Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I suspect I over reacted, but...

52 replies

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 13:14

I'm an introvert. I enjoy social things but I have to work at them and sometimes it all gets a bit much and I need a break.

DP is the exact opposite and it sometimes feels like he needs to fill every minute with people.

Generally this works well for us, as he knows people and I benefit from his circle/occasionally find a good friend among them I'm also happy for him to go alone, leabing me time to myself.

Recently every weekend has been very busy and we'd agreed that next weekend we'll step back and have a quiet one together.

Then an opportunity came up for him/us to do something with friends that means being in London for 9am on Saturday. It's something he loves and that I enjoy, but we'd agreed to have a break from all the people. He agreed to go without a second thought and without remembering our plans. Tbf our plans were to do "nothing" so they're not in the diary! I can go or not go, it would be fine either way.

I was upset that he'd forgotten our agreement to just "be" together for a couple of days. Once he realised, he's cancelled nd apologised so we can go back to the original plan. I feel upset that he's now only spending the day with me because I yelled at him, not because he wants to.

And on top of that I've shot myself in the foot a bit because a day entirely to myself is probably what I really need!

Would you be upset that he didn't prioritise/wasn't looking forward to doing nothing with you? That's what bothered me, if he was looking forward to it like I was, he wouldn't have forgotten....

OP posts:
ldnmusic87 · 13/10/2025 14:18

You are over reacting.

CurlewKate · 13/10/2025 14:23

The yelling was a bit weird……

Fifthtimelucky · 13/10/2025 14:29

I agree that you are over-reacting.

To avoid this happening again, ensure that you put this sort of quiet weekend in the diary.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/10/2025 14:30

Tiredandneedtogotobed · 13/10/2025 14:15

I know exactly how you feel esp if a day of doing nothing was going to be a quiet day of connecting together. That’s so important. To give him the benefit of the doubt maybe he is just a bit impulsive did he acknowledge when you could have your connecting time another time?

if any of the people commenting to get over it had made a date with a friend who then dropped them for a “better offer” I’m sure they would be feeling a little disappointed - why should it be different for a partner? (Even if you live with someone there is work, household chores, running around after children - it’s not all quality time spent together)

Edited

He didn't "drop her for a better offer" though. He forgot the plan to do nothing but cancelled the event in London when he remembered.

BadgernTheGarden · 13/10/2025 14:33

Why did you have to yell? Couldn't you have explained without yelling, he would probably still have apologised for forgetting and cancelled without you now feeling bad about it.

Original poster
Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 14:43

Obviously I didn't have to "yell" but in the moment I was upset and disappointed. I can't be the only person ever to have a lapse of good manners in that situation.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 14:50

I was upset that he'd forgotten our agreement to just "be" together for a couple of days. Once he realised, he's cancelled nd apologised so we can go back to the original plan. I feel upset that he's now only spending the day with me because I yelled at him, not because he wants to.

Oh come on! It's hardly a crime to forget something's in your diary. He accidentally forgot what he was meant to be doing that weekend, and when he was reminded of it, he cancelled the other plans he'd made. This is a complete non-issue and now you're STILL annoyed because you've decided he isn't staying home for a reason you approve of?

You really, really need to chill out. Also, don't 'yell' at someone for something as minor as accidentally double-booking himself. He's a human being; we all forget things occasionally and he put the mistake right. You're the one dragging it out and being petulant about it.

I speak here as a massive introvert myself, by the way.

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 14:52

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 14:43

Obviously I didn't have to "yell" but in the moment I was upset and disappointed. I can't be the only person ever to have a lapse of good manners in that situation.

I can't be the only person ever to have a lapse of good manners

Well, he can't be the only person to forget what he was meant to be doing one weekend, either, but apparently you still don't feel able to forgive him for it.

If you want people to make allowances for your lapses, you need to make allowances for them too.

DirtyMartinii · 13/10/2025 14:53

Well you threw your dummy out of the pram and now he’s spending the day with you doing fuck all with you because you screamed at home doesn’t exactly shout ‘I love you’ does it ?

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 14:57

if any of the people commenting to get over it had made a date with a friend who then dropped them for a “better offer” I’m sure they would be feeling a little disappointed

He didn't do that, though.

