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Original poster

Is this rude?

30 replies

CatamaranViper · 13/10/2025 11:56

Just a quick one really!
I've been asked to take over birthdays at work. At the start of each month I've just bought vouchers and cards for everyone that month, passed them around to be signed and given them to the person on/near their birthday.
I've just found out that someone who's birthday is next week doesn't celebrate his birthday. I've already had everyone sign the card and have his voucher...should I give it to them an apologise that I didn't realise but wanted to ensure they got the voucher in the interest of fairness? Do I just not give it to them?

OP posts:
Original poster
CatamaranViper · 14/10/2025 06:13

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 23:08

Fair enough - although what do you do if it's somebody's birthday on the 1st or 2nd of the month, which leaves little time for the card to be passed around and could well fall on a weekend?!

I'm just thinking from a pov of somebody who may have a personal conviction/moral objection to celebrating birthdays at all.

Is it just his own birthday that he doesn't celebrate, or does he get put out by anybody 'publicly' celebrating their birthday? Is he happy to just pass cards straight on without comment or participation, or might he consider it deliberate workplace exclusion - even bullying - when everybody is encouraged to engage in a non-work-related activity that they know will exclude only him?

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I do their card the month before, though only 1 staff member would be affected by that.

He's perfectly happy to sign other people's cards (though now I've realised that he just writes his name and a smiley face). Although we don't speak much, he's a very kind man, always bringing in treats for the staff room, comes to say good morning to everyone each day etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
CatamaranViper · 14/10/2025 06:16

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 23:42

Unfortunately, being asked to be the one who 'does the birthdays' in a workplace can often be a poisoned chalice, and the epitome of the phrase 'no good turn goes unpunished'.

At one place I worked, the staff birthday 'club' asked everybody who wanted to be in it to put in a fiver for each birthday, then they would effectively get back the equal value of all those fivers in one lump sum when it was their own birthday.

One year, somebody put in a fake fiver that looked fine at a glance but which was obviously fake when looking carefully at it for a few moments. I don't know if the contributor handed it over knowingly or not; but the kitty was obviously £5 short for the birthday recipient and nobody admitted it, so the man organising it - and who obviously didn't want to knowingly pass on a dodgy note or leave them inexplicably £5 short - saw no alternative but to put in an extra £5 of his own money.

Although it's a kind gesture of the employer to pay for it, it would actually be a lot simpler if it were funded by the staff themselves. That way, people are asked if they want to participate, they accept or decline, and everybody gets what they want.

Incidentally, does this man celebrate Christmas too? If not (as in he is actively against celebrating if he is a JW or something, rather than just of a different faith/mindset and sees it as irrelevant to him), this could be very difficult to navigate as well - although hopefully not your responsibility!

Edited

He doesn't do Christmas, but we do a staff night out in the January to celebrate a new year instead of in December.
Now I think about it, I know we do secret Santa so I will try to find out if he would be involved...

OP posts:
Steeleydan · 14/10/2025 21:50

CatamaranViper · 13/10/2025 12:31

I don't really know the staff member other than to say hi in passing so ive no idea why they don't celebrate it and I feel quite rude asking them directly.
Another staff member mentioned it when I was passing the cards around. I said for people to still sign it and I'll figure it out (erring on the side of caution in case he did want a card).
The previous chap who sorted out birthdays left before I started so I didn't really know what the crack was. I know he used to buy everyone a bottle of wine/4 beers but I thought a voucher would be better as I know not everyone drinks.

The voucher itself is a birthday themed voucher, as it it physically has the words happy birthday [his name] printed on it and a balloon pattern so there's no way to hide what it is. So annoying because I thought I was bossing it!

Just act dumb about knowing he doesn't celebrate his birthday and give him the present.
If he says 'I don't celebrate my birthday ' just reply oh OK, we'll know for next year. Keep it simple

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strawgoh · 14/10/2025 21:56

CatamaranViper · 14/10/2025 06:16

He doesn't do Christmas, but we do a staff night out in the January to celebrate a new year instead of in December.
Now I think about it, I know we do secret Santa so I will try to find out if he would be involved...

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Secret Santa is easy, just send an email to all staff asking if they would like to join in. The people who say yes are included. Remember that some people might be on leave when you send the email out, and could miss a deadline for replies.

AutumnCosy2025 · 14/10/2025 22:02

CatamaranViper · 13/10/2025 14:01

Apparently it is a religious reason he doesn't celebrate his birthday so I definitely don't want to offend/upset him.

Just for the record as well, the company pay for the voucher so no contribution is asked from the staff, and staff don't know the actual date of birthdays unless the staff member choses to share it. That's why I get people to sign cards at the start of the month. So for example this month we have 5 birthdays so on 1st October I sent all 5 cards around for people to sign.
I then give people the cards either directly or pop them in their pigeon hole.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I will just approach him discretely, apologise for not knowing and explain what's happened. Hopefully I don't offend him!

Not the point of your post but honestly, this is so soulless - why bother?

Personally (I wouldn't be in your position. I wouldn't have taken it on) I'd talk to him, he's a man, not a monster

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