Does anyone else feel like a fraud?

[QueenMummyTheFirst]

Sorry in advance for the ramble, I'm trying to get my thoughts in order. Looking for solidarity and/ or advice...

I did really well academically in school, then at Uni, and have got what, on paper, is a high-flying, successful career. I recently decided to go back to uni to do further study and possibly a side-step into academia, but within generally the same subject area as my work.

However, I'm constantly anxious. The real reason for my career change was burnout and stress, which came to a head a couple of years ago after a particularly stressful work period, but has been building for years, if not for ever. I always feel like a fraud, and worry that I'm about to be "found out". I compare myself to colleagues and see them being competent and confident, and feel like a child play-acting in comparison. I worry that I'm just here by pure luck, and that it will all come crashing down around me any day now.

I go through cycles of: new job -> excitement and promise -> optimistic about my future performance -> doubt -> anxiety -> burnout -> leave, and repeat.

I don't know if this is just me? I have thought that I might be ADHD, or just anxious. I've had counselling and coaching. But I still feel shit, and so ashamed of what I think of as my "true", useless self.

Has anyone else been like this and fixed it/ got better?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/urban-survival/202412/7-signs-you-might-have-imposter-syndrome-and-what-to-do-about-it

Thank you. I have read about imposter syndrome, and been on career workshops, etc. about it, so I am aware. But even at these events, I look around and think: yeah but you guys are actually good at your jobs and just anxious, I am genuinely an imposter.

Which i realise sounds ridiculous, but I can't just reason my way out of it. People say "just look at the evidence of the successes and feedback you get", but i don't believe it.

I just wonder if there is a way out of this. Is it more therapy? A less demanding job? It's exhausting!

Before I read the possibility of adhd, it was what I was thinking. I'm adhd and everything you've described is exactly how I feel

Interesting. Were you diagnosed as an adult? Has knowing helped you?

Have you thought about maybe you’ve been ticking other people’s boxes, and actually you value other things, that you haven’t achieved yet?

That's a new idea, no I hadn't. I have other things in my life that I'm really happy with - lovely family, wonderful friends, and hobbies I enjoy. Work is the only place I feel this bad. Maybe the career thing isn't as important to me as it is to some idealised fantasy of how I should be...?

Objectively, are you actually good at your job? I have had the feelings you describe, but I also was really terrible at elements of my role. I was disorganised, terrible at replying in a timely manner and would take way too long on a piece of work. I would procrastinate for hours and then work late to make it up. My work product was very good but my time management was truly abysmal. I just couldn't work consistently. I have finally found a role that suits me, and I really hope it works out.

So, with you, are you having to work harder than everyone else to get the same output? Or are you 'just' incredibly hard on yourself when objectively you are actually very good?

Totally agree with @BlueRaincoat1. Just because we’re good at getting hires doesn’t mean we’re great at our jobs.

There are aspects that I do think I am terrible at, yes. I get the right results, almost always on time, but I procrastinate, and am bad at planning (and sticking to a plan!). I think my job has changed a lot since I trained too, and now that I've become more senior, I have more project management responsibility, which is probably the worst possible job for me! Unfortunately there is no way in my field to stay at a more junior level.

I also take on too much - partly due to constant over optimism about time, and partly due to my desire to please, and inability to say no. Now I'm convincing myself even more that I'm shit 🤣

Good luck with your new role @BlueRaincoat1

Yes, I have felt like a fraud for a long time, but I'm pretty sure I actually am a fraud.

I'm a solo musician and gig regularly. I'm not that great and am always shocked that a) people clap and stick around to listen b) I get paid when the gig is over and c) I get re-booked after they have heard me. I know I'm not the worst, but there are so many people out there with far more talent than I have.

I keep doing it because it is fun plus the a. b. c. thing. I've learned to live with my mediocrity. Maybe my mediocrity is the appeal. Who knows...

You are obviously not shit. You have many fantastic qualities, you are hard working, diligent, care about getting your work correct, and know your subject well. You just aren't as good at some stuff that comes easier to other people- like the planning and not-procrastinating.
This doesn't make you a fraud. I do think that its hard for good planners to understand how imposssible planning and working in a timely manner can feel to.people who really struggle with it. The stress it causes is phenomenal.
I don't know what the answer is - I think robust diary management and judicious use of AI may help, or some sort of assistant who is great at keeping things on track while you get to focus on the actual work.
But you aren't a fraud.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry to those who also feel this way - it is a horrible feeling. I will have a think about everything you've said here.
Good luck to everyone x

Ps @MediocreAgain - I sing as a hobby, and would absolutely LOVE to be a professional musician. I am in awe of everyone who is. I am sure you must be better than you think - people wouldn't book/ listen to you otherwise!

Yep, when looking into it for my son - he is autistic and adhd. I've been diagnosed since 2022.

Yes, it has helped me understand why I've struggled with certain things and that I'm not lazy or stupid etc. It's like the missing piece of the puzzle was finally found. It made me understand myself more and I am now more forgiving of myself. It doesn't excuse anything, but it helps me know why I do things. So I'm awful with finances and thought I was just really bad at being a grown up and struggled to understand why other people could manage their money but since my diagnosis I've been able to understand why and find ways of managing that. I wasn't able to last long in jobs and was so confused as I'm academically able but I started medication and I finally passed my probation at my job - it had been extended, and then became a very valued member of my team. With having the diagnosis, it meant my workplace had to put in reasonable adjustments to help me manage things. I was allowed to listen to music, was provided a wobble stool etc.

Even if you don't go down the route of medication, you'll know more about who you are

following with (great!) interest