He accidentally double-booked himself, then upon realising his mistake, he cancelled the other engagement and stuck with the original plan.

If I'd made a date with a friend for lunch one Saturday and then they casually mentioned they were going shopping with their mum that day, I'd say 'Wait, I thought that was the date you and I were due to have lunch?' If they then said 'Shit! I completely forgot - sorry, I'll cancel my plans with my mum' I would then think nothing more of it at all.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/10/2025 14:58

Next time, put the quiet weekend in the calendar, OP, so that it doesn't get forgotten. It's likely that it didn't stick in his memory that much because it wasn't as important to him as it obviously was to you, but it isn't as if he isn't willing to honour the arrangement.

You shouldn't have yelled, but you know that already, and what's done is done, so the best thing you can do at this point is apologise for losing it, acknowledge the fact that he has cancelled the plans on Saturday and focus on enjoying your quiet weekend.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/10/2025 14:59

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 14:57

if any of the people commenting to get over it had made a date with a friend who then dropped them for a “better offer” I’m sure they would be feeling a little disappointed

He didn't do that, though.

He accidentally double-booked himself, then upon realising his mistake, he cancelled the other engagement and stuck with the original plan.

If I'd made a date with a friend for lunch one Saturday and then they casually mentioned they were going shopping with their mum that day, I'd say 'Wait, I thought that was the date you and I were due to have lunch?' If they then said 'Shit! I completely forgot - sorry, I'll cancel my plans with my mum' I would then think nothing more of it at all.

Exactly!

Luckyingame · 13/10/2025 15:11

Overreacting or not, what baffles me a bit that you chose a partner who needs people to basically "charge up".
I'm the exact opposite and so is my husband of 20 years.
I genuinely suffer when people are around and for some reason it's not practical to just walk away.

pictoosh · 13/10/2025 15:21

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 14:43

Obviously I didn't have to "yell" but in the moment I was upset and disappointed. I can't be the only person ever to have a lapse of good manners in that situation.

Well of course you're not. It's not a biggie.

RawBaby · 13/10/2025 15:31

Luckyingame · 13/10/2025 15:11

Overreacting or not, what baffles me a bit that you chose a partner who needs people to basically "charge up".
I'm the exact opposite and so is my husband of 20 years.
I genuinely suffer when people are around and for some reason it's not practical to just walk away.

Whereas the OP appears to appreciate her partner's sociability, and to acknowledge that she benefits from his circle and has occasionally found good friends of her own among them, and that him going off to do stuff means that she has time to herself to recharge.

If you 'genuinely suffer when people are around' I don't think that makes you 'introverted', it makes you someone who can't tolerate other human beings' presence. That's nothing to do with introversion. Many introverts enjoy friendships and socialising, they can just tolerate far less of it without balancing it out with significant solo time than an extrovert could.

PurpleThistle7 · 13/10/2025 15:35

I think this could easily be solved by just putting 'hang out day' or whatever you want to call it in the calendar. I can see how he would forget if you have a system of having a shared calendar and then something came up that sounded fun. Then he cancelled and you still aren't happy! At this point I'd just reset the whole thing and start the conversation again without the resentment.

My husband and I have a longstanding slight irritation that I'm a planner and he likes to have swaths of free weekends to do whatever in and gets annoyed when I fill them up. So he deliberately sets aside a couple days a month as 'whatever' days and takes the kids hiking or we play board games or whatever. He really needs it but our situation means we need to schedule it on purpose.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 13/10/2025 15:41

PurpleThistle7 · 13/10/2025 15:35

I think this could easily be solved by just putting 'hang out day' or whatever you want to call it in the calendar. I can see how he would forget if you have a system of having a shared calendar and then something came up that sounded fun. Then he cancelled and you still aren't happy! At this point I'd just reset the whole thing and start the conversation again without the resentment.

My husband and I have a longstanding slight irritation that I'm a planner and he likes to have swaths of free weekends to do whatever in and gets annoyed when I fill them up. So he deliberately sets aside a couple days a month as 'whatever' days and takes the kids hiking or we play board games or whatever. He really needs it but our situation means we need to schedule it on purpose.

Exactly. This is how functional couples navigate their differences.

