I want to ask for some thoughts on this situation which has been bugging me quite a bit. I’m 23 qnd met a guy 25 on Bumble last month while I was in his city for a 3-week stay. We both knew it was short-term because our cities are ~6 hours apart by train bit he’s moving to another country next month, so long-distance isn’t realistic.
We clicked really well and met up like 6–7 times before I went home. Didn't have sex but he clearly wanted to and I usually stopped it before it went that far. After I left, he texted me a lot, updates about his day, pictures, voice notes, insta reels and we even sexted a bit. I loved our conversations a lot and got very used to texting. I definitely reciprocated everything but I’m not the biggest texted so it was him setting the tone and pace of our communication and him keeping up the contact.
About a week after I was back home he suggested we meet in a city halfway between us for a weekend. I agreed and was looking forward to seeing him again but also quite nervous as he was texting a lot about sex and made it clear he wanted to spend a lot of time in bed during the trip. I’ve never had sex and don’t have much experience so I was very nervous about this. It was something I wanted to explore with him though but I was just scared from the anticipation.
On Saturday the vibe was really good. In the afternoon we went back to the hotel and I tried to give him a blowjob which I had never done before so I think it was pretty bad and he also stopped me quite quickly like after just a few minutes. He then went down on me which was amazing. We wanted to have sex after but he couldn’t get hard again and told me this is something that happens to him like half the time because of anxiety. I told him no problem and not to stress. After we went out for the evening to dinner and a show and all seemed fine. When we went to bed it was quite late he tried to initiate again a bit but I said no we should sleep.
The next day was Sunday morning he also asked if I wanted to get back into bed after we showered and I said let’s get breakfast first. Later he felt really tired (he’d just done a marathon the week before and lots of training). He’s a super active/fit guy though so I was also a bit annoyed that he was suddenly acting like he was super tired like couldn’t he just push through it a bit and pretend to have more energy than he did? Maybe that’s insensitive but that’s what I would do on a trip if I wasn’t feeling super well. I didn’t say this and just told him not to force it if he was tired and that we could just go back to the hotel and chill. This is where things started to get a bit weird because he went into the bed and took a nap. I was sitting on the couch in the hotel room and once he woke up I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to join him. I think that he did because he texted me at one point saying he was lonely (ie in the bed alone) which is the same thing he had done the day before prompting me to join him then. I think he feels shy/scared to initiate because he never outright says what he wants like he’s only explicit about this stuff over text.
So I was trying to kind of ask him if I should join him but in a subtle way so I’m not sure if he got the message. In the end I just stayed on the couch it was already 4pm by that point and i had to take the train back that evening so I also didn’t feel like started to get intimate again and maybe building up to sex because I was already a bit stressed about my journey home and as I said have never had sex before so I was quite scared also since he was having problems getting hard the day before I felt like I didn’t want to deal with that again and the awkwardness of that. So even though I did want to at least kiss and cuddle I just stayed in my spot on the couch alone. So all of Sunday we didn’t even kiss. We got dinner before my train back and the vibe was ok maybe slightly off but not too much. We kissed goodbye but it wasn’t a very heartfelt goodbye and we weren’t talking at all about the future and the fact we wouldn’t see each other again which is something we had discussed last time when I left his city.
Since I left he has barely texted me at all. He did tell me about the logistics of his journey back but all other communication has been initiated by me and his tone is much less energetic and he’s sharing nothing on his own and hardly responding to my messages.
I feel stupid to be making such a big deal about this given we have barely known each other for more than a few weeks and there’s no way it could have worked out anyway since he’s moving so far away (14hr flight) but I really really like him and especially seeing him the second time I feel like I’m crushing on him so hard. I knew we wouldn’t have a relationship but thought we’d at least keep texting and then slowly the contact would fade as time went on and we got busy. But the about change in communication has really upset me and left me wondering what I did wrong over the weekend. I feel really rejected and like I messed up big time especially with the sex stuff. I’m worried he felt led on because he travelled further than me to meet up as I took a 3hr train and he flew. The first flight required him to wake up at 3am and his flight back was also delayed so he had to wait quite a bit at the airport. He did a lot of effort to come see me so I’m super worried I really let him down with the bad blowjob and not having sex or doing much of anything on the Sunday. Also because a relationship isn’t feasible I don’t really think it makes much sense to bring this up to him either and get his perspective since there’s no point making an issue out of it. But I’ve been feeling really bad and sad about this all week wondering what did I do wrong?