DH and I both work full time in demanding jobs and have 2 DC(5&2). DHs parents very kindly help us with school pick but they're in their 80s so we don't ask any more of them.
My parents are younger and semi-retired. They have always been extremely clear that they will not act as childcare and I have always respected this and never once asked them to look after our children.
Of her own accord, my Mum has been saying for the last year that she would like to convert their office into a bedroom so they could have the children to stay sometimes. She's been talking about it for a long time but finally actually got around to it recently. She was today, excitedly telling me about it and was buying mattress protectors for the beds she has bought for the room whilst we were together.
I asked when was she thinking she might like to have the children she awkwardly stopped talking and just ignored me for a while before saying, what she has always said which is, she's raised her children and doesn't want to be looking after children during her retirement.
I'm just feeling a bit deflated. We are lucky with DH's parents but they can't help more than they do which we are so grateful for. We don't have any other family or close enough friends that might ever have our kids for the odd occasion so DH and I very rarely get a child free time alone together. And this is fine, it's just life at the moment. But I had had a glimmer of hope when my Mum, completely voluntarily, stated she wanted to have the children to stay every once in a while. I thought how lovely for my kids to have that time with their grandparents without us there on occasions. We are a close family and see them a few times a month but I know from seeing their relationship with DHs parents that having that time with them without us there does give them a different and I think stronger relationship compared to what they currently have with my parents.
And I'll admit, I was excited at the prospect of actual having a night alone with DH once in a blue moon (literally not happened in 1.5 years).
I just wish she hadn't bothered with the room, I don't understand why she's done it and why she's been talking about it for so long and specially in relation to my children staying over; she never mentioned wanting it for a guest room for anyone else and they don't have anyone that would be likely to visit and need to sleepover. But actually she still just sees it as an 'in an absolute emergency when we've exhausted every other avenue, then we could call and then she would have the kids.' And please don't get me wrong, I am grateful for just that and I've always already known that if I truly needed something, anything, my parents would help me in a heartbeat.
But I don't need them to have the children. I've set my life up to ensure I don't need them because they've been so clear about that, so I'm not going to ever ask them. If it was an emergency we'd go to DHs parents so really they're the back up emergency and that feels like an excessive reason to redecorate your office to a bedroom just in case something awful happens to your daughter, her husband, and both her in-laws to the extent that none of them could look after the grandchildren and you at that point are asked to step up. It hasn't happened once in the 5 years since my eldest was born so I don't really see the need to order mattress protectors, just in case.
Nothing to be done, I'm just frustrated and a bit disappointed. I love my Mum, very much. But I'm irritated at her today.