living in a flat. One whole wall has her cafts, toys and the rug on to play at. Table is for reading, eating, ipad, board games. Not sure where is the issue

DS (nearly five) has only just started going to his room to play and mostly to get away from DD.

We have a big open plan lounge, dining area and orangery and the orangery has toys in it: a train set, toy kitchen, dolls house, ice cream shop and so on. I probably wouldn’t want them in the actual lounge. Toys are the bane of my existence but they do like playing with them which is nice to see.

DS has a December birthday so am getting ready to drown all over again this year!

I have an only child and would never send him upstairs. He’s 12 now and spends a bit more than half his time up there now but there’s still an Xbox and Lego downstairs so he’ll hang out down here sometimes.
One of the interesting things about an only child is there isn’t “the children” and “the adults” there are three people with various relationships.