How do I avoid christmas?

[DrDisrespect]

Didn't know whether to post this in the Christmas forum or not, but hear goes..

Background – for the past 12 years or so I’ve had friends over for Christmas day. Big meal, presents, drinks, crap TV. Friends chip in with money/food but i always host.

Family Christmas is usually done a few days later (depending on who’s working and when, who are at the in laws etc).

This year, I simply can’t be bothered with any of it.

I finish work on the 24th and don’t go back until Monday 5th. And I want to spend all that time doing sweet FA. Ive had a crap year and I want to be selfish.

How do i broach this with my friends and family?

Ive looked at going away, but i cant afford it (cant really fake a trip as people would ask what im doing/where im going and expect to see pics on the WhatsApp group chat/insta).

Cant invent a fake boyfriend (ive been kind of private about my relationships for the last few years so cant suddenly be spending time with them with no mention of them before... plus it would mean waaay too many questions).

Dont want to be 'unwell' last minute.

I know its very bah humbug. But please help?

Just tell them what you've said here, you're wiped out and need a break from it so someone else can host this year

"After a really busy year I'm taking the opportunity for some much needed down time! See you in 2026" rinse and repeat as necessary!

Just be honest.
Tell them you're not making any plans and are having Christmas of suiting yourself.
Whether or not everyone else believes you and doesn't try to talk you round/decides to pop in and surprise you, is another matter.
If you're sure about your plans, be forceful if you need to be.

Tell them in your world Christmas in cancelled for 2025. You intend to ignore the whole thing, have pies ordered for Christmas dinner and everyone needs to make their own arrangements.

Last Christmas we had a really quiet Christmas and I just told everyone that I was having a rest and restore holiday so would be keeping a low profile. It was absolutely lovely and great to actively choose what I did rather than feel obligated. Definitely be up front early so people can make other plans.

Do you want a break from socialising as well as hosting or just the hosting part? A mid way position would be to book Christmas meal out. So you still see everyone, have nice food and exchange gifts but skip the washing up part.

We did this the last two years running too and it was fine.

Thanks for the replies. I feel like im letting people down in a way 😔

Yes just explain and do it now so they have time to make other plans. I love a solitary Christmas personally, but you do have to make it clear you really are happiest left to your own devices otherwise they try to change your mind. Have a list of the lovely things you are planning on indulging in to reassure them.

ETA: you are not letting them down! Tell them you will definitely love to host everyone/get together again another year, but you are having a year off. It also ensures noone is taking you for granted which is never a nice feeling.

Both tbh

I think people would worry about you if you say you don’t want to see anyone. I know mine would think I’m depressed or having a breakdown.

I would just tell friends you have to do family and family you are doing friends and then do neither. Massively helps you are working up to the last minute.

I think your reaction of thinking you’re letting people down says a lot. You NEED this! It seems like you’ve been giving and giving.

But you’re not. You’ve been a generous host for years and need a break. Your friends will sort out something else between themselves and have a great time. It’s not as if you’re leaving a frail relative on their own.

It's fine that you don't want to host, but you don't plan going to your family's Christmas dinner event at all? Are you sure you're ok? I know you need a break etc but to me that seems a bit extreme. Would a day with your family, in the middle of your time off, not help you to unwind? I can't imagine one of my family deciding they wanted to sit on their own for Christmas. It's quite upsetting to think about it actually!

I agree with PP that if you have been generously hosting for over a decade add and are feeling guilty about having g a break, you really, really should give yourself a break.

the key is to do it now, while people have plenty of time to make other arrangements. What kind of person would have the audacity to complain?

No you're not, you've done it for years already , now you know this year you do want to. As the saying goes you can't pour from an empty cup. Tell everyone one now so they can start to make a new plan, just tell them you are worn out & can't manage it this year and need some "you time" so someone else must do it.

I've done this myself many years ago but I told my friends I was visiting family and told my family I was going to friends for Christmas. Then I stayed at home for a couple of days eating what I wanted when I wanted , watching tv, reading and never spoke to a soul for a few days, it was bliss.

You're absolutely not if you tell them early.
I think if you've always done the same think with the same people then its fair to assume they would think thats the plan this year again.
Tell them early. Let them plan.

Just send the text today.

Bright and breezy.

Don’t over explain or make excuses - it’s a fait accompli - otherwise you open a dialogue with people trying to work around your ‘excuses’.

You have a choice to be either proactive or reactive - ie send a one line text now - or wait for people to assume you are hosting and respond to them individually - but this would be more tedious and stressful.

You should never ‘JADE’ your own preferences, choices, feelings - justify, argue, defend or explain. The only answer is ‘I don’t want to’

Also look at your ‘FOG’ fear obligation and guilt
are NEVER a reason to be doing anything - it’s self abandonment and inauthentic.

Some guests might be relieved or welcome the opportunity to do something else. If someone else hosts will you go?

How to avoid Christmas.
Passport tickets flight enjoy.
Im off to Romania this year leave around the 20th return in the new year.

Let them know now. Preface your change of plans by saying out with the old and in with the new.

Get a jigsaw puzzle with a subject you love - I did the World of Jane Austen last year and LOVED it. This year is Agatha Christie. I never thought I would enjoy doing it but I was sad to finish it.

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

OP, this is a bit mad. Everyone who might have expected to be hosted by you is being given plenty of time to make other arrangements. Just tell everyone what you’ve said on here and be very clear that the best thing they can do for you is to respect your desire for a solo Christmas eating and watching old films.

I used to loath the family thing when I was younger. I began going to non-Christian countres like Morocco, Egypt or Nepal so I could get away with not being home. Then I would just SAY I was going to X country. However there was no social media back then and I live in a different city from my family. They would never have understod that I just didnt want to see them.

I know how you feel. The first year we said we were going away for Christmas and the New Year, no one believed me! But off we went and honestly, it is the best thing we've ever done.

We are a close family and see each other regularly throughout the year, so what's the fuss about bloody Christmas anyway IMV? I have a sneaky feeling they were all raging that I wouldn't be around to help or host, so it wasn't just about seeing me! (We don't have children BTW ).

Go for it and tell the truth. Visit on Xmas eve and leave it at that. Beware..... you will be prodded, persuaded, guilt tripped - the lot, but do as I did and laugh it off. The second year we legged it there wasn't a comment made at all. This will be our third year to do it and no one batted an eyelid. Can be done.

You're not letting anyone down. They can still all get together and someone else can host (don't worry if they've got smaller homes, less money, they'll manage to do it).

If you really feel you can’t tell them the truth, if you get invitees to stuff just say you already have plans but thank you. They don’t need to know those plans are to sit at home alone and chill!