How common is it for old people to end up in a care home?

[Dappy777]

In general, do most old people die at home? Roughly what percentage of us, would you say, end our days in a care or nursing home?

I have a 79-year-old mother. One of my siblings lives with her and I am within walking distance. Also, my husband is a nurse, so he has experience dealing with illness, helping people get in and out of bed, etc. Can people with so much support still end up in a nursing home? If there is enough will and support can you always keep an elderly person in their own home, no matter what? My mother often says she dreads "dying in a strange bed" (as she puts it), and we want to do all we can to prevent that happening.

The priority is her well being, and if that means selling her house to pay for a nursing home, so be it. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about the inheritance. No one wants to lose their inheritance unless they have to. How common is it for an elderly person to have to sell their house and go into a nursing home? And who makes that decision? I mean, can a doctor or social worker intervene and insist she go into a nursing home? I suppose what I'm asking is can you usually keep a parent at home if there is enough support, or are there circumstances in which no matter how much support there is the individual simply has to go into care? And how common is that? For example, I have known people whose parents developed dementia and became violent. Presumably such people need 24 hour professional supervision.

I've no idea of national figures but my two grandmothers both lived in a care home for the last 2/3 years of their lives - in both cases from their late 80s to early 90s. Both had dementia but had managed to live at home with support until they had falls in their late 80s. The vast majority of fellow residents were a similar age i.e. a good 10 years older than your mum OP. At your mum's age both my grans were completely independent - it was once they hit early 80s the gradual decline started.

My grandfathers died much younger in hospital after suffering stroke/heart attack.

Having parents who are 89 and 90 and live at home with multiple different health issues and some carers coming in, currently once every day, I can say I still don't know whether they'll stay at home as is their fervent desire.

Also, not everyone is on the same page and it's stressful trying to work out what is best, will be best. And my parents, well my mum, changes her mind.

Only things you can do is be open minded, try to agree with siblings etc. Get financial power of attorney and health and wellbeing power of attorney.

Despite both parents having had serious hospital admissions since June, one in, one out, it's still entirely unpredictable.

Oh yeah, my parents think they need less care than they currently have. And aim to have less in the near future. Everyone else thinks they need more 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️

Not read the thread since I last posted but have been thinking about it since I did.

I remember 20 years ago I was helping care for the grandparents I mentioned and my mother was in her 50's, not much older than I am now. She made my sister and I promise that despite whatever she said, we would put her in a home if she needed it. She didnt want us to go through what she was going through with her parents. I believed her, and I still believe that she meant it at the time.

She now needs care, not enough for a home but more than my disabled father can give. She wont accept any from me.

She is in early stage dementia, that is obvious, but she is aware enough to not think that she is. My father simply doesnt want to accept that she is ill. Telling her the same thing 6 times in half an hour isnt a problem apparently. I am certain that deep down he knows, but he doesnt want to face up to it.

The irony is not lost on me that she is forcing me to do what she made me promise not to do.