Parents of DC in mental health hospitals.

[watchingplanesicantafford]

My son was admitted this week with psychosis. He's 17. He's really quite unwell but I have seen him everyday. The hospital have been fantastic but I have a few questions please for other parents with experience of this. Sometimes I worry that I'm ringing and visiting too often. It's a balance between wanting to see him and not tire him out. Also I've never been in this situation before and I don't know what the right thing to do is. Do most people visit every day? How long do you stay? Do you ring every day? Currently I'm ringing morning and night but is that too much because they must be busy? I'm visiting once a day for half an hour or so because he's still very unwell. The visits are supervised so is that too often to take the staff from the ward? I'd appreciate some advice please of anyone has been in this situation. I asked the staff and they said I could ring and visit as much as I want, but I wasn't sure if I'm doing too much or not enough.

I'd ring them and ask them what they think would be best. They would know what kind if effect visits and not having visits would have on them. My bil was sectioned with psychosis years ago, induced by weed. He didn't have any visitors. When he was released, he felt alot better with meds for life. I wish you and your son all the best.

Thank you. I have asked them and they said I can go whenever I want and that it doesn't really affect him either way as he's so ill just now. I just don't want to go too much and make them more busy or not enough and look like I don't care. I'll ask them again later when I see them.

phoning twice a day is reasonable, you can ask they call you daily for an update.
tbh as he’s so unwell it’s probably quite traumatic for you to be with him so I wouldn’t feel pressured to go daily, sometimes it can be quite triggering for the young person and also you might end up seeing and hearing things that he won’t remember but you will so do what’s best for you. Take care of yourself. Not sure if he’s in a general hospital or a GAU but they will be able to guide you with what’s the best thing to do.

If they thought it was too much they would tell you. Just do what feels right to you.
When he gets better they may want him to engage with the therapy program so might not want you to visit in the hours when that is running.
The other thing is that I would guess things have been pretty tough at home if he is that unwell so it’s OK to take the opportunity to have a break yourself whilst he is in a safe place. Don’t feel guilty about having some days off for yourself. Gather your strength for when he comes out.

I don’t have your experience but I was sectioned myself a couple of years ago. I had an episode of hypomania. I didn’t have psychosis but my Mother has. So based on my experiences:

I would definitely keep calling twice a day and visiting as often as you can.

I had an adverse reaction to diazepam (made me much more anxious and agitated). It was hard for the staff to know what was my illness and what was the drug. My DH was able to tell and advocated for me. They gave me diazepam once in A&E so I may not have been hospitalised if I hadn’t had that adverse reaction. I was sectioned and in hospital for about 3 weeks. My DH is a scientist so he spoke to them and then spoke to me as a liaison. They emailed him updates of the drugs I was on etc. it was far easier to trust him rather than them, especially as they had “tricked” me into taking another dose of diazepam after I had said it didn’t work for me.

I was allowed to keep my phone so I spoke to my DH a couple of times a day so he only visited in person twice a week (and not for that long as I was an hour plus from home).

When my Mum was hospitalised for the first time - when I was about 12 - she didn’t know she was ill and had a lot of psychosis. She appealed her section and it went to tribunal. She wasn’t successful. She was in hospital for months but has done really well since she came home and is still doing well many decades later. We used to visit a few times a week and took the dog up once a week to say hello too. I don’t think we’d be allowed to visit on ward now under age 18.

What I would say is that you need to protect your health and mental wellbeing too. If going daily is too much for you to sustain - it’s ok not to go every day. All the best. I hope the treatment works well for him.

We didn’t ring every day, but we liaised with DC’s OH, so that either they or us visited DC every day. We probably stayed an hour or two?

At the first place, an hour away from home, we saw DC in a visitors’ room, with a window in the door. Staff were outside, so they could see DC was OK, but we had privacy as to our conversations.

At the second place, forty five minutes away from home, we are allowed to spend time with DC on the ward. Staff were around, but not listening specifically to our conversations.

I think what you’re doing is perfect. You’re safeguarding him too.

Don't forget, OP, that some children are hospitalised hundreds of miles from home, so visiting every day is impossible in those circumstances.
Also, some children have troubled relationships with their parents, so visits aren't appropriate.
Your visits are probably fine, but phoning twice a day as well seems like a lot - it is taking up valuable staff time. But just ask them what's best.

The staff on my ward told my DH to call as often as he felt was necessary and had no issue with it. As far as they were concerned, helping him was ultimately helping me. But it might be too often for op, as they do need to have some time to themselves to be able to keep going and keep well.

My brother was sectioned a long time ago and it was very different- I don't remember visits being supervised. I think it's a balance between your own anxiety, and what's best for them - at the moment you're saying he's quite unwell so maybe trust your gut and keep going. If you reduce visits though be aware he might have come to rely on it, so it needs to be reduced gradually and something he is replacing it with like a class. He's only 17, my DB was 23. I rememher how young and fragile some of the 18 year old looked on the ward and hoping that they were loved. The period around his psychosis was very traumatic so do look after yourself.

He's in psychiatric intensive care. To be honest I've only been so involved because it was only Tuesday that it happened and it's been chaotic getting him assessed and moved to the correct place. I will probably still visit every day or every other day and only call if I can't visit. They ring me if there's anything to tell me anyway and I'm having weekly meetings with the staff too.

Visiting is just in the evenings anyway, so they have time for schools and therapy during the day, though he's not at that stage yet. It was a very sudden decline, so while it wasn't tough in the run up it was suddenly very traumatic and witnessed by his siblings. So we definitely need some time to all be ok.

Thank you. I'm glad you and your mum and doing well.

