Christmas Day plan help!

[BrooookeDavis]

Hopefully this isn't really a Christmas topic because it's more a single parent question.

This year our usual Christmas day plans have fallen through and I don't know what to do to please everyone and could do with some alternative thoughts

One DD, 15, hates being an only child. Really hates it at Christmas. One dog.
Two married elderly grandparents. Live 5 mins away.
One single elderly grandparent. One dog. Lives two hours away

DD does not want to spend it at home.
3 grandparents happy to spend day together but not host each other.

No-one particular cares about turkey dinners.

It's just becoming a lot of stress which is annoying because it's just a day.

DD doesn't want to stay at home because the day drags and it's quiet. Particularly if we're hosting as then I'll be distracted by prep/cooking etc. There are other reasons related to loss that make a quiet day really difficult. She's the only one of her friend group that doesn't have siblings.

Thanks for all the suggestions so far, really appreciate them.

Stay over Xmas Eve with single grandparent, bring dog. Leave mid afternoon, drop your dog home and go to the other grandparents' house for dinner/evening/games.

Single mum of 1 here…..we go out. There’s a very nice local hotel, we get dressed up and go out for a few hours, breaks the day up and means we get a change of scenery and I don’t need to cook. We also have friends who have invited us to theirs in previous years as well. Just do what you want to do, it’s your family and your choice xx

Is there a reason you are allowing DD to dictate everyone's Christmas
Surely all grandparents come to your house for the whole day and you host .
It's her home ..if she can bare to live in it all year round ,she can manage at Christmas.
Why are you allowing her to make demands ,that Christmas is not at home .your tieing yourself up in knots trying to please everyone..plus it's costing you more money.
Let the grandparent who lives 2 hours away arrive on Christmas eve ,and the other grandparents arrive Christmas day morning.
Her family is her family ,it's the one she's got ..we d all like things to be different,but sadly we all have the family we have

Can the single grandparent and dog stay at yours? Book a nice pub for lunch so you’re not distracted with prep and let DD help to make a bit of a plan for the day? Like presents at 10am, Christmas movie at 11, lunch out at 1, country walk after with the dog, home for games and hot chocolate / mince pies etc, she can pick the Xmas tele for the evening? Or whatever she’d like to do. I suppose it depends whether she just doesn’t want to be at home or if she’d be ok at home but with a bit of a shake-up of the usual order of the day. A carol or church service might be nice if you’ve lost someone this year, light a candle to remember them.

This is going to sound harsh but DD is unfortunately going to have to realise she can’t have it completely her way and some sort of concession may have to be made.

I agree that you could host but make the day full - lunch out, board games, movie etc.

Do you have any friends you could invite to spend the day with you also? Or any more family?

Here’s a thing, break with tradition, does your daughter also have friends who are also children of single mums?.
How about a few of you get together and share the expense of Christmas Day or even find a venue open and invite daughters friends with single mothers to join you.
We all know what it was like to be a teenager on Christmas Day, once the presents are opened and witnessed stressed out mothers cooking the dinner.
There’s always somewhere dishing up a classic Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day.
Having friends over instead of relatives, makes Christmas far more enjoyable.
Or why not just host a Christmas Day party and fore go the traditional full Roast Dinner.
Teens at Christmas are a problem and they would rather be with friends or on their gaming consoles, the older they get, the less time you see them.
Except for the food.

Do something totally different. See if someone local - church, charity, town council, food bank - are doing some sort of lunch for the homeless. Get stuck in and help.

Then in the evening sit and watch TV with special treat snacks to hand.

Grandparents can have any one of the other days.

Tell single grandparent to travel to you with dog on 24th - main evening meal and walk dog; stay overnight; have Christmas breakfast, and a very light lunch and gifts together. Then that gp drives home around 2.30pm and you go to married gp for a Christmas Day afternoon/evening - board games, film, nibbles/ bring a dish.

Pick up grandparents who are 5 mins away and travel over to single grandparents then go to a pub near them for Christmas dinner? Then drop single grandparent off at home and you, DD and other grandparents either travel back or stay somewhere in an Airbnb / hotel? Bit of a faff but the only solution I can think of where nobody is having to host and DD isn't at home.

Did you read the part where DD doesn't want to be at home as its related to a loss? I think losing someone and being and home and reminded of them on Christmas day is really hard, it just seems like someone is missing. Just becayse she's a kid doesn't mean she doesn't feel things like that, too.

OP I think you should sack the whole thing off and go on holiday!

Op is the single grandparent empathetic and flexible ?

Can the three of you all go out ? Or stay in a nice hotel somewhere the focus being people alone at Xmas so on this occasions leave the pair ?
Unless they want to stay in hotel

Ahh, I re read your replies. So the single grandparent used to be married to the one in the couple? I can see why they don't want to host each other. I wrongly thought 1 set was from DD's father's side.

Yes that's right. They all get on and do stuff together but my Step Mum doesn't particularly want the ex wife round for lunch and my Mum doesn't particularly want to go to her ex husbands house!

Really tempting about the holiday!

And thank you for understanding. I'm not letting DD dictate, I'm giving her a voice and trying to find a solution that works for everyone.

Going away sounds like a lovely idea! I keep trying to do this but everyone seems to want to stay at home

I’d just take your DD on holiday. Prioritise a nice Christmas for her since the GPs are making things impossible.

Could you and dd book somewhere for a few days halfway between grandparents. They could visit, go home or stay but you wouldn't be at home and would be something different.

Could you prioritise single grandparent. Maybe go away with them. Other grandparents have each other.

I agree prioritise your mum and take her away with you and DD somewhere for a few days. Catch up with your dad and step mum when you get back.

You can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone! It’s your Christmas too 🌲

I would book a holiday for yourself & daughter. Being a single parent myself Christmas can be tough. Go away somewhere nice just the 2 of you

i’ve Booked to fly off on holiday on Xmas day! The kids will be v excited to be getting on a plane to somewhere warm at Xmas and it’s a bit different to our usual Xmas at home! I’m not telling them though -it will be a surprise.

Crikey - reminds me why I’m sick of Xmas. Have single grandparent round for the day for dinner & then go to married grand parents in eve

I think you should stay at home and make it wonderful. She can make a nice sit down breakfast, maybe you could do her a small table stocking of little things. Have get ready for the day. Take the dog out, put the tree lights on. Have special food that you both like . Have a cosy afternoon, try and make a traditional, such as a board game or connect 4 or draughts, have a tea snack tea and walk the dog and come back into pyjamas and watch the TV