I think im depressed

[Gree3nepepper]

I dont know why. I have 2 perfect kids. They are the best and I just feel guilty ridden that I feel so sad on my own and without them I dont feel like a person. Im their mum when im with them I know who I am

But when theyre In bed of a night or in nursery when I work I just dont feel like a person
I dont know how to socialise normally I just feel low and tired and I feel like I just coast through

Ironically im married. Thats a bit of a rocky relationship we're currently like roommates so probably does add to what i feel

But I dont know what to do. I dont want my kids noticing but they will soon mmy eldest is nearly 4 youngest is nearly 2. They'll pick up on me seeming I dont know i just dont feel like me and last time I felt like this tired all the time
I laid in bed all day struggled to get out (I dont do this now my kids are my reason to get up and have a fulfilled day) I was 16 and depressed

What’s your identity outside of being a mum? Do you have a job you enjoy?
Friends to share experiences with?
A hobby to enjoy?

I dont really have one. If im not with them I'm pretty much nobody

I dont have hobbies and not really friends. I distanced myself leaving school but have 1 friend I see every few months

I dont love my job I feel like i dont understand it a bit but my manger is lovely and very happy with me and its a great place to be

Okay so that’s somewhere to start, what are your interests? What’s something you enjoy?

Perhaps you could find something local to you or even an online community, an opportunity to make friends and give your mind something else to focus on.

I'm a mum of 2 and although my children are everything to me, I also have multiple hobbies that I enjoy such as reading, crafts and photography.
We’re mums, but that’s all we are, find another passion of yours and chase it. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, what’s stopping you?

Could you find a new career? Something you actually enjoy? Being in a job you don’t like is depressing.

Thats the funny thing is dont know what i like. I get a bath every night. I go to bed. Its just all a bit mundane i feel like im just a robot going through motions

I probably need a hobby. I hate leaving the kids tho and the time theyre out is nursery and then obviously im in the house after they go to bed. Sometimes I go on walks but then I think too much

I could try to find a new job and hobby. I have a little bit of debt as I spend for a 'dopamine hit ' as people call it (not on myself lol I get all my stuff off vinted for cheaper) but stuff for the kids. So i need to squash that

I felt similarly 6 months ago. I've just ended up taking on two voluntary roles. One with the school PTA that my kids are at and I am a scouting leader. Both keep me busy alongside being a mum and working. I love the time with my kids but I also enjoy getting out and about and mixing with others.

Unfortunately it is very easy to make our identity as mum and nothing else. You are a person too, find something that appeals to your personality. I think it's also important for your kids to see you do something else that doesn't involve them. You don't want them to be older and worry about your emotions every time they leave you or want to take a different direction in life.

This is a good idea while I dont know what hobby I'd like! My mum works in a hospital always looking for volunteers too. So maybe this could be a start. I would have to work on leaving the kids with DH tho I just get immense guilt if im not with them when im not working all the time

Yes this is my worry. I dont want them also wanting to get away from me and thinking I don't want to be like her. It sounds silly but when my eldest has his I want daddy times I take it really personal and get upset. It's silly but I feel like if im not there favourite I have no one else in my life. I feel the want to be their number 1 all the time which I must be as their mum but yeah the times he says I want to do this with daddy etc upset me (not his fault)

I think you should 100% talk to your GP. It doesn't sound right at all and there's some lovely ideas for self care etc but I also think a medical professional could be a good idea too. It's a very vulnerable time for you and for your marriage, it's worth making sure you're in a strong enough position to make the positive changes that will help you, medication or therapy might be a bridge towards that.

Small steps. You might find if you do something that you realise that you enjoy a certain part of that and it takes you off in a different direction. Some people prefer contact others just want to feel useful. Some towns have volunteer centres whereby you can see what they offer. I know my local ones do telephone calls etc to others in the community one hour a week or there are things such as helping prepare meals for a couple of hours for a lunch club. I hope you find something that gives you back you.