MediocreAgain · 13/10/2025 15:53

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 14:43

Obviously I didn't have to "yell" but in the moment I was upset and disappointed. I can't be the only person ever to have a lapse of good manners in that situation.

This would have upset me, too. He knew it was important to you but "forgot". The fact that he rectified it straight away though shows that he does actually care.

Laura95167 · 14/10/2025 19:33

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 13:14

I'm an introvert. I enjoy social things but I have to work at them and sometimes it all gets a bit much and I need a break.

DP is the exact opposite and it sometimes feels like he needs to fill every minute with people.

Generally this works well for us, as he knows people and I benefit from his circle/occasionally find a good friend among them I'm also happy for him to go alone, leabing me time to myself.

Recently every weekend has been very busy and we'd agreed that next weekend we'll step back and have a quiet one together.

Then an opportunity came up for him/us to do something with friends that means being in London for 9am on Saturday. It's something he loves and that I enjoy, but we'd agreed to have a break from all the people. He agreed to go without a second thought and without remembering our plans. Tbf our plans were to do "nothing" so they're not in the diary! I can go or not go, it would be fine either way.

I was upset that he'd forgotten our agreement to just "be" together for a couple of days. Once he realised, he's cancelled nd apologised so we can go back to the original plan. I feel upset that he's now only spending the day with me because I yelled at him, not because he wants to.

And on top of that I've shot myself in the foot a bit because a day entirely to myself is probably what I really need!

Would you be upset that he didn't prioritise/wasn't looking forward to doing nothing with you? That's what bothered me, if he was looking forward to it like I was, he wouldn't have forgotten....

He forgot, doesnt mean he doesnt want to be with you. The apology and cancelling sounds like he does in fact want to be with you.

I also suspect you are overreacting because you are overdue that time to do nothing

Is it too late to just say that to him, suggest he do the saturday thing alone, while you decompress and then have a chilled day together Sunday?

Shotokan101 · 14/10/2025 21:42

Pebblepoppy · 13/10/2025 13:14

I'm an introvert. I enjoy social things but I have to work at them and sometimes it all gets a bit much and I need a break.

DP is the exact opposite and it sometimes feels like he needs to fill every minute with people.

Generally this works well for us, as he knows people and I benefit from his circle/occasionally find a good friend among them I'm also happy for him to go alone, leabing me time to myself.

Recently every weekend has been very busy and we'd agreed that next weekend we'll step back and have a quiet one together.

Then an opportunity came up for him/us to do something with friends that means being in London for 9am on Saturday. It's something he loves and that I enjoy, but we'd agreed to have a break from all the people. He agreed to go without a second thought and without remembering our plans. Tbf our plans were to do "nothing" so they're not in the diary! I can go or not go, it would be fine either way.

I was upset that he'd forgotten our agreement to just "be" together for a couple of days. Once he realised, he's cancelled nd apologised so we can go back to the original plan. I feel upset that he's now only spending the day with me because I yelled at him, not because he wants to.

And on top of that I've shot myself in the foot a bit because a day entirely to myself is probably what I really need!

Would you be upset that he didn't prioritise/wasn't looking forward to doing nothing with you? That's what bothered me, if he was looking forward to it like I was, he wouldn't have forgotten....

He should have checked with you, diary or no diary entry, simple!

Make sure that he understands that the next weekend is completely "you two" time.......

dancingbymyself · 14/10/2025 22:10

Next time just book it out in the diary - ‘day at home together’ or similar.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/10/2025 22:14

It wouldn’t bother me no. I certainly wouldn’t have yelled.

WilfredsPies · 14/10/2025 23:21

You yelled at him because you were annoyed he forgot about plans that weren’t on the calendar? You had a lapse of manners, he had a lapse of memory. Neither of you are perfect.

He’s apologised to you, now you owe him an apology for yelling at him. Tell him to go, have your time to yourself, choose a date when you’re both free and write ‘day together’ on it.

Newname29 · 14/10/2025 23:38

I'd be delighted to havw the peace by myself tbh

AutumnCosy2025 · 14/10/2025 23:42

I understand x I'd be hurt too.

its weird he suggested it, then 'forgot' Definitely put it in the diary next time.

Is it too late now for him to go Saturday then spend Sunday together?