Visits are supervised at the moment, partly because he's so unwell but also because he thinks I'm trying to harm him.

I would definitely visit every day if he was a bit better. I'm lucky in that he is at our nearest psychiatric intensive care hospital, so I can easily get there. He could have been placed hundreds of miles away.

Ive been an inpatient a few times.

Supervised visits are appropriate if the patient is very unwell as they can become unpredictable. Especially if they believe someone is harming them.

Right now, he most likely wont know if youre visiting everyday, and as be begins to improve he may not remember much of his period of being unwell.

Try not to think about what you feel you should/shouldn't be doing. And do what is right for your family. He is safe.

He's your son, you should be able to ring as much or as little as you want.
My DD was in hospital for six months I rang morning and evening most days, plus visited every day.
I did ask in the early days if it was ok to ring twice a day and they said it was, and I could ring at whatever level I needed.

There was a period of time it looked like she was improving so I only rang in the morning, but then she relapsed and I went back to ringing once I got home from visiting her.

Sometimes I'd catch a staff member at visiting but it was rare.

The hospital also set up weekly meetings between me and her main nurse, so I could ask any questions about her treatment and plans.

It's a difficult scary time, make sure you look after yourself and take every day (sometimes every hour) at a time 💐

Yes, a PQ ward is probably quite different. DD was on an ordinary ward. If people started doing anything dangerous, they were taken off to the PQ ward.

Even so, DD said patients came in, clearly in psychosis; but with the right drugs, regular food and sleep, they improved quite quickly.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. If he believes that you are trying to hurt him does he want you to visit every day? Does it cause him more stress? I wouldn't worry about the phone calls, you need to make them for your own sake and it's part of their job to answer your questions.

Well perhaps not no. He spat at my yesterday and said I was wasting his time, so I'm probably making him worse. Going to give him a few days with his meds and see if he's more settled before I visit again. I'm so sad, everything about how he is now is the complete opposite to my lovely, gentle boy.

@watchingplanesicantaffordmy heart goes out to you as I know from experience how tough this is. DS1 (19) is currently 3 months into his 2nd psychotic episode. He has been moved hospital 4 times so far and one of them was 90mins drive away. Luckily he is now only 10mins away. We ring every day about 10am to see how he is and how much sleep he got. We then visit every day in the afternoon usually about 2pm. We have only missed a handful of days. A few have been because he was in seclusion but he is now desperate to come home but is not quite well enough yet. Seeing us is sometimes triggering difficult incidents if he hasn’t had enough sleep to regulate his emotions so we have occasionally agreed not to go. I am also suffering from a temporary health issue myself which affects my mobility so I have missed a couple of visits due to pain levels. Trying fit all this in around work is tough but we are managing - just about.

I would say go as often as you feel is right and don’t worry about the staff. Most are pleased to see young people being supported by family. However it will be tough on you, do you have support? If so use it, I am being very careful who knows about my sons illness and find it hard to discuss the details which are harrowing but close family are aware and are supportive.

Your lovely boy is still there inside. It’s hard to believe when you are in the thick of it but he will get better once the meds are optimised. My son was only in for 3 weeks last time as he came out of it quickly. This time it’s taking longer for the meds to work and the moves have set him back each time. The system is in turmoil but all the staff are amazing and understanding. We have rightly never been made to feel like we are taking up too much of their time at all.

I honestly do wish you all the best and hope your son comes out of this quickly. As pp have said don’t forget to look after yourself.

Your lovely boy is still there and you will see him again. He's in the right place and getting the treatment he needs. ❤️

Thank you @Feelinglost54and @WatchingTheDetective, it means a lot. @Feelinglost54I hope your boy continues to improve. I have a question but don't feel like you have to answer if it is too difficult. Does your DC remember the worst of his psychosis? I'm wondering how much of this behaviour and the initial event he will actually know about after? It probably varies by case and I should ask his dr, but it's been playing on my mind.

I have been sectioned several times with psychosis and weirdly remember it all much more clearly than I do other periods of my life. As a teen my mum visited most days and so did some friends.

I had huge adverse reactions to haleperidol and had to take a muscle relaxant. My mum spotted this before the staff.
The places I have been in had the shittest food ever. So she would bring in decent healthy food. It was levelling to be seen. There is lots of dead time. I had no therapy, as did the people I was with apart from a bit of crafts and in one a singing workshop.

One of the best things she did is tell me not to give a fuck what anyone else thought about me being mad. She said it was a good way to work out who my realfriends were. Those that didn't treat me well worth worry about anyway. It stood me in good stead.

There have been lots of good thjngs come out of being unwell. I became hugely empathetic to other people, I have learnt how to navigate difficult situations, and have a very quick thinking brain which has led me to an exciting career.

I often think it is worse for the parents and partners in your situation so hope you remember to look after yourself.

I'm a previous mental health nurse, and mother of a now adult child who has been unwell. The nurses will be fine with you calling twice a day, and happy for you to visit.

I used to tell parents/families that even if the patient didnt want to speak/see them to call anyway and we would let the patient know. Because as they recovered, they would know that they had been loved and cared for even tho they hadn't wanted to speak/see theit relatives.

When my daughter was admitted, I removed her phone (under 18) so that she could not use social media etc. As posting when unwell, it stays online and may be be embarrassing later on. You can buy a pay as you go, so he still has a phone.

Edited to add: have a look at what Early Intervention Psychosis services are available locally. My area have an amazing service, with a group for young people. They have so much to offer: activities eg music, art, careers info, psychology input, surfing, outdoor activities. The young people have support from the professionals and peers who have experienced an psychosis.